


Worlds Apart

by Hot_elf



Series: Dragon Age - series 8 (Viola Surana / Fiona Hawke, ME crossover AU) [2]
Category: Dragon Age II, Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-17
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-12 03:44:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 50,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/806825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hot_elf/pseuds/Hot_elf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Commander Tom Shepard and his crew stumble through a portal, they end up in a place beyond their wildest imagination - Thedas. Slightly cracky AU where Shepard and Hawke fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Strange Encounters

**Chapter 1 - Strange Encounters**

"Is she gone?"

Fiona turned to face Anders. They were on their way back from Chateau Haine. The mage, who had patiently awaited their return a few miles from the castle, was boiling water for their morning tea, a deep frown on his handsome face.

"Yes, Tallis has left." She didn't bother to hide her relief. "Good riddance, if you ask me."

She had a hard time forgiving the elf's lies, even if everything had turned out well in the end. The loot from Duke Prosper's vaults had definitely been worth the effort, and it had been satisfying to make the Orlesian pay for his treachery. But now she wanted nothing more than to be home again and never to see either a wyvern or an Orlesian noble again for the rest of her life.

The others were busy tearing down the camp after a night in the open. Her brother Carver was fiddling with the tents, with occasional help from Isabela who managed to come up with enough saucy innuendoes to make the blush on his face permanent. It was quiet and peaceful here in the forest clearing, a welcome change from the excitement of the past two days.

None of them anticipated the sudden crackle of noise tearing the air, or the huge purple wall of energy that appeared right next to an ancient beech tree. Anders jumped to his feet with a cry of surprise. Fiona motioned to her companions to stand well back, while the swirling fogs slowly solidified into a portal. Several silhouettes took form inside the gateway, and she instinctively reached for her staff. The crackling noise reached a sudden crescendo as four people stumbled through the portal. Fiona had just enough presence of mind to cast a glyph of paralysis at them before a sudden, eerie quiet fell over the little clearing. The portal took on a different hue, slightly paler than before, and there was no longer any movement visible inside its shining surface.

Fiona stepped carefully closer. "Anders?"

The mage had stepped up right next to her, looking stunned. "Who are these people, Hawke?"

She shook her head. "No idea. Care to have a look at the portal?"

While Anders walked over to examine the gateway, she looked the new arrivals over.

Three men and a woman, dressed in clothes of a curious cut, made from some strange, shiny material. Tight-fitting white shirts with short sleeves, loose dark pants, heavy boots. No armour, no weapons. Not even a dagger between them. The tall man who had his arm around the woman's shoulders seemed to be their leader, judging from his posture. He had an interesting face, high cheekbones and bright blue eyes that were looking at her with a wary expression. With a shiver, she realized he was one of the most attractive men she'd seen in a long time, despite his close-cropped hair. One of the men was unconscious, propped up against the impossibly wide shoulders of his companion. That last one drew a whistle of appreciation from Isabela.

"Look what we have here." The pirate walked over to the group to have a better view. "Tattoos, scars, and my, he is _big,_ isn't he? I wonder-"

"Shut up, Isabela, they can hear you." Fiona bit back a grin.

Anders turned back. "This looks almost like a Fade Portal, but-"

"I knew it." Carver had appeared from under the tent plane. "Demons! Or Abominations at the very least. We should kill them while we have a chance." Reaching for his greatsword he moved to make good on his threat.

" **No!** "

Fiona shuddered when she heard the deep booming voice. Anders' eyes were flashing a bright blue.

" **Stand back, Templar! They are not demons. And this portal doesn't lead to the Fade. It's a doorway to another plane**."

"What do you mean, Justice?" Motioning at Carver to stand back, Fiona slowly approached the spirit. "Where do they come from?"

The blue glow faded as quickly as it had appeared and Anders was back, flashing a shaky, apologetic smile at her. "Justice thinks... He thinks they come from another plane of existence, another world, if you will. We should at least talk to them before we decide."

Fiona nodded. The leader of the small group had watched her all the time, his eyes fixed on her with a piercing stare. Carefully she loosened the paralysis just enough that he would be able to move his head and speak. His eyes widened when he realized what was happening, but he waited for her to make the first move.

"I'm Fiona Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, and these are my loyal friends and companions. Who are you, stranger? And what brings you here?" She was proud of her firm, unwavering tone.

When he spoke, his voice, deep and assured, sent shivers down Fiona's spine, even though his words made little sense. "Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy. And this is my crew. Lieutenant-Commander Ashley Williams, Lieutenant James Vega and my shuttle pilot, Lieutenant Steve Cortez. Where are we?"

Isabela raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Navy? They don't look like sailors to me, Hawke."

"Not that kind of navy." The man sighed deeply. "This is going to be difficult to explain. Look, can you please tell us where we are?"

Fiona shrugged. "The Free Marches, close to Kirkwall."

He shook his head impatiently. "But which planet?" When she looked at him blankly, he sighed. "Which world?"

She blinked. It seemed Justice had been right. "Uh, Thedas?"

"Damn it, this is worse than I thought." He frowned, clearly worried. "Look will you please let us go? We really have to find a way back."

Fiona chewed her lip, deliberating her next step. She prided herself on her good judgment, and the man in front of her seemed honourable, even if he talked in a strange manner. And he was unarmed.

"Will you give me your word of honour not to harm us if I release you?" Ignoring Carver's sputtering words of protest, she fixed the stranger with her gaze, waiting for him to nod.

When he did, she freed him of the spell. With a sigh of relief, he stretched, displaying a trim, toned body. Then he walked up to her and extended his hand with a smile.

But when she took it, her eyes widened at the tingle she felt. "You're a mage!"

Before he could answer, twigs cracked behind her in the bushes, and a loud roar sounded through the forest. She whirled around to see a huge wyvern break through the undergrowth, coming straight at her at top speed.

 

 

 

* * *

  

Shepard had never seen a beast like this before. A massive, scaled body, a gaping maw of teeth, short wings spread wide in the attack. When he saw the creature emerge behind her, instinct took over. Gathering his powers, he slammed it back as hard as he could.

Cries of surprise went up from his new acquaintances when a wall of biotic blue crossed the clearing and threw the monster back, but they recovered with impressive speed. Before he could get in a second attack, the dark-skinned woman appeared right behind the beast, two gleaming daggers in her hands, slicing deeply into its flanks.

The creature roared in pain, but the armoured knight charged in with his sword, taking off the beast's head with a single, powerful stroke. Shepard swallowed. Their weapons might be primitive, but the way those people wielded them, they certainly did the job.

Fiona had whirled back and was now staring at him, her green eyes wide as saucers. "You saved my life!"

Her gaze travelled all over him, ending up on his right hand, still glowing faintly blue. A sudden grin spread over her face. "What else can you do?"

He couldn't resist. With a quick wave of his hand, he lifted the creature's severed head slowly from the ground, making it float.

She smiled with unabashed glee, then raised her own hand and made a quick gesture. A sheet of ice spread from her hand, freezing the head until it was covered in small icicles. Shepard grinned and reached for his powers again. One quick slam and it burst into a thousand little glittering pieces.

Fiona cried out with delight and flashed him another dazzling smile. Shepard felt a curious flutter in his stomach _. Stop it, man! You don't need a complication like this._ Yet, she was undeniably pretty. Dark auburn hair, cut chin-length, a slim, lithe body, clear skin with a hint of freckles around her nose. Pretty, powerful and very much alive. An intoxicating combination.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to be serious again. _Damn it, where are we?_ He had no idea where in the galaxy they could have ended up. Some strange, backward colony? The four people in front of him were dressed in a way he vaguely remembered from school lessons in human history. Fiona wore some sort of spiky armour, while the warrior was in full plate. The other two... he didn't even have the words to describe them.

His companions were still trapped in some sort of force field. And how had she managed to freeze that thing? He hadn't seen any kind of tool - the ice seemed to have come from her bare hand. He had never heard of a biotic who could do this. _Let's deal with this later._

He raised his chin. "Please release us. We have to find a way back. We are needed there, desperately so."

"Of course. I take it you can vouch for your people?" She gestured in the directions of the others, a quick complicated flick of her fingers, and the strange paralysis was gone.

"Sister, are you mad?" The knight's face was red with rage. "You don't know them. He's a dangerous mage.  He’s just proven it to you. How can you-"

Fiona ignored him and walked over to Cortez, who had begun to writhe in pain. Dropping down on one knee, she gently touched his cheek, oblivious to Vega's protective growl. "Your companion is wounded."

Shepard nodded, suppressing a sudden flash of weariness. _Shit. How did we end up here?_

They had scanned a planet in the Krogan DMZ when an anomaly had showed up, and they'd decided to go down in the shuttle to investigate. At first it had seemed like a routine mission, but when he had felt the tremble under his feet, he had known immediately what it meant. _Thresher maw._ There hadn't been enough time to get back to the shuttle. When the huge jaws had closed around it, he'd been convinced they had lost Steve, until he had seen the pilot jump out of the open door at the last second, joining them on a rocky outcrop. He had been badly injured by the impact of his fall, though. They had scrambled for higher ground, but when the beast had come back for a second attack, they had already resigned themselves to dying. Until the strange portal had appeared right in front of them. It had been a choice between going through and certain death.

Fiona frowned. "This looks bad. Anders can look after him. He's a healer."

Shepard agreed with a quick nod, but Ashley spoke up, her tone incredulous. "You can't be serious, Shepard. Please tell me you aren't going to let some primitive use his mumbo-jumbo on Steve?"

He felt his face harden. "We don't have a choice, Ash. We have no medi-gel, in case you hadn't noticed." And no weapons. No armour. Somehow the portal seemed to have left those behind. He tried to activate his omni-tool, but it had disappeared as well. _Damn!_

The tall, lanky man in the curious feathered robes knelt down next to Cortez and ran his hands carefully along his body. They watched in growing fascination as a blue glow emerged from his palms. Steve groaned, but his posture became immediately more relaxed. Shepard could hardly take his eyes off the healer's face, struck by the intense focus on his features. _He knows what he's doing._

Tearing himself away, he walked over to the portal and carefully lifted his hand to touch it.

Anders raised his head. "It's closed on this side. You can't go back this way."

Shepard bit back a curse. "You don't understand. We need to return now. It's urgent!"

Fiona nodded. "You saved my life. I owe you, and we will help you. Anders, do you think you could find a way to open a portal like this and send him back?

Anders shrugged "I might, with a little help from Justice and Merrill. But first..."

He went back to the portal and carefully immersed one hand into the glowing surface, now so pale as to be almost translucent. He closed his eyes to concentrate on what he was doing, but suddenly his body tensed, and blue cracks appeared all over his face. His eyes snapped open, taking on the same unearthly blue as earlier. Fiona sighed deeply. There was a curious expression on her face as she looked at Anders. Affectionate, but at the same time incredibly sad. Shepard frowned. Clearly there was a lot going on here that he had no hope of understanding. That strange blue glow, almost like biotics. And the looks exchanged between the two of them... He wondered briefly whether they were lovers.

 _Time to go back to business._ "Please. We don't have time."

Anders shook his head with a soothing gesture. "Don't worry. Time is relative between portals. I need to examine this carefully. That way, when we take you back, we can set it up so you won't have been gone more than a few minutes. But first you'll have to rest. Your friend...." He indicated Cortez, who seemed asleep now. "He will need a lot of sleep, and more healing."

Shepard closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect himself, and when he opened them, found Fiona right next to him. Her face was full of compassion, but her tone was business-like.

"Come on. We need to get you to safety first. We can take you to my house, get you out of these clothes..." She blushed briefly. "I mean... You are too conspicuous like this. I have clothes and armour you can wear, though probably none of it will fit _him_." She gestured toward Vega.

"No problem, sweet thing." The other woman, the one in the ridiculously skimpy outfit, laughed raucously. "I had a first mate once who was part Qunari. I'll drop by at the Hanged Man and get some clothes for him."

"Thanks, Isabela." Fiona smiled. "Come on. Let's get going. We can be in Kirkwall in a few hours." 

 


	2. Getting Closer

**Chapter 2 - Getting Closer**

The closer they got to Kirkwall, the more worried Shepard became. The forest gave way to open country, and the shady path turned into a dusty, sun-drenched road. The people they encountered seemed to be primitive peasants, travelling on foot or by oxcart, eyeing their party with obvious distrust. He was grateful for the hooded cloaks Fiona had provided for him and his crew.

When the silhouette of the city appeared on the horizon, the uneasy feeling in his stomach grew. He could make out city walls, a kind of fortress, buildings made of rough stone or wood. There were no signs of public transport or electricity. He exchanged worried glances with Ashley and Vega who were carrying Steve on a makeshift stretcher.

"Where are we?" Ashley hissed at him. "And more importantly, when?"

He shook his head, shrugging helplessly. "I have no idea, Ash."

When they got closer, more and more people seemed to recognize Fiona, greeting her with friendly smiles and respectful nods. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Anders.

"You lot seem to be well-known around here."

"Fiona is the Champion." Anders sounded matter-of-fact. "She saved the city," he elaborated, when Shepard looked at him questioningly.

Yet they didn't enter Kirkwall by way of the huge gates, but walked along the walls instead, ducking in through what looked like a sewer entrance. Ashley wrinkled her nose at the smell, but Fiona didn't seem to mind. Within minutes, they had reached a network of dark tunnels and damp cellars. Shepard kept his face calm, but inwardly he was shocked. The filth, the smell, the darkness... and there were actually _people_ living down here.

"Darktown." Fiona had fallen into step beside him. "The worst Kirkwall has to offer. Don't worry, it gets better."

He would have lost his way in the maze of tunnels in a matter of minutes, but Fiona and her companions seemed familiar with every twist and turn. Now and then a shadowy figure would appear from one of the side tunnels, but on recognizing the Champion, whoever it was would step back and keep a respectful distance. Finally they reached a dead-end, facing a set of double doors, but instead of going in there, they turned to the left and walked toward a dirty brick wall. Fiona looked around briefly before pushing them all toward a hole in the ground that turned out to be the hidden entrance to yet another tunnel. This one went on for ages, at a slightly upward angle, until they reached a wooden trapdoor.

Anders pushed it up with a practiced move. "Here we are."

"Home, sweet home." Fiona grinned. "Hello, Bodahn. I've brought guests."

They emerged into a large, well-stocked larder, face to face with a short, rotund man with a long, carefully braided beard. He was very short, Shepard mused. In fact...

"What's the matter?" Anders looked at him, faint wrinkles of amusement around his eyes. "Never seen a dwarf before?"

Shepard turned to see a young woman enter the room. She was very slim, very graceful, and her ears were long and pointed.

"Let me guess?" He knew he sounded weary. "She's an elf?"

"What else would she be?" Anders gave him another curious look.

"We can talk later." Fiona's voice carried a quiet authority. "Bodahn, show our guests to their rooms, and let them have a look at the armour chest. See if you can find some house clothes for them too." She headed for the stairs. "I need a bath. And something to eat."

"Of course, messere." The _dwarf_ bowed, a friendly smile on his chubby face. "I'll see to it immediately."

They were led to a suite of beautifully furnished, light and airy rooms. Steve was settled on a comfortable canopied bed in the corner room. The pretty blond maid made sure they had everything they needed before withdrawing with a gracious curtsy.

As soon as the door had closed behind her, Ashley turned to face him. "What is going on here, Shepard? And how long do you plan to play along with them?"

"You heard her, Ash. They will try to help us get back. And Anders seems to think we can do it without losing time." He sat down heavily on a brocaded armchair.

"And you believe every word she says? Shepard, you don't know the woman! How come you're so quick to trust her?" Ashley paced the length of the room in agitation. "We need to get back. The others will be worried sick about us. What about the Reapers? What about Earth? Anderson, Hackett, they all rely on you. We can't just stay here."

"What do you propose we do then?" He felt a familiar irritation rise inside him. _Ash. Always questioning my decisions. Just like on Virmire when I chose to let Kaidan die. Just like on Horizon._

"Well, first of all you should get out of these clothes." Isabela appeared in the doorway, smiling lasciviously and motioning for Vega to follow her to the next room. "Come with me, big boy. I've got exactly what you need."

 

* * *

James didn't quite know what was happening to him. Here he was, in a place that felt utterly _wrong_ , in the company of a woman who was unlike every one he'd ever seen. Then again, she was _hot_. Insanely hot, as a matter of fact. Long, shapely brown legs, encased in black leather boots that triggered all sorts of interesting fantasies in his brain. Obviously she had deemed pants unnecessary, opting instead for a flimsy, laced-up linen tunic that displayed her luscious breasts to full advantage. And he liked the mischievous expression on her face, the saucy smile and the easy laugh. _Finally someone who knows how to enjoy life!_

He swallowed when she closed the door behind her, leaning back against the frame, looking him over with an almost predatory gaze. "Right, let's get you out of this."

Without hesitation she reached for the hem of his shirt and helped him pull it over his head. He took the hint and rapidly stripped down to his briefs, drawing a soft hum of appreciation from her. Slowly she walked all the way around him, admiring the view, tracing his tattoos with her fingers. As she reached his chest, she caught hold of his dog tags, tugging briefly on the chains.

When her nails scraped against the flat disc of a nipple, James gasped. "Are you always this direct, lady?"

Isabela purred softly. "Only if I really, really like what I see." She stepped back and began unlacing her tunic. "Anyway, I have a feeling you like what you see as well."

James exhaled sharply as she walked toward him. Her full hips were swinging seductively, and her breasts were complete and utter perfection. Her gaze travelled downward, taking in his obvious reaction with a satisfied grin.

With a lascivious smile, Isabela stopped right in front of him and dropped down on her knees. When she started mouthing him through the fabric of his briefs, James nearly lost it. He swayed on his feet and was glad to discover the bed was right behind him. With a thud, he sat down on the edge of the mattress. Isabela laughed and adjusted her angle, then pulled down his briefs in one swift move.

Taking him between her full lips, she looked up at him and winked. "Relax, big boy. You're going to like this."

 

* * *

Shepard winced at the noises coming from the next room while he changed into one of the sets of armour Bodahn had brought them. When Vega returned a while later, wearing a loose white shirt and tight black leather pants, a cocky smile on his face, it took all his control to refrain from commenting.

Cortez, however, couldn't keep his mouth shut. "James, don't tell me you actually... Good God, man, you don't know where she has been!"

Vega grinned happily. "I don't care, Esteban. If you knew what that woman can do with her mouth-"

Shepard silenced him with a quick gesture. "TMI, James, TMI."

James flushed briefly and opened his mouth to reply, but Anders popped his head in through the door, smiling shyly at Cortez. "I've come to check up on you. How are you feeling?"

"Much better." Steve's answering smile was tentative, but when Anders settled next to him on the bed to begin another bout of healing, he couldn't hold back a sigh of pleasure. Anders smiled, looking much younger for a moment.

"Shepard?"

He looked up to find Ashley in the doorway. She had changed into a dark brown leather armour that hugged her curves in all the right places, allowing glimpses of pale skin in between the plates. With her hair tied back in a ponytail and without the heavy make-up she'd taken to wearing recently, she looked more open and vulnerable, much more like the Ash he remembered before things had gone wrong.

"Your new friend wants to talk to you. Says you should come up to her study." Ashley's tone hadn't changed at least, and the frown on her face made it abundantly clear what she thought about being asked to deliver messages.

He nodded and headed for the stairs.

 

* * *

With a satisfied sigh, Fiona swallowed the last piece of the delicious goat cheese Bodahn had brought up. It was good to be home again. She had sent for Merrill who would hopefully arrive soon, and then they could make plans and see what they could do to help their guests.

 _Why does this kind of thing always happen to me?_ Fiona sighed, but if she was honest, she was thrilled to have a distraction from her usual worries. And what an interesting distraction it was. Obviously Shepard was someone important back in his own world, maybe a champion of some sort himself. But how was it even possible that a person living in a different world could end up here, in Thedas? She had asked Anders, but he had just shrugged.

"Portals, Hawke. No one knows for certain how they work." He had seemed irritated at her insistence, at her fascination with the stranger.

But she couldn't help it. Shepard _was_ fascinating. Intense. Charismatic. And... _Come on, Fiona, admit it. He's gorgeous._ She mentally shook herself. She hadn't thought of anyone in these terms since the debacle with Fenris, two years ago. Back when she'd first met the elf she had hardly been able to keep her eyes off him. Their night together had been mind-blowing, but then... She coughed again, sternly rebuking herself. _Don't even go there, Fiona. There's nothing you can do about that mess._ Anyway, it wasn't as if the Champion of Kirkwall had time for an affair.

There was a knock on her door, and when she raised her gaze, there he was. Shepard. For a moment she almost forgot how to breathe. He had chosen the Warden armour she had found in Corypheus' lair, and the blue of the tunic and cowl brought out the colour of his eyes in a way that was more than just striking. She noticed those eyes flicker up and down her body for the briefest of instants, taking in her slim figure in her short house dress.

"Fiona." He sounded tense. "You told Ash you wanted to speak with me."

She nodded. "Yes. I've sent for a friend who might be able to help you."

She tried to explain about the Eluvian and Merrill's research in a few concise sentences, but he kept asking questions, clearly confused by a lot of the things she took for granted. When she had finished, he sighed, then chuckled briefly.

"Elves, dwarves, spirits, mages. This sounds like a fairy tale." He looked up into her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you. It's just... your world is so utterly different from mine."

Fiona smiled. "Tell me about your world then."

He tried. But it was an uphill struggle. The things he told her about, giant ships flying through the skies, huge machines that could think, that wanted to _harvest_ all humans, alien creatures, the strange kind of magic he referred to as _biotics_ \- none of it made much sense to her.

Fiona shivered. "And you really want to go back there?"

"I have to." His face had grown hard again. "They need me. I can't desert them."

"Then we'll get you back." Her face was determined. But deep inside, she felt a brief stab of disappointment.

She didn't really want him to leave.


	3. Welcome to Kirkwall

**Chapter 3 - Welcome to Kirkwall**

Shepard could feel a headache coming on. Merrill was still happily chirruping about _shards_ and _Eluvians_ and a place called _the Fade_ , and he couldn't for the life of him see how any of this would help him get back to the Normandy, back to the fight against the Reapers.

"I'm sure I've seen a few books about this kind of portal somewhere, Hawke." The little elven mage looked positively radiant. "Of course, even with the right sources, it might take a while to set it all up. And we might need a few things... The most important thing will be to establish a direct connection to the Fade. Well, maybe Justice can help."

"I'm sure he can." Fiona was smiling indulgently, while Shepard felt his patience rapidly approaching an end.

"Hawke." His tone must have told her he was at the end of his tether.

She put an arm around the elf's slim shoulders and whispered conspiratorially. "Tell you what, Merrill, why don't you check my library? Or consult with Anders? Shepard and I will await your findings eagerly."

Merrill beamed at Fiona and disappeared through the door at a happy, skipping pace. Shepard sighed.

Fiona turned to him, an apologetic expression on her face and put a calming hand on his sleeve.

"Don't worry. I know she sounds hare-brained, but she really isn't. She's one of the most powerful mages I know."

When he looked at her in disbelief, Fiona laughed softly. "That sweet little sparrow has been known to squeeze three grown men to death simultaneously with a single spell. But more importantly, she's given up everything, her family, her clan, her future, to pursue her research into the Eluvian. If Merrill is looking for a way to get you safely back home, she will find one. I promise."

He relaxed a little, forcing himself to smile back. "Thank you. I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful. It's just... There are people waiting for me to return, to help them."

"Your companions?" She cocked her head, looking curious. "Tell me more about them."

He nodded. "My crew."

He collected his thoughts, trying to work out how to tell her about his squad-mates. She would have no concept of aliens, no way of imagining them. Heck, until just a few decades ago, most humans on Earth wouldn't have been able to imagine what a Turian or a Quarian looked like, let alone envisaged working together with them on a spaceship.

Suddenly he was relieved beyond measure that he had gone on this particular mission with an all-human squad. Imagine having Liara or Garrus here, or even worse, Javik, who couldn't even be relied upon to be diplomatic. And Tali... his throat went dry when he realized that the portal had left their suits behind. Tali would probably have died already without her suit.

Fiona had waited patiently, watching his face in silence. "You miss them."

"I do." He smiled wistfully. "My pilot, Joker, I think you would like him. He has a wicked sense of humour, and he enjoys taking me down a peg or two. And then there's Garrus. One of my oldest friends, and a master marksman. Arrogant bastard too. Convinced he's the best damn soldier that ever lived."

She was still watching him, he realized, smiling quietly to herself.

"Thank you." He cleared his throat. "For everything."

She shrugged. "No need to thank me."

He was about to protest, when there was a commotion downstairs. Stepping up to the railing of the gallery, Fiona raised her hand to wave a good-bye to her brother, who was preparing to leave.

Carver was in full armour again, a blazing sun crest gracing his tabard, his helmet tucked under one arm. He'd have been quite dashing, if it hadn't been for the perpetually sour expression on his face.

"Back to the Gallows it is, then? Bye, brother. Stay safe." Fiona was obviously making an effort to sound friendly and light-hearted, but then her face grew tense. "And, Carver! Not a word about our guests to anyone! If Meredith knew-"

"I'm not a fool, sister." He scowled up at her and disappeared through the door.

"What was that about?" Shepard raised an eyebrow.

"You can do magic. Technically, that makes you an apostate." She rubbed her eyes, looking suddenly weary. "If the Templars find out about you, they might come for you, try to lock you up."

"It's not magic, it's biotics," he corrected automatically, then frowned. "What do you mean, lock me up? Because I do 'magic'? But _you_ aren't locked up, and neither is Anders, or Merrill."

"I am the Champion, and Anders... There are lots of reasons why he walks free, my protection being one of them. Merrill is Dalish, which is a whole different kettle of fish altogether."

Shepard shook his head. "Alright, keep it simple. So the Templars, that's some kind of knights, right?" He waited for her to nod. "They lock up mages?"

"Yes. For their own safety, supposedly. Because we can't be trusted not to consort with demons." She sounded bitter.

"And your own brother is a Templar?"

Fiona sighed. "It's complicated."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "So it would seem. One more reason for me to thank you, then. You've been very generous. And from what I gather, you're in a precarious enough position without taking in a bunch of mysterious strangers. Why are you doing this, Hawke?"

Her face hardened. "When I arrived in Kirkwall seven years ago, I had little more than you have now. My robes, my staff, my good name. A few copper pieces and a hungry family to feed. I was just another dirty, poor Fereldan refugee, like the ones you saw when we crossed Darktown."

He was surprised. "Then how come-"

"I worked my way up. Every single step of the way. I fought and I cheated and I killed people. Most of them probably deserved it. Maybe not all of them." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then fixed him with an unrelenting stare. "But I swore to myself that I would do my best to help anyone who was as down on their luck as I was back then. Because no one should have to deal with this alone."

He nodded. There was nothing he could have said.

 

 

* * *

Shepard looked his squadmates over. They had assembled in Cortez' room, trying to make sense of the situation.

"There's got to be something we can do while we wait." Ashley kicked against the bed's headboard in frustration. "I'll go mad just sitting around in here."

Vega, who was doing push-ups near the window, seemed relatively unperturbed. "Maybe I can ask Boots to teach me how to use that thing of hers, what's it called, a cutlass?"

"Boots?" Cortez' lips were twitching suspiciously. "That the first thing you noticed about her?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "And you really think fighting with that kind of weapon is gonna be that easy?"

Vega managed to shrug without interrupting his movement. "Why not? I've always been a mean fighter with an omni-blade. It can't be all that different."

Ashley sighed. "Well, that's all well and good, but what am I to do? I'm not much help in a fight without a gun or grenade. If only we had our weapons."

"Maybe it's better we don't." Shepard sighed. A mental picture of the massacre that could have ensued had they brought their guns briefly flashed across his inner eye. "Though it would be good if we could at least defend ourselves. At least my biotics seem to work fine."

"Yup. And so do my muscles." Vega was grinning happily.

Ashley shot him a dark look. "Why does everything here have to be so goddamn primitive? Swords, axes, bows... Honestly! The last time I saw a bow was when I took archery classes at school!"

Shepard raised his head. "Archery classes? Why didn't you say so earlier? I'm sure Hawke can find a bow for you."

Ashley snorted, contempt written clearly on her face. "Oh, I don't doubt it. There's probably nothing _Hawke_ can't do." He was surprised by the bitterness in her voice as she went on. "Forget it, Commander. I'm out of practice. And the bows they use here are pretty archaic stuff."

Shepard sighed. Ashley seemed determined to be difficult. Not that he couldn't understand her frustrations, but if she'd only put aside her anger at the situation for a while... He resolved to talk to Fiona anyway. A bow might come in handy while they were here.

"What about you, Steve?" He smiled gently at his pilot who had been quiet all the time. "Getting bored?"

Cortez sat up carefully, wincing when he moved. "I'm fine, Shepard. Just sorry for messing up, back with that thresher maw. If I'd done a better job flying, we wouldn't be in this mess." Shepard opened his mouth to protest, but Steve shook his head. "It's true. Anyway, I don't mind sitting around and waiting. I'm used to it, remember? Besides, I'm not yet up for much more."

"How are you feeling?" Shepard frowned. "Still in pain?"

"Not a lot." He wore a reassuring smile. "I don't know what exactly Anders did, but I feel much better. Judging from what he said, there were a number of internal injuries, and at least one broken bone in my right leg, but I'm as good as new now. I just need rest."

"And we'll see to it that you get it." With a pointed look at Ashley and Vega Shepard got up. "Come on, guys. It's almost time for dinner. Let's see if we can find Hawke."

 

 

* * *

Fiona felt tired. She really liked Shepard, but it had been an exhausting day. Maybe she should skip dinner, have a quick snack in her room and get some rest. She had already opened her mouth to make her excuses, when the front door opened again, and a familiar set of heavy footsteps crossed the hall.

"Aveline." She leaned over the railing. "What brings you here?"

The guard captain bounded up the steps in a few easy leaps, despite her armour. "Hawke. Isabela dropped by to tell me you have some new friends that I shouldn't know about in any official capacity."

Fiona sighed. "True. I'm sorry to impose on you again, Aveline, but will you make sure the Guard turns a blind eye to any reports about them? They will only stay a few weeks or so."

Aveline gave her a sharp look. " _Only_ a few weeks? You honestly expect me to pull this off?"

Fiona put on her best puppy face, and the guard captain relented.

"Oh, all right. I will make sure no one bothers you. What have you got yourself into this time, Hawke?"

"If only I knew." Fiona made a sweeping gesture. "Meet Commander Shepard and his companions. Shepard, this is my good friend Aveline, Captain of the City Guard."

Once introductions were made, Fiona was surprised to see that Aveline got along splendidly with Shepard. She'd snorted incredulously when she heard about the portal, but then she had treated him pretty much like any of her guards. And he didn't seem to mind. _Old soldiers, both of them, I guess._ Aveline was easily persuaded to stay for dinner.

When she left, Shepard was smiling. "I like your friend. She reminds me of someone back home, another guard captain, so to speak."

The corner of Ashley's mouth lifted in a tentative half-smile. "You mean Bailey? True. They would probably become great friends, once they'd sorted out who was in charge."

The others withdrew to their rooms one by one, leaving the two of them alone in the hall. Avvar, Fiona's aged Mabari war hound, was lying stretched out in front of the fireplace, snoring softly.

Fiona stifled a yawn. "You know, I've been wondering..."

She looked at Shepard, faint laugh-lines appearing in the corners of her eyes. "Why does everyone call you Shepard? Do they even know your first name? I mean, even Ashley calls you _Shepard_ or _Commander_. And the two of you seem to be-" She broke off with a blush. "I'm sorry. This is none of my business."

"It's alright." He smiled at her. "Ash and me, that was a long time ago. Back then, I thought- But to answer your question, I don't know why, to be honest." He yawned as well. "Maybe for the same reason almost everyone seems to call you Hawke. Or Champion. Because they see only the hero. The soldier. Not the person."

She looked sad for a moment. "Call me Fiona, will you?"

He nodded. "My name's Thomas. Tom."

"Tom," she repeated, rolling the name around in her mouth as if she was tasting it. "That's a good name. It suits you. Welcome to Kirkwall, Tom."

 


	4. Making Friends

**Chapter 4 - Making Friends**

"I already told Shepard. I'm out of practice!" Ashley was staring down at the bow and quiver Hawke had handed her, not bothering to hide her irritation.

Though it was a fine weapon, she had to admit. Made from gleaming, dark wood, polished to a shine it felt _right_ in her hands, perfectly balanced and incredibly light. The arrows were delicately fletched in different colours that seemed to have some sort of meaning, though she had no idea what it was. Both the bow and the arrows were tingling softly, the faintest of blue glows surrounding them. _Magic? This is no ordinary weapon._

Ashley was impressed in spite of herself, and when she looked up into Fiona's friendly green eyes, she relented a little. "I'm sorry, Hawke, but I really wouldn't know where to start."

"Well, maybe I can help you with that, milady."

Ashley turned to see a tall man stand in the doorway, a smile on his handsome face. He had thick, auburn hair and impossibly blue eyes, and he wore a set of armour in gleaming white and gold. _Ridiculous, really._

Fiona withdrew with a smile and a nod, and she was left alone with the stranger.

"Why would you be able to help me?" She sounded more abrupt than she meant to, but he wasn't put off, just kept smiling, fine lines crinkling the corners of his eyes.

"I happen to be a decent archer myself." He bowed. "Sebastian Vael, Prince of Starkhaven, at your service, milady."

"A prince." Ashley rolled her eyes. And yet, she couldn't help smiling back. Maybe it was his accent, thick, and with a rich rolling "r" sound, or maybe it was the genuinely friendly expression in his eyes. "What's next? Dragons? Unicorns? And I am no lady, thank you very much. I'm a soldier."

He seemed unfazed. "I can't recall ever seeing a unicorn, but dragons are a distinct possibility when Hawke is around. And I am but a prince in exile, I'm sorry to say."

Ashley sighed. "Alright. What should I call you then? Your majesty? My prince?"

"Just Sebastian will do." Again that devastating smile. "And if you don't want to be referred to as a lady..."

"Call me Ashley." She tried to ignore the slight flutter in her stomach. "So you're an archer. Why would you wish to waste your time on me?"

He shrugged. "Hawke asked me to, and she's a friend. Besides..." He made an inviting gesture. "I don't see why it should be a waste of time. Why don't you come with me to the archery range and show me what you can do?"

Ashley squared her shoulders, ignoring James' snicker in the background. "Alright. Let's go."

 

* * *

Shepard had just sat down for a quick cold lunch with Vega, Fiona and Anders when Bodahn announced more visitors. "Messere Fenris and messere Varric are here to see you. Will they be joining you for lunch?"

Fiona nodded. "Yes, Bodahn, they probably will. Can you ask Orana to bring us some more food, please?"

The pair that walked in shortly afterwards was oddly matched. Another dwarf, but this one had no beard and was carrying a huge crossbow on his back. And an elf with gleaming white hair, covered from head to toe in strange tattoos. The dwarf whom Fiona introduced as Varric Tethras was smiling genially, but the elf frowned at the visitors.

"Who are they, Hawke?" He had a deep, carrying voice and his large green eyes were fixed on Fiona with an almost painful intensity. "Is it safe to bring strangers into your house?"

"It's fine, Fenris." Fiona smiled at him. "Shepard here saved my life when a wyvern attacked me."

"None of this would have happened if you hadn't gone on this ill-advised mission in the first place." Despite his ungracious words, the elf nodded a brief thanks at Shepard and sat down opposite Fiona, which brought him right next to Vega.

"Man, that is some serious ink you have there! Where did you get this?" Vega reached out to touch Fenris' arm, a fascinated expression on his face.

The elf coiled back as if he had been threatened with violence, baring his teeth in a ferocious scowl. "Do not touch me!"

Raising his hands in apology, the lieutenant backed away. "Whoa, whoa, no offense, man. I was just curious."

Varric slapped his broad back companionably and dropped down on the bench on his other side. "Don't mind Broody here. He's just not one for the touching."

Vega grinned. "Broody, eh! I like that. Any other nicknames? What do you call Feathers here? And Boots?" He motioned toward Anders and Isabela with his head.

"Feathers? Oh, you mean Blondie." Varric grinned, and for the rest of the meal, the two of them happily traded nicknames and stories, totally engrossed in their jokes.

 

* * *

"It's no good. I'm hopeless." Ashley sat down on a bale of hay with a frustrated sigh. Once again she had missed the archery target by several inches. The bow Fiona had given her was a fine weapon, she was ready to admit it, but she just didn't have the skill to use it. "If only I had my rifle."

"You're not hopeless. You have a very good eye and a steady hand." Sebastian's patience seemed to be endless. "All you need to do is improve your form and your grip on the bow. Watch me."

Ashley sat back and observed him critically as he sent arrow after arrow flying straight at the target. He was well worth watching, she had to admit. The way he placed his hip when he took his stance, the muscles playing in his arm as he pulled the string, the look of intense concentration on his face...

"Come here." He lowered the bow and motioned for her to take his place. "Your turn."

She tried again, and it went a lot better, even though she found her attention wandering more than once.

"One small step to the front with your left leg." His voice sent a faint tremble down her spine, even as she followed his instructions. "Yes, perfect. Now try again."

For a moment she imagined him stepping closer, touching her to arrange her body the way he wanted it, his hand on her hip, his breath against her cheek... But then she mentally shook herself. This wasn't some soppy love story. She needed to learn how to defend herself while they were stuck here. And if bow and arrow were all she had, then they would have to do. With a determined frown, she let the arrow loose. It hit the centre of the target right on.

"Well done!" Sebastian was beaming. "Now all you need is practice. I shall leave you to it, then. It's high time for me to go back to my other duties. You'll find your way back to Hawke's estate, I trust?"

She nodded. "Thank you, Sebastian." As he turned to go, she called after him. "Sebastian? What exactly are those duties?"

He smiled, a little wistfully. "I am a Chantry brother. Sworn to the service of Andraste and the Maker." And then he was gone.

 

* * *

When Varric and the elf had left, Shepard followed Fiona into her study. He had asked her to show him some books on Thedas and on Kirkwall's history, in the hope of finding any clues about their whereabouts.

She was walking in front of him, her steps light and easy, her head turned over her shoulder to smile at him, and he found himself smiling back without thinking. She seemed so young, so light-hearted most of the time, and yet she had to be around his age, if he wasn't mistaken, and her life hadn't been easy.

He closed the door behind them and leant against the mantelpiece, nodding gratefully when she handed him a pile of books she had picked from the shelves. They were old, the pages musty and crackling with age, the leather bindings scuffed. It wouldn't be easy to read the spidery script, but the illustrations were beautiful, the colours vivid and rich. _Those would probably be valuable antiques if I took them home with me. I wonder what price they would fetch on the black market._

He shook off the thoughts of home, focussing on Fiona. "You have interesting friends."

"Varric is a dear, really. I'd never have gotten where I am without his help. And Fenris-" She broke off with a blush.

"What about him?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "He seemed rather protective of you."

"He is. A few years ago we..." Fiona swallowed. "I thought we could be together, but it turned out too difficult. He has had... bad experiences with magic."

Shepard tensed. Clearly there was more to the story, but it was obvious she didn't want to talk about it.

"And here I was thinking that you and Anders were a couple." He was trying to keep his voice casual, but she wasn't fooled.

A mischievous smile was playing around her lips. "No, Anders and I, we're just good friends." She stretched to reach another book, and her shirt rode up, exposing a strip of soft white skin. "Anders isn't really interested in women, you know. Well, he doesn't mind having a quick tumble with a willing wench, if there's no alternative, but..." Her voice trailed off, and she flashed a furtive glance toward the door. "Anyway, no, we're not a couple. There's no one I'm seeing right now."

"Let me help you." Shepard stepped closer and reached past her for the higher shelf, his hand brushing against her shoulder. He felt a slight tingle inside. _No one she's seeing right now. This probably shouldn't make me as happy as it does._ Yet he knew he would enjoy every minute of the afternoon ahead.

 

* * *

Ashley returned from the archery range to find the house quiet and peaceful. Shepard and Hawke were nowhere to be seen, but Vega and Isabela were lounging on a bench in the kitchen, making inroads into a huge fruit platter Orana had left on the table.

 _One thing to be said for this place. The food is delicious._ When they had first arrived, she had expected the fare to be poor and primitive, but it had turned out to be anything but. Orana and her kitchen helpers seemed to have a knack for whipping up tasty and filling dishes, all of them made with fresh, local ingredients. Luscious fruit and crisp vegetables, fresh fish from the market at the docks, venison and poultry, oven-warm bread, everything prepared with care and attention, well-spiced and aromatic.

Of course the poor didn't eat as well as the Champion did, but Hawke made a point of sending baskets of leftovers to Darktown every night, and no beggar was ever sent off empty-handed at her back door. She had just shrugged when Shepard had asked her if this didn't attract more beggars. That was just the way things were, it seemed. Ashley sighed and sat down, reaching for a strawberry.

"So, did Choirboy show you a trick or two?" Isabela's smile would have turned even a more harmless remark into a suggestive innuendo, but Ashley decided to ignore the subtext.

"He's a fine archer. And yes, he had a few really good tips. Of course I need more practice."

"I'm sure you do. Still, you seem to be in good shape." Isabela's gaze was travelling unabashedly all over Ashley's leather-clad body, assessing her without a trace of shame. "If our dear prince left you... unsatisfied, you know where to find me, sweet thing."

Vega was following the scene with undisguised interest. _He'd probably love to watch._ Ashley sighed, but refused to be provoked.

"No thanks, Isabela. Not interested. But... Sebastian said he was a Chantry brother. What does that actually mean? Is he very religious?"

Isabela nodded sagely. "Oh, yes. It's all the Maker here, Andraste there with him. And he has taken a vow of chastity in honour of Andraste."

"You are kidding, aren't you?" Vega looked at her incredulously, chuckling softly.

"Wish I was." The pirate sighed. "A bloody waste, if you ask me, but he seems to think it's a vast improvement over his former life. You know, ‘my misspent youth, blah, the error of my ways, blah, blah _.’_ He's much happier now, he says."

"An unusual decision, but one we should respect." Ashley rubbed her forehead, lost in thought. "I'll be in my room, in case Shepard is looking for me."

"Don't count on it, sweet thing." Isabela leaned back into Vega's embrace with a happy sigh. "Your Commander might be rather busy."

 


	5. Settling In

**Chapter 5 - Settling In**

Shepard woke with a feeling of disorientation that was becoming all too familiar lately. Opening his eyes, he took in his surroundings. Brocaded bed curtains, birds singing outside an open window, polished wooden floors and cool stone walls. Cool, slightly scratchy linen on his bare skin, a faint smell of beeswax and lemon in the air. This was definitely not the Normandy, nor any place he should be in right now. _Kirkwall_. He stifled a groan when he realized they had already been here over a week now, while Merrill was doing her research into how to get them back. More than a week spent in a place that didn't exist on any map of the galaxy.

"Another plane of existence? What does that even mean?" He had spent hours talking to Anders, trying to make sense of it all, but there was just no way he could wrap his brains around the concept.

All he knew was they had to get back soon. What was happening back there, while they were gone? Was their cause lost already, were the Reapers making progress, while they were losing one day after the other? Or was Anders right and they would be able to go back without losing time? How could this be possible? But then, none of it was, by normal standards.

The other members of his crew were taking it surprisingly well, all things considered. Of course, Vega spent most of his time in the company of the pirate woman, alternating between sex and weapon practice. _Oh to have the stamina of the young..._ Ashley was just as restless as he was, but seemed a little happier since she had been starting archery practice and didn't feel quite so helpless any more. And Cortez' injuries were healing slowly, but well. From what Shepard had overheard, Anders was considered an exceptional magical healer. They'd been lucky to run into Fiona and her friends, really.

Fiona Hawke. He could hear her in the hallway, already up and giving orders, her voice muted by the thick oaken door. There could be no doubt that she was doing all she could. Trying to find a way back for them, offering them generous hospitality in her own house. She had even hired additional servants to look after her guests' needs, and she did her best to entertain them while they were waiting. It was remarkable, really, the way she took the strangeness of the situation in stride. But then she had been through a lot.

He had spent an afternoon with Aveline at the barracks, and the guard captain had told him what she knew of Fiona and her family. The story of her mother's death... that alone would have broken a lesser person. It had reminded him vividly of some of the nastier Cerberus experiments he had witnessed. And all the things she had achieved! She'd gone into the dark dwarven tunnels to make her family's fortune. She'd fought madmen and monsters, the threat of being arrested as an apostate hanging over her all the time. And she'd killed the Qunari leader single-handedly, thus becoming Kirkwall's Champion. He had seen a few of the horned giants around town and couldn't even begin to fathom how she had done it. But then, most people would probably say the same about Commander Shepard.

With a sigh, he threw back the covers and reached for his clothes. Fiona had promised to show him around the Viscount's Keep later today. _Trying to keep me busy. Ah, well. It beats lying around and waiting._

* * *

Isabela stretched voluptuously, letting her gaze run appreciatively over James' naked, muscular body. She had spent the night in his bed again, unable to get enough of him.

With a smile, she walked over to him and stopped right before him, tracing the tattoo on his shoulder with her fingers. "You know, I enjoy a man with markings like that. Sailors get them all the time."

James grinned, flattered by the look of admiration in her eyes. "Admit it. You only like me for my body."

Isabela shook her head. "Uh-uh, big boy. If it was just your body, I'd have lost interest after the first two or three times. I like... lots of things about you."

He raised an eyebrow and pulled her closer, placing his big hands on her hips. "You do?" His voice sounded husky.

She smiled, wrapping one long leg around his waist. "I do. You have lovely brown eyes and nice strong hands, and even if you don't want to admit it, you can be rather sweet. Plus, those eggs you fixed me for breakfast yesterday were divine!"

"So you liked them." His breathing had picked up speed, and his hands were moving to cup her from behind, grinding her heat against his crotch. "Anything else I can do for you, _mamacita_?"

"Anything you want." She nipped playfully at his lower lip, making him groan. "As long as I end up on top."

* * *

Shepard was already half-way to the door, about to leave with Fiona when he realized he hadn't checked up on Steve since last night, and he rushed back to correct that omission. The shuttle pilot was recovering nicely under Anders' care, but he was still weak and kept to his room most of the time. With a brief rap on the door, Shepard pushed down the handle.

"Steve! How are you- Oh, I'm sorry." The scene in front of his eyes made him blush furiously. Cortez was sitting on the bed, all but naked, a bare-chested Anders kneeling between his legs. Shepard retreated immediately, closing the door behind him with an embarrassed groan.

He closed his eyes, trying to collect himself, but the scene he'd just witnessed was still vividly painted on his inner eye. Anders' long, graceful fingers on Steve's dark thighs, the curtain of his red-gold hair thankfully hiding what exactly he was doing. Not that there was much doubt, with the way the muscles in Cortez' stomach had been twitching as he was arching up into the mage's willing mouth, the way his hand had clenched into Anders' hair, the blissful expression on his face. _Well, obviously he's feeling better._

Shepard swallowed, remembering that time, back in Purgatory, when Steve had come on to him, an easy smile on his face. He had quickly rebuffed the other man's advances, not without a tinge of a guilty conscience, afraid he'd been leading him on unwittingly. Yet, Cortez had taken the rejection well, with a casual remark that made it clear there would be no ill feelings. And now Anders...

Putting aside his embarrassment, he felt a fierce surge of protectiveness. _That mage!_ Did he even know what Steve had been through with Robert? Did he even care? What kind of healer had nothing better to do than to go down on their patient? Of course, Cortez had seemed more than happy with the development, but Shepard was worried about him. In a few weeks they would have to leave, and he didn't want to see his friend get hurt again.

"What's the matter?" He had caught up with Fiona, who was looking at him quizzically. "Everything alright?"

He shook his head, but refused to elaborate. "I'll tell you later. Let's get going now."

When they returned, it was time for lunch, but afterwards, Shepard drew the mage aside. "Anders. A word in private, please."

The mage followed him to the study, a faint smile on his lips. Settling in an armchair, he looked up at Shepard expectantly.

"What is it, Commander?"

"I... wanted to apologize for walking in on the two of you this morning." Shepard cleared his throat. "I hadn't expected..."

"It's fine, Shepard." Anders was smiling. "It's not a secret, you know."

Shepard sighed. "Look, Anders, I don't know how much Steve told you about his past, but it seems you don't realize-"

The mage's smile vanished and his lips grew thin. "I know about Robert, Shepard. I would be a lousy healer if I hadn't seen right away that Steve's injuries were more than just physical. And trust me, I know enough about loss myself."

"So you thought having sex with him was the ideal therapy?" Shepard felt himself getting angry. "Has it crossed your mind that we will have to leave in a few weeks? Have you even considered what this might do to him?"

Anders rose from the chair and walked up to him. "Believe me, Commander, it's always on my mind. I like Steve, a lot. And he... Has it ever crossed _your_ mind that he might choose not to come back with you?"

"What do you mean?" Shepard had grown pale. He tried to imagine Cortez living here in this world, where his piloting skills would be all but useless, where the most advanced technology was dwarven plumbing, and failed. "If you think that's an option, you don't know Steve at all."

"All I'm saying is it's his problem, Shepard, not yours." Anders' features softened. "I believe you have quite enough on your plate sorting out your own feelings."

Shepard opened his mouth to contradict, but then thought better of it. Without another word, he turned and left the room.      

* * *

Ashley walked along the nave of the Chantry building, feeling slightly daunted by the atmosphere, the high vaulted ceilings, the way the sunlight slanted through the stained glass of the windows, the all-pervading smell of incense. She had seen pictures of similar edifices in her history books at school. _Cathedrals_ , that's what they were called. There were still some left on Earth, or had been before the Reaper attack, and her father had promised to take her to see one, back when she was still a child. She had always thought it must be easy to feel close to God in such a place, serene and calm and beautiful.

"Ashley. What are you doing here? Have you come to pray?" Sebastian's voice, rich and purring, sounded right behind her, startling her.

She spun around, blushing when she saw him approach in his white armour. "I'm not sure this is the right place for me to pray. But it's very peaceful."

He shrugged. "Why wouldn't it be? The Maker has room at his side for every soul. I'm sure he'll listen to your prayers if they come from the heart."

Ashley cocked her head. "The Maker... It seems your Maker and the God I believe in are rather similar."

Sebastian nodded. "Perhaps they're only different names for the same divine force that created the world."

"Perhaps." Ashley sighed. "Assuming it's the same world we're talking about."

Sebastian smiled at her. "That's not for me to judge. Come and sit with me for a while. I'll take you back to Hawke's place afterwards."

Ashley was tempted to point out that last time he had left her to find her way back on her own, but then she thought better of it. It would be nice to have company.

 


	6. Rising Heat

**Chapter 6 - Rising Heat**

A few days later, the breeze coming from the sea stopped, and they found out that Kirkwall could get hot in summer. Hotter than James had expected. For the first time in years, he actually missed the Normandy's climate control. No air conditioning here, and while the thick stone walls of Hawke's estate kept the rooms blessedly cool, outside it was sticky and the air felt too warm to breathe.

"You know, this reminds me of home." Wiping the sweat from his brow, he smiled at Isabela. "Only, when it got this warm, we would simply run down to the beach and have some fun in the ocean."

"That is an excellent idea, big boy." Isabela beamed back at him. "I'll have a word with Hawke."

Only hours later they all set out for a little cove on the Wounded Coast Hawke had discovered on a previous occasion. It was a long trek along the hot, sandy path, but even Ashley forgot to complain when she set sight on the crystal clear water lapping against a perfect white beach. James, for his part, didn't need to be asked twice. Within seconds, he had stripped down to his underclothes and was out in the surf, splashing about, feeling happier and more carefree than he had in months.

The others needed a little more time to acclimatize, but they soon followed his example and joined him in the water, laughing and playing. When the first bout of energy wore off, they stretched out lazily in the shallow water, enjoying the slight breeze and the sunlight. James closed his eyes and sprawled contentedly in the sun like a large cat, but he couldn't resist sneaking peeks from under his eyelids at the women.

Each of them was beautiful. Isabela, with her luscious curves, the water glistening in little droplets on her golden brown skin, her strong thighs covered in drying sand. Fiona, pale and slim, freckles all over her back, stuck to the shade, dangling her long, shapely legs into the water from her perch on a large boulder. And Ashley, trim and muscular, her hair slicked back across her tanned shoulders, kept swimming longer than any of them, her strong arms parting the waves with ease.

James sighed contentedly, noticing with amusement that Shepard couldn't seem to take his eyes off Fiona. The Commander was talking quietly with Isabela, yet his eyes kept wandering back to their host. Steve was exercising his leg in the water at some distance from them, under Anders' careful supervision. They spent a wonderful, lazy afternoon, and when they had to gather their things and head back to the city, they did so with considerable regret.

They hadn't got far, though, when Isabela cried out a warning. "Smugglers. Brace yourselves!"

Within seconds, Hawke's companions were gathered around their guests, taking up battle formation with the ease of long practice.

Isabela tossed him a cutlass with a gleeful smile. "Time to show what you've learned, big boy. Those bastards are in trouble now!"

And then the fight was upon him. Scruffy, unwashed thugs were hacking at him with an odd assortment of swords and knives, while their dogs were barking like mad and trying to snap at their hamstrings. For a moment he was worried they'd be overwhelmed, but then the mages snapped into action. James watched in fascination as the first row of enemies was frozen solid by one of Anders' spells. The rest suddenly stood paralyzed. An arrow whizzed by his ear, and he realized Ashley had grabbed her bow from her pack and was picking down enemies with deadly precision.

He heard Shepard curse behind him, lamenting the absence of his trusted gun, but then the Commander slammed a biotic wave right into the pack of dogs that stormed toward him, sending them flying through the air like toys. It was over within moments. The few surviving attackers took flight when they saw what had become of their cronies. Fiona and Shepard were grinning at each other like maniacs. Isabela was already busy searching the corpses for loot.

 

* * *

Back at Hawke's mansion, they quickly dispersed into the various rooms. The sun was setting and it had become a little cooler. Isabela was returning from the pump in the courtyard where she'd washed the blood and gore off as well as she could, when she felt James' firm hand dragging her inside his room.

"I love watching you fight. You're so incredibly fast and graceful..." He pulled her close and kissed her hard. "And deadly."

Isabela grinned. "You like that? Aren't you afraid I could hurt you?"

James' eyes narrowed. Obviously he didn't mind playing along with her. "You're welcome to try."

"You really think you can take me in a fight, big boy?" She put as much challenge as she could into her tone, and of course he immediately took the bait.

"You bet I can." His shirt came off in a flash.

Within moments, they were engaged in a wild tussle, each trying to trip the other up, to gain some sort of advantage. Isabela knew every dirty move in the book, but even so she had a hard time keeping up against the advantage he had because of his strength and weight. She laughed in genuine enjoyment as he picked her up bodily and tossed her across the room and onto the bed. Like most very strong men, he was usually so very careful, so very gentle, afraid he would hurt her. Isabela smiled to herself as she jumped back on her feet. It wasn't easy to bring out his rougher side, but appealing to his competitive streak had definitely been the right strategy.

They were both panting heavily when he finally succeeded in pinning her to the floor with his weight, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to kiss him, to mould herself against him with a willing sigh. She felt the tremble running all through his powerful body, felt him against her thighs, instantly hard, saw the way his eyes darkened with desire as he kissed her back, always hungry for more.

"Isabela." He pushed himself up a little to arrange her legs around his waist and then sank down again, rubbing his whole length against her through their clothes.

"Oh, Maker!" He felt so good, so warm and heavy on top of her, and the friction was _perfect,_ just right to keep her perched on the edge forever without being quite enough for her to come. Isabela dug her nails deep into his broad shoulders until he cried out in pain.

"Ouch! Hey! Are you trying to mark me? _Tigresa_. Wildcat."

He took hold of both her hands and pulled them up over her head where he gathered them tight in one of his hands, holding himself up easily on the other one. The movement made her breasts move up and he groaned at the sight. Without taking the time to undress her, he bowed down and sucked hard on one nipple through the fabric. She cried out at the intense rush of lust that went straight down to her core.

And still he held her down, his mouth busy on her breasts, his cock rubbing against her, and it felt so good that she couldn't help begging for more. "James, please."

He stopped what he was doing for a moment and looked into her face, an amused glint in his eyes. "Please?"

"Yes, please!" She didn't care any more, she needed him inside her, now. "I... Please, James."

Suddenly his weight was off her, but his hands were already gripping her hips, turning her around so she was kneeling next to the bed and could prop up her arms and legs on the mattress. He moved in behind her and unlaced his pants. He didn't bother with her boots or her tunic, just slid her smalls down and then she felt him between her legs, nudging against her with his thick tip, careful not to hurt her. But she was more than ready for him, and she pushed herself back hard, feeling him slide deep inside her.

 _"Dios,_ Isabela!" He was clearly struggling for control, his hands digging deep into her skin, his whole body trembling with the effort of holding back, but then he took a long, slow breath and started to move.

"More." She arched up her back, high, until she had him at the perfect angle, and he followed her every move, his thrusts hard and insistent, setting a fast but steady pace that soon took her to the brink of ecstasy. When he reached around and pressed his hand hard to her core, she screamed with unbridled lust, grinding herself back into him until she felt him follow her, both of them shaking and trembling with the power of their climax.

He slid out of her, placing an unexpectedly soft kiss on her neck. When she was sure she could stand without swaying, Isabela got up and stretched, peeling off her boots and tunic, putting them aside with care. Then she walked across the room to pour herself a glass of wine, naked and completely unselfconscious. He lay back and watched her appreciatively, relaxed and sated, while she drank in small sips, savouring the rich, tart taste of the Nevarran red.

When she turned back and gave him a saucy wink, he laughed. "You are quite something, Isabela. I never imagined a woman like you actually existed."

"What do you mean, ‘a woman like me’?" She walked back to him, glass in hand and offered it to him, but he declined with a shake of his head. Sitting down on the rug next to him, she peeked at him from under her long lashes. Her dark red nails traced the pattern of his tattoo along his shoulder. "Gorgeous? Dangerous? Hot?"

James chuckled and reached for a lock of her hair, twisting it around his finger. "All of that." He pulled her into a quick kiss, nipping playfully on her lower lip. "But what I really meant was... You enjoy sex so much. And you do what you like, take your pleasures the way you want, without worrying about what people might think."

Isabela shrugged. "Why should I care about other people's opinion? They don't know me."

"Their loss." James' hands were slowly moving downwards until he was cupping one heavy breast.

Glancing down she could see that he was already hardening again. Soon she would have him ready for a second round.

"Never change, Isabela. You're amazing."

She smiled and leant into his touch. "So you don't want me all to yourself?"

His thumb carefully brushed across her nipple, drawing a quick gasp from her. "I'm not ready to settle down yet, _mamacita._ And besides, I won't be around for long." He kissed her again, a short, hard kiss, accompanied by a gentle squeeze of his hand. "Still, all the more reason to make the most of our time together."

"Then why are we still talking?" Getting to her feet in one fluid movement, she took his hand and dragged him up on the bed.

 

* * *

The next morning they were all gathered around the breakfast table when Merrill skipped through the door with a happy smile, followed by Anders. "We've got it."

"You've got what?" Fiona was yawning lazily, but Shepard was immediately awake.

"I found a reference to creating portals in one of your books, Hawke, and then Justice mentioned portals created by the Tevinter magisters in ancient times, and I looked up another mention in _The History of Magic in Thedas_ , and then when Anders said-"

"Short version, Merrill." Fiona was alert now, her voice clear and firm.

"We can do it." Anders sounded elated. "With Justice's help, of course, and we will need a power source. The books mention something called _conjurer's blood_. In addition, we need a crystalline wand of concentration, to focus the lyrium's power and make it resonate on the perfect wavelength."

"See? It's easy." Merrill was beaming.

Fiona's face fell. "Oh my. And where are we supposed to find a... crystalline wand of what?"

Merrill seemed unperturbed. "Of concentration. Well, that was a stroke of luck, actually. You see, I happened to mention it to Xenon-"

Fiona frowned. "Wait a minute. Xenon? You mean Xenon the Antiquarian? The guy who runs the Black Emporium?"

Merrill nodded, smiling sweetly. "Yes. That Xenon. We are friends, you see, and he told me-"

"Xenon the Antiquarian is your friend?" Fiona was flabberghasted.

Shepard cut in, hardly able to contain his irritation. "Would you mind, Fiona? I'd like to hear what this Xenon guy said."

Merrill shrugged. "Well, according to him, it's here, in Kirkwall."

"And where?" Fiona had jumped to her feet in excitement.

"The vaults of the Chantry museum, of course."

 


	7. Joining Forces

**Chapter 7 - Joining Forces**

"The vaults of the Chantry museum," Fiona repeated, a stunned expression on her face. "But how are we ever going... We might need Sebastian's help to get in. If he can be persuaded to take part in this."

Shepard realized he was trembling with excitement. "He has to help us. Ash, he seems to like you. Maybe you can convince him to help?"

"What do you expect me to do, Shepard? Use my feminine wiles on him? I'm not an Asari dancer." Ashley sounded frosty.

"That's _not_ what I meant. But honestly, Ashley?" He was beginning to lose patience. "If that's what it takes, then yes, I expect you to do all you can. This is more important than your pride."

Ashley's face turned red as she opened her mouth to answer, but Fiona cut her off with a gesture. "Now please, let's not get too worked up." She put a calming hand on Shepard's sleeve. "I'm sure Sebastian will see reason. And if he doesn't, we will find another solution. But what in Andraste's name do you mean by _conjurer's blood_? If you are suggesting-"

"Should be easy enough to procure," Fenris growled, throwing a sidelong glance at Anders.

"Ah, no, I think I can help you there, messere." To everyone's surprise, Bodahn came to the fore, wiping his hands on his apron. "It's not actually blood, you see. That's just dwarven miners' slang for lyrium in viscous form, found in some sections of the Deep Roads. Practically impossible to mine unless you know the secret, but they say its power is easier to access. The Tevinter magisters used to pay a high price for it."

"Bodahn!" Fiona threw her arms around the old dwarf, hugging him tight. "You are the best! And where can we find it?"

"There are a number of places." Bodahn blushed furiously. "I can mark them on your map, and Ser Varric can easily put together a small expedition. But you’ll need someone who can actually recognize it. Why don't you take my boy with you? He'll find it for you and help you extract it."

"Sandal?" Fiona smiled, obviously touched by Bodahn's eagerness. "Would you entrust his safety to me, Bodahn?"

"To you, messere? Always." The old dwarf looked at her fondly, and Shepard felt his chest tighten. _What does she do to inspire such loyalty?_

"This conjurer's blood, it's not... dangerous, is it?" Fiona sounded worried. "This whole thing reminds me a bit of the idol we found, you know, when we went to the Deep Roads with Bartrand."

"Nothing of that kind." Bodahn's tone was almost fatherly. "You just need to know how to handle it. Not something we usually tell surfacers about, but Sandal will know what to do."

"Thank you, Bodahn." Fiona shook his hand, her face earnest and sincere. "I'll try and be worthy of your trust."

"Be that as it may, it will be a while until we've got all the stuff we need." Ashley's strident tones took them back to the present. "And once the portal is set up, we need to make sure we won't end up killed the moment we return. Remember that thresher maw, Shepard?"

He nodded. "True. It won't do us any good just to go back there if we can't reach higher ground in time."

Anders' eyes narrowed. "You'll have to tell me more about this. Let's talk later. There may be a way."

 

 

 

* * *

Another week passed, with all of them busy with their various tasks. Fiona collected information about the Chantry museum, while Varric assembled what they needed for their trip to the Deep Roads. Shepard and his companions got more restless with each passing day, though. The situation was beginning to wear them down. Not knowing what was happening back home, unable to speed things up, they were caught in a limbo.

Fiona did her best to keep them busy. "Shepard? Care to come to the market with me? I've got a number of things I need to buy, magical supplies and the like. And I need to speak to Hubert."

For a moment, it seemed as if he wanted to snap at her, but then he relented. "Sure. Why not? Who's Hubert?"

She sighed. "My associate. It's complicated."

On the way to Hubert's stall, she tried to explain about her share in the Bone Pit, and how she had come to own it. Shepard listened patiently, even though he seemed a bit absent-minded. He did become slightly more attentive when she mentioned the dragons she had fought at the mine, though.

"Dragons? Really?" He seemed almost amused. "You're sure they weren't just mutated lizards of some kind?"

Fiona frowned. "I don't know what you mean. They were definitely dragons, though fortunately rather small ones. Most of them. The last one we fought was almost fully grown." She shuddered.

They had reached Hubert's stall, and she mentally braced herself for her conversation with her fellow mine owner. As usual, Hubert was concerned mostly with his profits, but what he told her had her really worried. A whole caravan destroyed, no survivors...

She sighed. "I will go out and have a look, Hubert. This doesn't sound good."

Shepard glanced at her sideways as they were making their way back to the house. "Do you want to leave straight away?"

"I might as well. There's nothing we can do about your problems right now, and this shouldn't take too long. I can probably be back in a few days." Fiona's mouth set in a firm line. "I'll ask around who is up for a trip to the Bone Pit."

Most of her friends turned out to be less than enthusiastic about the idea of travelling to the mine.

Isabela flat-out refused to go. "Honestly, Hawke, you should have gotten rid of the place years ago. If there ever was a cursed place, it's that blighted old hellhole. I'm not setting foot in it again. By the way, did I ever mention there's a brothel in Antiva City called _The Bone Pit_? Entirely different place, of course."

Varric and Merrill both claimed to be too busy with the preparations for their trip to the Deep Roads, and Aveline was completely caught up in guard duties. In the end Fiona asked Fenris, though she knew he detested the place. He, for one, didn't need to be convinced that there was a curse attached to it, with so many slaves having died a horrible death there. She knew he would tag along for her sake, though. Sebastian agreed to come when he heard Fenris would be there, and of course Anders couldn't let the other two men get the better of him.

They were all set to leave on the next morning, but to Fiona's surprise, Shepard stopped her when she set off for her room to have an early night.

"Fiona. Would it be alright with you if we joined you?"

"We?" She tried to hide her surprise.

"Vega, Ashley, and me. We might be able to help you. And we will probably go mad if we just stay here and wait for another week."

Fiona closed her eyes for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. Her first impulse was to say no. She and her companions were a well-established team, for all the differences between them. Taking others along would only complicate things.

On the other hand, what Hubert had described sounded bad. They might well end up being grateful for another fighter or two. Isabela had been full of praise for James' melee abilities. Shepard had his biotics, and Ashley had been practising faithfully with her bow.

The memory of how all three of them had come through during the smugglers' attack on their way back from the coast decided her. "Sure. If you can be ready at dawn tomorrow."

"We will be." Shepard's face was determined. "You can rely on us."

 

 

 

* * *

When they set out early next morning, Fiona inspected her new companions with a fond smile. Shepard looked good in his Warden armour, and Ashley carried her bow with confidence. James was wearing huge red shoulder guards that looked oddly familiar.

"James?" Her brow furrowed in an effort to recall where she'd seen them before. "What _are_ you wearing?"

He grinned happily. "Aren't they neat? I got them from Boots. Said she nicked them from that giant you killed."

"The Arishok?" Fiona bit back a laugh.

On the way out to the pit, Sebastian, Anders and Fenris took point, with James and Shepard right behind him, and Fiona and Anders bringing up the rear. Her friend seemed more melancholy than usual, and when she raised a questioning eyebrow, he shrugged, a crooked little smile on his face.

"I miss Steve. Can't wait to be back." His voice carried so much warmth at the mentioning of the name that Fiona smiled to herself.

It was good to see Anders like this. Much better than his unhealthy preoccupation with mages' rights and Templar wrongdoings, righteous as his cause might be. She hadn't seen any trace of Justice in the past few weeks, and she briefly wondered if the spirit was biding his time, waiting for Steve to leave before he renewed his hold on Anders.

When they made camp for the night in a little clearing out in the forest, Shepard and James immediately engaged in a friendly bragging contest about who could put up the tents faster. Watching them was heart-warming, Fiona thought. The young lieutenant was obviously full of respect for his commanding officer, despite his occasional attempts at calling him out. At the same time, there was no mistaking Shepard's protectiveness toward the younger man. _He is a natural leader, no doubt about it._

They soon had a fire going and settled down for the evening, sharing hot tea and dried beef and biscuits.

 

 

 

* * *

Ashley was seated between Sebastian and Fenris. The two of them seemed to have a curious relationship. They clearly enjoyed each other's company, yet the elf was fiercely critical of Sebastian's religious convictions.

"I don't know how you can just overlook the obvious, Sebastian. Terrible things do happen all the time. The guilty prosper. Innocents die. If there really is a Maker, why does he allow it?" Fenris' deep, sonorous voice carried a scathing undertone.

Sebastian sighed. "What we see is only a piece of the puzzle. Only the Maker can see the greater picture." He gestured expansively. "There is always a greater purpose."

Fenris shrugged. "Then it is singularly well hidden. It doesn't feel like the Maker cares about anything we do. No matter what you say, I still haven't seen any evidence that he even exists."

Ashley shook her head, quoting softly to herself. "The sun, the moon, the stars, the seas, the hills and the plains. Are not these, O Soul, the Vision of Him who reigns?"

Sebastian turned to her with an eager expression. "That is beautiful. Is it from your world?" When she nodded, he took her hand, giving it a brief squeeze. "It's good to know I'm not the only one who believes in a higher power."

Ashley tilted her head back to indicate the stars. "How can you look out at the sky and not believe in something?"

Ignoring Fenris' contemptuous snort, they shared a brief smile.

 

 

 

* * *

They crawled out of their tents early the next morning. Shepard winced when he felt the effects of spending the night on the ground, with nothing more than a thin bedroll between him and an untold number of pebbles and small twigs. It had taken him hours to fall asleep. Ashley looked just as worn out as he did. Only Vega seemed unaffected.

In just a few hours, they reached the area near the Bone Pit. Shepard had never seen a place that was such a weird mixture of stunning and desolate. The view was gorgeous, mountains and clouds and untamed forests, but at the same time the landscape was bleak and cold and unforgiving, and the atmosphere oddly ominous.

When they got closer to the mine, the smell was the first thing that hit them. Burnt flesh, death and decay. The miners' camp was covered in ashes, horribly mutilated bodies scattered everywhere. It didn't take them long to ascertain that there were no survivors.

Fiona's mouth was set in a hard line as she took them along a path down the mountainside, following the trail of devastation. Two huge pillars flanked the path in front of them where it led into a large open space. They were about to descend when a flapping noise made them look up.

"Maker help us." Fiona had turned white as a sheet. "It's a High Dragon."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines Ashley quotes are an excerpt from "The Higher Pantheism" by Alfred Tennyson.


	8. Dragon's Blood

**Chapter 8 - Dragon's Blood**

Shepard held his breath. The dragon didn't seem to be in a hurry, and as he watched the huge beast settle slowly in their midst, its giant wings flapping lazily, his stomach clenched in fear. True, he had faced down a Reaper all by himself, but this was different. A living, breathing being, wild and feral and oddly beautiful, yet completely deadly.

Fiona's initial shock wore off quickly, and she barked commands at her companions. Sebastian and Ashley were to keep back and pelt the dragon with arrows, while she would try to pin it down with her spells, so the warriors could attack it without being torn to pieces. Anders' main job was healing, even though the mage was also proficient in ice and fire spells. As for Shepard, he would try to use his biotics to maximum advantage.

He could see Fiona frantically casting as the dragon was advancing on them, but it soon became apparent her spells were just bouncing off its leathery hide.

"It's immune to paralysis, Hawke! Try to slow it." Anders sounded close to panic, and Fiona redoubled her efforts, but in vain. Spell after spell sizzled uselessly along the huge scales, and the monster was almost upon them.

"Damn it, Hawke. Do something!" Anders' voice was strangled with fear.

The dragon raised its spiky head and opened its jaws to breathe fire at him. Moments before it fried them all, Anders cried out a spell and a sheet of ice descended upon the creature, stopping it for a few valuable seconds.

"Ice works!" Anders sounded almost giddy. "But not for long!" he added, when the dragon shook off the icicles and attacked once more. Running like mad, they regrouped and tried again.

A considerable number of arrows stuck out the beast's flank, and he heard Sebastian shout out with glee as another two found their mark. "Well done, Ashley!"

Ashley didn't even bother to look as she notched another arrow. "Well, the target is hard to miss."

Shepard managed to hit the dragon hard with a full biotic blast, and it actually reeled on its huge hind legs for a moment. Vega and Fenris took advantage of this to duck under its wings and go for its soft underbelly. They had to scramble to get away, though, as the dragon unfolded its wings with a loud screech and took to the sky, flapping up to a rocky promontory and proceeding to breathe fire at them.

"Damn it, we have to weaken it somehow!" Fiona was furious, clearly struggling with her inability to deal some damage to the beast at this distance. "Sebastian, we need your bow. Hit it, blight you!"

"It's too far away." Sebastian was obviously biting back a curse of his own.

In their zeal to attack the dragon they spotted a horde of baby dragons coming at them from behind far too late. The little lizards weren't all that dangerous; as a matter of fact they looked almost cute. But there were so many of them! Shepard tried his best to disperse them, sending a few of them flying high into the air with biotic attacks, but it was a close call.

When the last dragonling had died with a pitiful squeak, the mother dragon gave a huge roar and descended upon them again. Anders froze the beast as soon as it landed, and James and Fenris attacked with renewed vigour. They actually managed to get in some serious wounds, but then the dragon's head turned and a huge, yellow eye fixed on Fenris. Before any of them could act, the elf's lithe body was grabbed by enormous jaws and dragged off the ground. There was a sickening, crunching noise as the dragon's teeth closed around Fenris' ribcage. Fiona was screaming at the top of her lungs, frantically scrabbling for a lyrium potion, her face a mask of terror. Shepard concentrated hard and aimed a powerful slam right at the beast's head. If this wasn't enough...

But it worked. The dragon roared in fury again and dropped Fenris to the ground. Anders was at his side immediately, frantically casting healing spells, shaking his head at the enormity of the elf's injuries.

"Damn it, lizard! Attack someone your own size!" James was slicing vigorously at the dragon's exposed front, doing his best to taunt it away from Fenris' broken body. He had forgotten about the fiery breath, though, and a single exhale made him cry out in pain as his eyebrows were singed off and his forehead covered in burns.

The dragon was getting desperate now, their arrows and melee attacks having weakened it considerably, but the fight was far from over. Just as they thought they were beginning to gain the upper hand, two young male dragons appeared at the edge of the quarry, hissing like large snakes as they advanced.

It all became a blur at this point. Shepard was trying hard to stay out of the beasts' reach as he threw wave upon wave of biotic attacks against them. He only dimly realized that one of them had taken down Fiona and was rearing its head above her, getting ready for the kill, before he smashed it back against a rock wall with all the force he could muster. The attacks kept coming, more dragonlings appearing from hidden crevices, and he was exhausted, bleeding from a gash in his shoulder where a large claw had torn straight through his armour.

The smaller dragons and dragonlings went down one by one, and still the mother dragon was fighting, its wings too badly damaged to attempt flight now, dark, smelly blood pooling under its torso. In the end it was Anders who dealt the killing blow. A last magical attack, an icy grasp squeezing the huge frame, and the dragon slumped down with what was almost a sigh.

It was over. The sudden silence made them all shake their heads in confusion. Anders was already downing a few lyrium potions, getting ready to heal the wounded. Fenris was on his feet again, limping over to Fiona and snorting contemptuously when she offered him her arm, even though he was obviously in pain. Vega's burns were easily dealt with, and the archers had escaped practically unharmed.

"What about you, Commander?" The mage came toward him with a smile, battered and bruised, deep rings of exhaustion under his eyes. "Let me have a look at this before it gets infected."

He knelt down at Shepard's side and under his experienced hands the wound closed almost immediately. But then he sat back with a cry of surprise, his face growing pale. "You- But this is impossible."

"What is?" Fiona had shown up, a number of bloody dragon scales tied into a neat bundle carelessly thrown over her shoulder.

Anders seemed agitated. "He is a grown man, obviously, but his body..." He looked up at her, fear in his eyes. "His body is only a few years old."

"What do you mean?" Fiona sounded confused, and Shepard sighed a weary sigh.

"I can explain. Later. When we get home."

She nodded, but on the way back she walked at Anders' side, and the two of them were deep in conversation, occasionally throwing wary glances in his direction. Shepard couldn't blame them.

 

* * *

It was a long walk back to Kirkwall, and James couldn't wait for it to be over. Not for the first time since they had come here, he missed being picked up by the shuttle at the end of a mission, missed seeing Steve's smile of relief and hearing his old friend's sarcastic comments.

When they got home, he headed straight for his room, and sure enough, Isabela was waiting for him, stretched out on the bed with an inviting smile, her nostrils flaring at the stink of blood and sweat on him.

"Andraste's ass, what did you kill out there, big boy? You smell like a sulphur pit."

He grinned, enjoying her surprise. "A High Dragon."

She whistled and walked up to him, helping him out of his clothes and dropping them in a heap outside the door. "Bodahn?"

When the dwarf turned up, she smiled winningly. "Could you set up a tub of hot water? And get us some soap? Dragon blood won't come off without a good soak."

"Certainly, messere." Bodahn disappeared, and a little while later two sturdy servants appeared with a wooden tub and several buckets of hot water.

"Come here." As soon as they had left, Isabela beckoned to James. "Get in."

He sat down in the warm water with a happy sigh. This was a rare luxury in a household that normally made do with a water bowl in every room and a pump in the yard. More than once he had missed the hot showers on the Normandy. But this was nice. He enjoyed the feel of Isabela's deft hands on his body as she scrubbed off the dirt and gore before moving on to far more agreeable touches. When he climbed out of the tub, he was half-hard already and only too willing to move over to the bed with her.

Isabela laughed under her breath as he stretched out beside her, and let her fingers wander over his lower belly. "What do you think? A dragon tattoo, down here? To commemorate your victory?"

He grinned. "Nice idea, _mamacita_. Why don't you show me exactly where you want it to go?"

 

* * *

Fiona shook her head in disbelief. Shepard's explanation seemed like something from a nursery tale. "So you're telling me you were dead, and then those _Cerberus_ guys brought you back and rebuilt your body from scratch?"

Shepard sighed. "Look, I know it's hard to believe, but yes, that's it, in a nutshell."

A flash of revulsion crossed her features. "How is that possible? Did they use blood magic? Like Quentin?"

Anders shook his head. "No, Hawke. There are no traces of dark magic on him. This is completely different from what Quentin tried to do. A new body, built from scratch." The mage was obviously fascinated, his eyes almost feverish. "To have such power... To be able to heal such injuries! The people who brought you back must be amazing healers. Hawke, imagine if we could-"

"They pay a high price for their ability," Shepard cut him off. "And it's not something they do on a regular basis."

Anders nodded, his enthusiasm dampening a little. "That is always the way of such things. But still..." He sighed. "Would you mind letting me have another look at your wound? Your body responds differently to healing because of your... condition, and I would like to make sure I haven't missed anything."

"Sure." Shepard took off his shirt to allow Anders easy access to his chest. The injury had already mostly disappeared, thanks to the mage's talents and his body's enhancements, but he still winced at the healer's touch.

Fiona stepped aside to give them more privacy, but she couldn't resist sneaking occasional looks at him. His body looked so amazingly... sculpted, for want of a better word, strong and taut and with muscles in all the right places. She closed her eyes, trying to think of something else, but all she could see in her mind's eye was the lovely view she got whenever he was walking in front of her, the leather pants clinging tight to his shapely- _Enough, Fiona!_ She firmly scolded herself. This wouldn't do.

Anders sat back with a sigh. "Everything seems to be fine. You should have told me before, though."

Shepard shrugged. "I'm sorry."

"I have to check up on Fenris again." Anders prepared to leave. "Do you have another lyrium potion for me, Hawke?"

Fiona sighed. "Ask Bodahn for a few. But be careful, Anders. You've had more than enough lyrium in the past few days."

When the mage had left, Fiona walked over to sit down next to Shepard.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "He's right. I should have told you before."

Fiona smiled shyly. "I imagine it can't be easy. There's really no good way to tell people you've come back from the dead."

He snorted. "No. There isn't."

Shepard was still shirtless, and her eyes were drawn to his naked chest again. "When they... rebuilt you, did they give you exactly the body you had before?" She blushed. "I'm sorry. I'm being rude."

"No, you're not." He was smiling now. "They improved it a little, to be honest. Made it more resilient, fitter, in better shape."

And yet there were so many scars, all over his chest and arms and back. Fighting back the desire to touch them, to let her fingers trace every one of them, she forced herself to look up and meet his eyes.

"You must have been in a lot of fights." Maker, that sounded lame.

But he just nodded. "I can't even remember how many. So many fights, so many injuries, so many scars. But then, you have your share of scars too, don't you?"

She followed his gaze down to her bare calf and the large white line running along it where the Arishok's blade had left a deep gash. Maker, but the way he was looking at it! They weren't touching, but she could _feel_ his gaze on her skin, warm and tender, almost caressing her with his eyes.

Fiona swallowed. "I should go."

He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then he seemed to reconsider. "Good night, Fiona."

 

 

 


	9. Risks and Rewards

**Chapter 9 - Risks and Rewards**

Ashley sighed deeply, cursing the mess she'd got herself into. She hated feeling out of her depth, and she hated every form of dishonesty. Yet here she was, trying to wheedle Sebastian into helping them break into the Chantry vaults. Because Shepard had asked her to, ordered her to, really, and no matter how much she liked Sebastian, she knew this was their only chance, knew she had to get him to cooperate somehow.

"Would you do it for me?" She tried to make her voice sultry as she looked up at him, attempting to sound promising and coy at the same time.

"No." His mouth had set into a thin line. "I won't. Save yourself the trouble."

Ashley ground her teeth in frustration. They had become friendly in the past few weeks. No, they had become _friends._ He had been so patient, helping her with her bow, and they had spent hours together in the Chantry or its gardens, talking, sharing their thoughts on the universe, their faith, their beliefs. She was by no means unaffected by his looks or his charm, but she could respect his life choices, or so she told herself. And now she was more or less offering herself as payment for his support. _No idea why Shepard thinks this will work._

Yet she'd promised she would try. "So there's no way I can tempt you?"

He sighed. "Look, this is a huge risk to take, and it's not something I'm comfortable with. I'll think about it, and I'll pray about it, and tomorrow I'll come by and let Hawke know my decision. But you making eyes at me won't change a thing."

She was blushing furiously now, and he took pity on her. "Please leave, Ashley. I need time to think."

 

* * *

Steve woke to find his left arm had gone numb, the tingling sensation irritating enough that he risked waking Anders by pulling it out from under the mage's lean, lanky body. Anders didn't seem bothered by it. He was sound asleep, his golden hair tousled, his long blond lashes fluttering against the pale skin of his gaunt cheeks. _Lord knows, he needs some rest._ The shadows under Anders' eyes were deep enough to look almost purple. The sensible thing would have been to have an early night, instead of being at it like rabbits once again.

Not that he was complaining. Anders was an incredibly skilled lover, both with and without the addition of certain magical tricks, completely free of any inhibitions, utterly shameless and insatiable. And he was blessed with an impressive amount of stamina, thanks to this _taint_ he kept referring to. But what really made him special was his devotion, the way he abandoned himself so completely to Steve's caresses, holding nothing back, offering all of himself. It was almost scary sometimes.

He was so lost in thought that he nearly missed the moment when Anders' deep, regular breaths changed their rhythm as he woke. Now he found the mage's warm, brown eyes fixed on him with an expression of sheer tenderness.

"Steve." A wide smile curved his lips upwards, and a spark of something else appeared in those eyes. "Good morning."

He couldn't help but smile back. Anders happy and relaxed was a sight few people could resist, especially knowing they were the source of his happiness. "Good morning."

Anders stretched with a long, contented yawn. "Maker, I feel sore."

With a lazy flick of his hands, he cast a quick spell, sighing with relief as the magic sparked along both their bodies, leaving Steve feeling refreshed and more than a little horny. "That's better. Now come here."

Steve frowned. "Are you sure that's wise? Shouldn't you save your magic and get some sleep?"

The mage's smile got wider. "So you're an expert on magic now? Don't worry. There's always lyrium, and Hawke keeps up a steady supply. I can keep going a lot longer than this."

His expression was definitely suggestive now, his gaze hot on Steve's skin. "I wish I could wake up like this with you for the rest of our lives."

Steve stiffened, little alarm bells going off in his head. "Anders, you know we can't-"

"Shhhh." Anders was on him in a flash, lips hungry and demanding, eyes almost feverish. "I don't want to hear it. Let me dream."

Steve rolled his eyes, but he let him proceed, unable to resist that hot mouth. _One day you'll have to listen, Anders._ But right now, it was only too easy to let himself get distracted by more agreeable pursuits.

 

* * *

Sebastian knew where Elthina kept the keys to the Vault. The Grand Cleric trusted him implicitly, which only made him feel worse about what he was doing now. Yet he owed Hawke, and he understood this was the only way for Shepard and his companions to return home.

And it was not as if the lock on Elthina's door presented much of a challenge. He had picked more complicated locks at the age of fifteen, back in Starkhaven. Actually, he had done a lot worse things as a teenager, but this was not the time to think about them. The door opened almost soundlessly, as did the desk drawer, with the help of a little oil. Wrapping the keys into a velvet cloth to keep them from clanging, he quickly hid all signs of his break-in and made his way over to the small side door where Hawke was waiting for him.

He had warned her not to bring too many people, but Shepard was with her, and so, to Sebastian's surprise, was Ashley. She avoided his gaze, but he felt her eyes on his neck whenever he turned away.

"Quickly," he breathed, leading them along the nave and down into the shadowy crypt, filled with the sarcophagi of long-dead grand clerics. At the far end of the room there was a large, heavily fortified door, emblazoned with the Chantry sigil. Hawke raised a questioning eyebrow at him, and he nodded. The entrance to the vaults.

He'd brought the oil bottle and the door swivelled smoothly on its hinges, allowing access to a dark, wide staircase. Hawke stretched out her palm and summoned a tiny magelight, just enough to keep them from tripping on the stairs.

"Lead the way." Her voice was calm. _Not her first break-in either._

Ashley was more nervous, her hand icy-cold when he took it to help her find her way around an almost invisible trap on the stairs. The Chantry authorities weren't naive, and the treasures hidden down here were well protected against ordinary, run-of-the-mill criminals. A sudden smile spread across Sebastian's face when he realized he was actually enjoying the challenge. Just like the old times, when he had stolen valuables from different locations in the palace in Starkhaven, sometimes to pay off his gambling debts, sometimes for a drunken wager. He had never been caught and the thought still filled him with pride.

But Ashley wasn't familiar with this kind of thrill, which was obvious from her pinched look, even if he admired the quiet grace of her movements. They quickly passed through the first three rooms, stuffed full of crates and dusty statuary, and finally reached a small, dark chamber where the wand should be stored, according to the inventory lists he had studied during the day. It had been easy to come up with a pretext to do so, some sort of story about wanting to research a family heirloom.

It wasn't probable that the wand would be missed any time soon, not with the sheer amount of stuff stowed away down here, far more than the museum curators could ever hope to have the room to display. Not that they would necessarily want to display everything that was hidden down here, he thought with a smirk, as they were passing a particularly graphic example of ancient Tevinter erotic sculpture. Ashley blushed when she caught sight of the entangled bodies, and for a second, unbidden fantasies rose to the surface of his mind. _Bending her down, just like the lithe girl in the sculpture, hearing her moan-_ He shook his head vehemently to drive the thought from his mind. Clearly too many old memories were coming back tonight...

 

* * *

Ashley stifled a dry cough when yet another cloud of dust rose from a crate as Shepard pulled off its linen covering. He was getting impatient, his face taut with tension, his jaw working furiously. This was taking longer than they had anticipated. Sebastian had warned them that they would have to get out of here well before dawn or risk getting caught by the Templar on duty in the crypt.

The prince was doing his best to help, scanning the lists pinned to the sides of the crates, pushing objects out of the way with an ease that betrayed the strength of his tall, wiry body. His eyes were shining with a barely contained excitement that surprised her and created a curious flutter in her stomach.

Finally Hawke uttered a small cry of triumph and grabbed a wrapped object from a crate. "Got it. This fits Merrill's description."

"Good." Shepard visibly relaxed. "Let's get out of here."

They quickly hid all signs of their presence, trying to rearrange the crates the way they had been. But when they looked back, Hawke cursed silently. It was more than obvious where the dust covering most of the room had been disturbed.

"Stand back." Taking her staff from the sling on her shoulder, she raised it and murmured a few words. A light, but insistent breeze whirled through the room, whipping up the dust and resettling it in a fine, even layer.

Sebastian flashed her an unexpected grin. "That's neat."

She smiled back, but turned without another word. Quickly they made their way back to the crypt, but as soon as the door to the vaults had closed behind them, Sebastian pushed them behind a sarcophagus with a muffled curse. "Down."

Heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs, and a small circle of light appeared at the top of them. Hawke tensed, a small wisp of magic beginning to gather between her fingertips, but Sebastian shook his head vehemently at her and motioned for her to stay down. The footsteps were advancing down the stairs now, massive armoured boots becoming visible in the shine of the lantern. Sebastian closed his eyes, muttering something under his breath and then sank down on his knees next to a particularly elaborately carved sarcophagus, his sonorous voice intoning a passage from the Chant that Ashley immediately recognized.

"O Maker, hear my cry:  
Seat me by Your side in death."

The footsteps faltered when the Templar came within earshot. "Who's down there?"

Sebastian ignored the call, his face a picture of devotion, his voice calm and carrying, his warm brogue turning each line into a rich melodious lilt.

"Make me one within Your glory  
And let the world once more see Your favor."

"Brother Vael? Is that you?" The Templar sounded surprised but friendly. "What are you doing here at this time of the night?"

Sebastian raised his head, a smile of pure innocence on his features. "Ser Edwin. I have come to pray at Grand Cleric Wulfruna's grave."

He gestured toward the sarcophagus. "She's a relative on my grandmother's side, you know, and I've sworn an oath to honour her birthday with a nightly vigil every year."

"Of course." The Templar stepped back, a respectful expression on his face. "I shall leave you in peace then, Brother."

"Thank you." Sebastian's face remained earnest and sober.

As soon as the guard's footsteps had retreated, he exhaled sharply, dropping all pretence, and quickly beckoned them to follow him. "Quick. There's no time to waste. I have to put Elthina's keys back before she wakes."

They left him at the side door, his long, lean silhouette framed by the doorway. Hawke hugged him briefly and silently to thank him, then she snuck off into the pitch-black darkness of Kirkwall's streets at night. Ashley knew she should be leaving too, but she couldn't resist a last look back at him. He looked so lonely, so lost that she almost turned back. But then she shook herself and followed Hawke.


	10. Gone Too Far

**Chapter 10 - Gone Too Far**

If there was one thing Shepard actually enjoyed about this whole crazy adventure, it was the evenings he spent with Fiona in her study. They'd sit on the woven rug in front of the fire, drink wine and talk about this and that. Inconsequential stuff at first, comparing the toughest fights they'd been in, sharing anecdotes and laughing about embarrassing memories. Then, one night, she'd told him about her beloved sister who had been trampled to death by an ogre, and about the night she'd lost her mother. He had taken her hand and squeezed it hard, unable to find any words.

He had talked about his own past, about losing his family on Mindoir, about losing Kaidan and Mordin and Thane. And now here he was, telling her about the boy. The boy he had never spoken about to anyone else. The kid whom he'd tried to save on Earth, only to see him burn to death in a shuttle shot down by a Reaper's laser, the  boy who had haunted his nightmares ever since.

He was relieved when Fiona didn't try to comfort him with any of the phrases he had come to dread. _You can't save everyone. I'm sure you did all you could. Maybe it was meant to be._

Instead she just nodded. "I know."

She didn't say more, but he realized it was the simple truth. She knew. She had been there, just like he had.

Without speaking another word, they finished the rest of the wine in their goblets. He got up to leave, stretching to work the kinks out of his neck. She looked up at him, an odd expression in her eyes, as if she was trying to work out a problem.

He smiled at her and stretched out a hand to help her up. She took it, and when he pulled, she somehow ended up far too close to him, practically in his arms, her face only a hand's width from his. _Her face. So sweet. So lovely._ Without thinking, he pulled her even closer and kissed her, hard and greedily.

Too greedily, it turned out. She cried out in pain when his teeth scraped her lip, then pulled back abruptly with a shriek as his hand got tangled in her hair. Her forehead bumped hard against his nose, and he cursed.

"Ouch! Careful." Her lip was bleeding and she was rubbing her scalp.

He shook his head ruefully. "I'm sorry. I'm out of practice."

Fiona smiled. "Me too. But..." He raised a questioning eyebrow, and she took his hand, pulling it up to cup her cheek. "I would like to try again."

This time they took it slow, lips brushing against each other carefully, then with more insistence, tongues slowly exploring, mutely begging for entrance, then engaging in a lazy, languorous dance that became more and more heated until they had to pause for breath.

"Much better." Fiona's face was flushed, and her breath was coming in quick gasps.

He wanted to reply with a witty remark, something about there still being room for improvement, but he found he couldn't resist her lips, couldn't help pulling her in for another long, passionate kiss, and then another. When he finally, reluctantly pulled back, she gave him a surprised look. "What's the matter?"

He shook his head. "Fiona, we can't. This has gone too far already."

Fiona snorted angrily. "Don't you think I'm old enough to decide for myself? I'm not a blushing virgin, Shepard. I know what I'm doing."

"Well, I don't!" It was his turn to get angry. "I have no idea what we are doing here, when we both know we have a few weeks at the most. This can only end in pain, and we will only make it worse if-"

"All right. I get what you're saying." There were tears in her eyes, and his chest contracted painfully at the sight of them, but he forced himself to stay aloof.

"Good." He turned and left before he could relent.

* * *

James was on his way to his room, Isabela in tow, when he saw Shepard come down the stairs, his face dark and broody. He felt a flash of worry and guilt. If he was honest, he'd been enjoying himself tremendously since they'd come here. And he had left all the troubles to Shepard. _A fine N7 recruit you are, Vega!_

"Hey, _loco_. What's up? You look like shit, if you don't mind me saying so."

Shepard didn't smile. "I don't want to talk about it James. I wouldn't mind getting drunk, though." He sounded angry and resigned at the same time.

James sighed. "Ah, I don't think they have any decent tequila in this place, or I would gladly join you."

"Don't worry, boys. I know where we can get what you need." Isabela smiled a wide, cat-like smile.

James made a face. "It's late, Boots. I'm not going all the way down to Lowtown now, just for that Krogan piss they sell at the Hanged Man."

Isabela's smile widened even further. "Not what I had in mind, big boy. Come on!" She motioned for them to follow her. "It's not far."

She was right. Only a few corners from Hawke's house she stopped in front of a huge, dilapidated mansion.

"Here we are." Taking a set of lock picks from her belt, she immediately got to work on the front door.

"Wait a minute." Shepard sounded nervous. "Are we breaking in? Not again! You people-"

"It's not what you think." With a final subtle twist of her hand, the lock gave and the door snapped open. Isabela made an inviting gesture. "Come in. But stay close behind me. There are traps all over the place."

"Damn it, Boots, where are we?" James' stomach twisted sharply as he looked around the deserted entrance hall. The house had obviously once been palatial, with marble floors and finely carved wooden panelling. But now it seemed abandoned, huge holes gaping in the roof, mould creeping up the walls. He was almost sure he could make out the remnants of some scattered human skeletons in the corners. "What kind of place is this?"

The pirate opened her mouth to speak, but at this moment, a deep voice rang out from the shadows on top of the grand stairway.

"Bela. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Fenris' lanky silhouette appeared behind the banister. "And I see you've brought guests."

Isabela beamed at the elf. "Fen. Our new friends are in need of a drink. Do you have any of the Aggregio left?"

The elf shrugged and nodded toward a broken door. Behind it steps leading into a cellar were just barely visible. "You know where to find it." He made an inviting gesture at the two men. "You'd better come upstairs."

While Isabela disappeared to get the wine, they followed Fenris into a room that was in slightly better shape than the rest of the house. Isabela returned, carrying four dusty bottles under her arms, and James began to look around for glasses. But when Fenris snorted and neatly opened a bottle for each of them with the help of his spiky gauntlets, he realized they wouldn't be needed. This was going to be serious drinking.

Shepard must have had the same thought. With a sigh, the Commander sat down on the edge of a table and raised his bottle in a brief salute. "Thank you, Fenris." He took a deep swig from the bottle, but then pulled back, eyebrows raised in surprise, staring at the label. "This is good!"

Fenris smiled sardonically. "A farewell present from my old master. It certainly does the job."

Shepard nodded. "You drink a lot then? Well, at least you seem to have the stomach for it."

Isabela laughed raucously. "He definitely does. I've never seen him too drunk to fight or fuck."

James swallowed at the implication, but managed to keep his face straight. "He may have met his master tonight. Not even a Krogan could match Shepard drink for drink."

An unexpected grin was spreading over the elf's face. "Is this a challenge, Commander?"

Shepard crossed his arms and tilted his chin upwards. "Why not? You up for it?"

Fenris leant back with a rusty chuckle, stretching like a large cat. "Always. But I should warn you, Commander. My markings give me an unfair advantage."

Shepard looked intrigued. "What are they? I've never seen anything like them."

Fenris' face closed up again. "Pure lyrium." His lips tightened. "Are you here to talk or to drink, Commander?"

Shepard's face mirrored the elf's. "You're right." Raising his bottle, he took another draught. "Drink it is, then."

The next few hours passed in a blur, and when James was finally staggering back to Hawke's house, supporting a comatose Shepard, he was too far gone to do anything but nod weakly when Isabela kissed him goodnight on the doorstep.

"Bye, big boy. I don't think you'd be up for our usual games tonight." She disappeared into the darkness, her white teeth flashing in an easy smile.

* * *

The Chantry court was quiet and shady at this time of the day, the morning sun just barely breaching the high walls. Ashley didn't know why she was here. Maybe to thank Sebastian, maybe to apologize. But when he answered her knock and she saw him standing there in the narrow frame of the cell door, she found she didn't know what to say. He hadn't put his armour on yet and was wearing only pants and a shirt.

"Ashley?" His voice, so deep and warm, sent shivers down her spine.

"Sebastian." She realized she was trembling. "I-"

He stepped aside with a courteous gesture. "Come in."

 _This is a bad idea._ Ashley knew she shouldn't be here. _I should leave him alone._ But she didn't stop, feeling as if an invisible force was dragging her into the room. As she stepped across the threshold, she heard the door fall shut. Sebastian sighed.

Ashley turned around, opening her mouth to speak, but the expression on his face made her fall silent. For a long moment they just stood there, both of them, staring at each other, their eyes saying more than they could ever put into words. The moment she took a small step forward, he did the same. Strong arms wrapped around her, and she was pulled close to his long, lean body. And then Sebastian was kissing her, kissing her with a passion she could never have imagined and would never forget, hard and hungry, plundering her mouth with a greed that made her toes curl. She heard herself make a noise she hardly recognized - was that a _whimper_? - and then she completely lost track of her surroundings. Nothing else existed but the heat of his mouth, the firmness of his hands on her waist, the musky, male scent of him surrounding her.

When he finally broke the kiss, he held her for a moment, pressing his forehead to hers. "Ashley..."

His voice was husky, and she could feel the tension in his body, ready to break, as taut as a bowstring. She held her breath, waiting, not daring to move. For a moment the delicate balance between them seemed to tilt, and his grip on her tightened.

"Why now?" She cursed herself the moment the words crossed her lips. _Way to break the mood, Williams._

He pulled back with a deep sigh and shook his head, clearly struggling to control himself. "I... didn't want you to kiss me just to buy my services. But that doesn't mean I-" He broke off.

Ashley rubbed her eyes. "God, I'm so stupid."

A quick gasp, almost a sob, and then he looked up and the expression in his blue eyes took her breath away. "You were so worried you couldn't tempt me. Maker, Ashley, if there was a chance, any chance at all-"

He turned his head away, biting his lip hard. Ashley cursed inwardly. What was she doing? She had no right to turn his whole world upside down when she would be gone in just a few weeks.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian." _I need to go, now, before we do something we'll both regret._ Without looking at him again, she turned and left.

"Me too." His whisper was almost too low to hear.

 


	11. The Real Thing

**The Real Thing**

Anders had been wildly enthusiastic when they returned with the Wand of Concentration and eager to examine it. Now he was proudly presenting it to Fiona, as if he himself had crafted the delicate silver rod and inserted the huge, pulsating crystal into its top.

"Look at this, Fiona. I checked and double-checked in all the texts, and I'm sure it's the real thing. Now all we need is the lyrium, and Varric told me the expedition to the Deep Roads is almost ready to go. As soon as we're back, we'll be ready to set up a portal."

Merrill was beaming with happiness. "I bet no one has ever successfully done this before. Portals into the Fade, yes, people do that all the time, but to a different plane? That's special."

Fiona smiled at their enthusiasm, but then she turned her head to the side, trying to hide her expression.

"What's the matter?" Anders' voice was gentle as he put a hand on her sleeve. "Aren't you happy we did it? You should be proud of yourself."

She took a deep breath, and when she exhaled, it was almost a sob. "I know, Anders. It's just-"

He nodded, a crooked smile on his face. "Part of you doesn't want us to succeed."

Fiona nodded reluctantly. "I guess you're right. What about you?"

Anders sighed and resumed his examination of the wand. "Me neither, I guess."

Merrill looked from one to the other, her eyes round with astonishment, but then understanding dawned on her features. She nodded, but didn't say a word. They finished their work in silence.

 

* * *

Fiona hadn't mentioned their kiss at all for the past two days. In fact, she had kept to her room most of the time, and Shepard hadn't been sure what to make of her reticence. It wasn't like her to give in so easily. He missed their evenings together, though, so when she asked him to come up to her room to show him a new map of Thedas, he did so with a spring in his step. She was just as sweet and funny as usual, and for over an hour they went over the map together, talking and laughing, as if nothing had happened.

Then she looked up from the desk, and their eyes met.

"Shepard..." Her voice was almost toneless, her expression sad and pleading. He balled his fists, trying to keep his distance, but it was useless.

"Shepard. Tom. Look at me." She was standing right in front of him, so close he could feel her warmth, breathe in her scent. "I know we have no future together. But why do you want to throw away the little bit we can have?"

He was still holding out, but then she closed the last bit of distance between them. "Please, Tom. What's the worst that can happen?" Her voice broke on a tiny sob. "It hurts already."

It was too much. And she was right, nothing could be more painful than pushing her away like this when his whole being was screaming for him to touch her, kiss her, make love to her. With a groan, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, hard and deep.

"If you want me to stop, tell me now." He hardly recognized his own voice, a dark growl, strangled with passion.

She threw her head back and laughed. "But I don't. I don't."

He couldn't resist that white throat, nipping at it, bending her back further so his lips could find the white swell of her breast exposed by her low-cut shirt.

"Fiona. Tell me you want me." He was trembling uncontrollably now.

"I want you, Tom. Now." Her voice was feverish. She led him over to her bed, her eyes never leaving his.

Her hands were all over his body, pushing off his shirt, then cupping him through the leather pants he wore. He was straining against the unyielding material, almost painfully, and his hands were struggling with the unfamiliar lacing. _What I wouldn't give for a pair of regulation_ _Alliance_ _pants now!_

"Let me." Laughing breathlessly, she reached for the knots and with a few swift moves freed his erection, drawing a sigh of relief from him. He looked down at her, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw her take hold of his cock, _kissing_ him, _damn it_ , an expression of pure bliss on her face as she rubbed her cheek against the velvety skin.

"Fiona." He pulled her up into a kiss, tugging impatiently at her clothes. He needed her naked, skin against skin, all of her. She helped him with the lacings, just as eager to feel him, both of them shaking with desire now. When his hand slid up her thigh, parting her legs, she arched up into his touch, practically begging him to touch her core, but he held back, lavishing some more attention on her breasts first. They were so beautiful, so perfect, white and perky, with coral-red nipples, and when he took one of them between his lips and suckled gently, she cried out sharply.

He could have gone on forever, entranced by her response, but she was impatient, grabbing his hand and guiding it between her legs, to the heat waiting for him there. He almost lost control at the feel of her, so silky soft, so warm, so wet for him, only for him.

"Tom, please!" Her voice was urgent now, and he moved between her legs, unable to resist her pleas any longer. She cried out again when he thrust inside her, harder than he'd meant to, still out of practice, but it didn't matter, because she met him eagerly, and it felt so sweet, so right, so incredibly perfect. Her hands were on the small of his back, trying to push him even deeper, as if he wasn't already filling her to the brim, his body flush against hers, not a hair's breadth between them.

He had to pull back a little in order to move, slow, careful thrusts at first, until he had found the perfect angle, the one that made her gasp at each move. She felt so good around him, and their rhythm was exactly right. Soon they were picking up speed, until he had to stop, struggling to hold back, because it was too good, too intense, and it had been far too long. Fiona clung to him, moaning softly, and he knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer.

Another thrust, and his biotics flared up. Fiona cried out in surprise at the blue glow racing all over his skin. He heard her laugh, a wild, reckless laugh, and then he felt the answering crackle of her magic, like an electric current through both their bodies, a flash of light, of pleasure, of sheer, ecstatic joy. Shepard was only dimly aware of the noises they both made, of her nails scratching deeply down his back, her body melting into his, but as he reached his peak he knew she was there with him, just as overwhelmed as he was.

When they finally recovered, he shifted only as far as he had to in order to free her from his weight, still holding her close, his face buried in her hair.

"Oh Maker!" Fiona's voice was faint. "I'm _tingling."_

Taking his hand, she placed it on her belly, just below her navel. "Feel."

"Fiona." He swallowed hard, unable to suppress the rush of feelings at the sight of her happy, sated expression. "I-"

"Shhhh." She rolled over on her stomach, trapping his hand under her and put a gentle finger to his lips. "It's all good. I love you, Tom."

His throat was too tight to speak, but he put it all into his kiss, hoping she would understand.

 

* * *

"Where have you been?" James tried to keep his voice casual as Isabela walked into his room with a cheery smile. He hadn't seen her since she had left them on Hawke's doorstep that night, and he had missed her more than he would have thought.

"Oh, here and there." Isabela smiled vaguely. "I went back to Fenris' place and spent the night there, and most of the next day, and then I was down at the docks to catch up with some old friends. After a while I got bored, though, and realized I've been missing your impressive... physique." She walked up to him and slung her arms around his broad neck, but James raised an eyebrow at her.

"So you slept with Fenris?"

"That a problem?" Her head tilted back in a curious angle, as if she expected him to challenge her and was getting ready for a fight.

He briefly considered, but then shook his head. "No, _mamacita_. Unless you've come back with a nasty surprise."

She pouted. "Unlikely. But don't worry. Anders can deal with anything of that kind."

James nodded. "Anything else is your own business. I don't own you."

"That's right. You don't." Despite her harsh words, her face softened and he felt her relax. She got up on tiptoes and kissed him. "Thanks for not making a scene."

He shrugged. "Why should I? You never made me any promises."

To his own surprise, he realized he was telling the truth. He wasn't mad at her. It was impossible to blame Isabela for being what she was. Especially with the way her hand was wandering up his thigh, going straight for her goal as usual.

"So, have you recovered from your hangover then, big boy?" Her voice was a deep, rich purr. "Because I have big plans for today."

 

* * *

Ashley was furious. Mostly she was angry at herself, for hurting Sebastian, for not putting a stop to their developing feelings earlier. But she was also frustrated with the slow progress of their attempts to go back. _Why does it all take so long? We can't afford this delay_. As usual, her anger took the form of a passionate attack on Shepard.

She had waited for him to appear on the landing outside Fiona's room, and as soon as he was there, she almost pounced on him. "Shepard, we need to talk. Vega and Cortez, they seem to think we're on some sort of extended shore leave. And you get more involved in Hawke's life with every day that passes. Even if Anders is telling the truth, even if he can get us back without losing time, what is going to happen once we go back?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but she wasn't finished and she needed him to listen. "Back home, people are dying, and you take a nice holiday from your responsibilities. And Hawke... What do you think you're doing, Shepard? Stop playing around with her or you'll only end up hurting her."

Shepard raised his head. "Damn it, Ash, do you think I don't know that? Do you think I planned any of this? I-"

He broke off and closed his eyes, but not before she had seen the raw pain in them. Understanding dawned on her. "You... Oh Shepard, I'm sorry." She put a hand on his sleeve. "It's the real thing, isn't it? You and her?"

He refused to look at her, but his hands clenched into fists. Ashley turned away with a sigh. "The universe has a wicked sense of humour."

 


	12. Letting Go

**Chapter 12 - Letting Go**

Sebastian was lying on his narrow cot, staring at the naked white wall, just about visible in the pale light of the morning, and reliving the kiss over and over again. _Ashley._ Her lips, so sweet and hot on his, her trim, taut body, pressed against his. His feelings, mirrored in her eyes, so full of pain and understanding.

Letting go of her had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He couldn't stop dreaming of her, though, and in his dreams he didn't stop, didn't let go.

_He hadn't forgotten how to make love to a beautiful woman, and now he worshipped every inch of her body as he laid it bare to his touch, his tongue and lips hot on her skin. She was moaning, writhing in his grasp, and when he finally had her naked, he kissed her again, hungry and demanding until she opened up for him, begging mutely for his touch. He spread her legs wide and tasted her, his tongue sliding deep between her folds, making her squirm, her hands grabbing fistfuls of linen in a futile attempt to control herself._

He was so hard now it was almost painful, and he could no longer keep his hands away, so he took hold of himself, his fingers firmly grabbing his shaft while he imagined sinking into her heat. His own hand was but a pale imitation, but he lost himself in his fantasy again.

_Her heat all around him, wet, warm walls surrounding him, so good, so tight... She was looking at him, her eyes open and trusting, and he couldn't take his eyes off her face as she came undone in his arms and he felt her clench around him._

His grip tightened, and he was thrusting fast into his own hand, unable to stop his hips from jerking up, again and again. When he came, spilling all over his stomach, muffling his cry in his pillow, he was shaking and trembling with the force of his release.

"Ashley... Oh Maker, forgive me."

His desire for her was almost overwhelming, yet in his heart he knew he would come to terms with it eventually. Though it had never been easy to control his body's urges, he had always succeeded in the end. But even if he did... This was far more than just lust, more than the wish to possess her. It went far deeper, even though it had only just begun. She was like him in so many ways, and she understood him on a level few people ever had, and no woman before her.

He knew he had to tear this burgeoning love from his heart to regain the serenity he'd struggled to achieve for so long, but it hurt, Andraste, it hurt _so much_. Tears were rolling down his cheek as he lay there and watched the sun go up, eyes unseeing, wishing things were different.

* * *

James finished his early morning exercises with a stretch, rolling his magnificent muscles voluptuously. When he heard Steve's amused snort at this blatant display, he turned to face his friend with a grin.

"Esteban. You're up early."

"So are you." Steve's smile was more than just a little teasing. "Surprisingly early, considering how long the beautiful Isabela kept you up last night. I hardly got any sleep the way the two of you were going on. I swear the woman is insatiable, Mr. Vega."

James shrugged, without the faintest trace of embarrassment. "She's a _tigresa._ " Ignoring Steve's pained grimace, he went on. "She likes my accent, you know. Says it reminds her of home."

Steve shook his head. "How is that even possible? Come to think of it - how is it possible they understand our language? You should think if we're really on another _plane of existence_ -"

"That's what you worry about? There's elves and dwarves, we've fought a dragon and your injuries have just disappeared, and you are worried about their language?" James wiggled his eyebrows expressively.

"You may have a point there," Steve conceded. "Ah, well. Never mind. Enjoy your lovely pirate. You're old enough to know what you're doing and young enough to cope with the strain."

James grinned. "Damn straight. No need to worry about _me,_ Esteban. Or about her. We both know this is just for fun. All I want is to enjoy it while it lasts. I guess neither of us is looking for something permanent right now." He stepped closer and put a large hand on Steve's shoulders, his expression suddenly serious. "But what about you and Anders? You know this can't last forever, right?"

Steve turned away, his face sombre. "I know. And I wish it was different. He... he's a good man, James. Full of love and compassion. Gentle. Kind."

James' grip tightened, making Steve flinch. "But what about this possession thing? Boots told me about it. A _spirit of justice._ Sounds pretty loco to me."

"I don't know, James, I really don't. I've caught a glimpse of it once or twice and it's unsettling. His eyes go all... strange and his voice-" Steve sighed deeply. "Sometimes I wonder what our staff psychologist back home would have to say about it... and yet, I'm sure Anders isn't mad. Unstable, maybe, but-" He broke off. "Maybe it's all for the best. Though I'm gonna miss him."

James let go of him, his smile back in place. "And I'm gonna miss Boots. Still, it will be good to be back home again, eh?"

"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched,Mr. Vega." Steve looked worried. "That expedition they're planning seems highly dangerous to me. I've no idea what _Deep Roads_ are, but it sure as hell doesn't sound good. I wish I could come along and help. I'm much better, you know. If I had a weapon... Then again, I'm used to staying behind."

"There's not a lot you could do to help, Esteban." James' gruff tone didn't succeed in hiding his genuine concern about his friend. "We'll be back safe and sound before you know it. Aren't we always?"

* * *

They assembled in the large dining room at Fiona's house, going over the details of the Deep Roads expedition one more time. Varric had outdone himself and put together a perfectly organized caravan in less time than should have been possible. Fiona smiled at his smug expression when everyone praised the thoroughness of his preparations. He had thought of everything. Food, fuel, bedrolls, tents, pickaxes, clothing, mules to carry the load, at least until they reached the Deep Roads entrance Bodahn had marked for them on Fiona's map. Sandal was bouncing with excitement, his round face shining with joy at the thought of travelling with his beloved Serah Hawke.

Only one thing remained to be decided.

"So who will go with you, Hawke?" Varric pointed to the lists of goods he had assembled. "I need to buy food for you lot before you set out."

Fiona nodded. She had spent several hours talking the topic through with Shepard the night before. The Deep Roads were a dangerous place, and she wanted to pick her companions with extra care. He had seen the necessity, of course, but he was still loath to leave some of his people behind.

"Shepard will come with us, of course," she said aloud, "and so will Anders. We need a healer, and we need Isabela, in case there are any locks to pick."

"I want to come too." Ashley sounded impatient. "There's no way I'll stay here and wait for you to return."

But Fiona shook her head. "I'm sorry, Ashley. But you are an archer, and bows and arrows are all but useless in the Deep Roads. You'd need a lot more training to be able to hit something in a winding tunnel in the dark."

Ignoring Ashley's muttered protests she went on. "James can come if he wants to. He's a strong fighter, and he's proven that against the dragon."

"You bet I want to." Vega stepped closer, one hand placed casually on Isabela's hip. "I'm in."

Varric nodded. "And who else? You're not taking Daisy, are you? You know elves don't do so well underground."

Before Fiona could answer, Fenris spoke up. "You have a rogue and three mages already." He nodded at Shepard who seemed amused to be counted among the mages. "What you need is more brawn. I'll join you."

Fiona bit her lip. What Varric had said about Merrill counted for Fenris just as well. Being down there in the tunnels for a longer stretch of time would be hard on him, even though he was considerably more resilient than any elf she'd ever known. Besides, he had been badly wounded when they fought the dragon.

"Are you sure? I can ask Aveline if you need more time to rest and recover."

Fenris snorted. "You know she can't neglect her guard duties for such a long time. And I am fine." He gave her one of his rare smiles, and Fiona felt Shepard tense next to her. "You need me. Or would you rather ask Carver?"

"You got me there." She made a face. "Alright. So we have you, James, Isabela, Anders, Shepard and me. And Sandal, of course." She smiled at the dwarf who happily beamed back. "That's seven people, Varric. Think you can do that?"

Varric smiled. "Please, Hawke. I could do this in my sleep. As long as you don't ask me to come with you. I'm not going down there if I can avoid it. Besides, I'm not ready to meet my ancestors yet, and that part of the Deep Roads has a bad reputation."

"What do you mean?" Fiona frowned. "Bodahn didn't mention-"

"Old wives' tales." Bodahn was looking distinctly miffed. "I don't believe in them, messere, and neither should you. Spiders, deepstalkers, maybe darkspawn if you're really unlucky. That's about all you should expect."

Fiona nodded. "We can deal with that." She lifted her chin belligerently. "Right. We'll set out the day after tomorrow. Be prepared, all of you."

* * *

When everyone else had filed out of the room, Ashley still arguing furiously with Shepard about being left behind, Fiona looked up to find Isabela looking at her.

The pirate winked at her, a teasing smile on her face. "So you finally did the deed. About time. I was beginning to be afraid the two of you would set the house on fire with your heated looks."

Fiona frowned. "How do you know? I tried to be discreet and-"

"I can always tell.”  Isabela smiled. “ And don't worry. It's doing you good! You look much more relaxed and happy. Now if only Sebastian would see reason."

Fiona shook her head. "But what's the point of all this, Bela? Once we have the lyrium, they will leave. And we will never see them again. Doesn't this bother you at all? You seem rather attached to James."

The pirate shrugged. "I don't get attached, I get horny."

When Fiona gave a disbelieving snort, she relented slightly. "Alright, fine. So I like him, the sex is fantastic, he makes me laugh. But nothing lasts forever, Hawke. I'll enjoy him to the full, while he's here, and then I'll move on. And if you're smart, you'll do the same with your Commander."

Fiona closed her eyes. "I'm not sure I can do that, Isabela. I'm not you. I don't know how-"

"Of course you can, Hawke." Isabela was merciless. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met, and you can do everything you need to do."

"But what about him?" Fiona paced the room in agitation. "What right do I have to do this to him? Bela, this is going to hurt him. And I... I love him."

The pirate's face turned uncharacteristically hard. "I know you do. Go ahead. Love him, enjoy every minute with him, fuck his brains out if you want to. And then let him go and get back to business. You both have a life to live, and he is just as strong as you are. Neither of you has to cling to the other for help."

Fiona's spine had straightened almost imperceptibly with every word Isabela had said. When she raised her head to look at the pirate, her lips had set into a straight line and her eyes were steely with determination.

"You're right. I can deal with it. And so can he." She nodded, as if to reaffirm her own words. "Thank you, Bela. I guess I needed that."

"That's my girl!" Isabela smiled warmly. "And now off you go. Make the most of tonight. I want to hear the two of you all the way downstairs."

"Dream on." Fiona snorted. But as she walked up the stairs to her room, she felt more confident than she had in a while. There would be pain. She could feel it already, tugging at her insides, hollow and sharp. _Pain I can deal with, though. I know pain._

She was Fiona Hawke. The Champion. _I can do anything I need to do._

 


	13. Waves

**Chapter 13 - Waves**

"How much further?" Shepard sighed inwardly as he looked at the dirt road stretching ahead. Not for the first time, he cursed the lack of proper transport in this world. They were nearing the end of their third day on the march and had finally reached the foothills of the mountain. Here, the path - calling it a road seemed preposterous - narrowed further and they couldn't walk more than two abreast, with the mules following them in single file.

Fenris shrugged. "Three more days, maybe four. Varric picked the Deep Roads entrance closest to Kirkwall, I believe."

Despite his bare feet, the elf seemed unaffected by the long hike, as did Fiona and her other companions. But Vega was visibly struggling, for all his training, and Shepard felt sore all over. Even as a farm boy on Mindoir, he had never walked so far. He decided to swallow his pride and ask Fiona to cast one of her spells as soon as they made camp.

Yet tonight of all nights, she delayed putting up the tents until long after nightfall, finding fault with all the potential campsites they passed. Not enough firewood, too exposed, too damp... Luckily there was a full moon, shining bright and clear above them. In fact, Shepard marvelled at how clearly he could make out their path. Inside the city, the nights were dark as pitch without any lights to show the way, and only few people ventured outside after dark. Here, the moon dominated the night sky, huge and almost yellow.

 _One moon, one sun._ Pretty much like Earth. He frowned and wished he knew more about the stars and constellations visible on Earth, but all he remembered was the night sky above Mindoir, and those memories were vague, pale and weak compared to the last horrific moments there he recalled.

When Fiona finally called a halt in a little clearing next to a rocky outcrop, he slumped to the ground, too exhausted to care about appearances any more. Fenris quickly set out to gather some firewood, while Sandal and Anders put up their tents with quiet efficiency. They were sleeping four to a tent. Fiona and Isabela shared the smaller one with Sandal and the mule driver, a dwarven girl named Haga, while Fenris, Vega, Anders and Shepard took the bigger one; a practical arrangement and one that kept them all warm at night. As soon as they reached the Deep Roads, they wouldn't need the tents any more, and the mule driver would wait for them in a nearby village with the animals.

"What's the matter with your feet, Shepard?" Anders' concerned voice tore him out of his thoughts.

He realized he had been wincing as he pulled off his boots. No wonder - his feet were blistered all over. Vega's probably didn't look much better, judging from his pained grimace as he walked over to them.

Anders shook his head. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Shepard sighed with relief as a cool wave of healing magic washed over his feet, then all over his body, loosening tense muscles and easing the pain in aching joints. All at once, he felt refreshed, ready to take on the world again. _There is definitely something to be said for this kind of magic._

Stretching like a large cat, he grinned up at the mage. "Stupid pride?"

The corners of Anders' expressive mouth twitched. "So it would seem."

Without bothering to ask, the mage repeated the procedure on Vega, who mumbled something unintelligible in response, but immediately perked up as well. Fenris had got a nice fire going in the meantime, and Isabela had reappeared from the shadows with a deerskin full of fresh spring water. They all gathered around the fire, wrapped up in woollen blankets against the evening chill.

Fiona sank down next to him, offering him a bowl of stew and a radiant smile. "Here. Try this. It doesn't taste half bad."

When they had finished their meal, they snuggled up close together. On the other side of the fire, Isabela and Vega were sharing a blanket as well. Fenris took first watch, taking up position on the promontory. Sandal snuck off to the tent straight away, and the dwarven girl followed him soon after, both of them yawning loudly.

When Anders raised his voice to sing a song in some incomprehensible language with a curious, lilting melody, Shepard almost jumped.

"What's the matter?" Fiona tilted her head up to see his face, her lips brushing softly along his throat.

He shook his head. "Nothing. I... I just realized this is the first music I heard since I came here. Anders singing."

She laughed softly. "Well, of course. None of us is a bard, so why would you hear music in my house?"

Shepard sighed, remembering the stereo system in the Citadel apartment. He hadn't even realized how much he missed listening to his favourite tunes. Still, Anders had a nice voice and the song was eerily beautiful.

When he finished, the mage got up with a tired smile. "Good night, everyone. Sleep well."

Shepard smiled, inhaling the scent of Fiona's hair and closing his eyes. She felt nice and warm next to him. He didn't want to go to sleep, didn't want to say goodnight yet. Maybe it was just the effect of the rejuvenation spell, but for some reason he wasn't tired at all. The fire had almost burnt down, and he could only dimly make out the silhouettes of Vega and Isabela on the other side. But the pirate was laughing softly, and it didn't take a genius to guess what was going on under that blanket. A stifled moan in Vega's voice confirmed his suspicions.

At his side, Fiona was shaking with suppressed laughter. He was about to call Vega out on behaving like a teenager when she took his hand and put a finger to her lips. Almost soundlessly, she got up and pulled him to his feet, leading him off into the forest.

 

* * *

Fiona was smiling to herself as she carefully picked a path among the underbrush. Shepard had seemed so disappointed when he'd realized they wouldn't have a tent to themselves. And if she was honest, she'd missed him too, missed the feel of his long, lean body against hers. Back in Kirkwall, before they'd left, he'd come to her bed every night, once the dam had broken, eager and hungry for her. He seemed starved for affection, for the touch of skin on skin, the warmth of a willing body.

But then, so was she. There had been no one since Fenris, and if it hadn't been for the occasional friendly hug from Anders or Isabela, she'd have gone mad with loneliness. It had been a long time since she had let anyone get so close to her, but Shepard understood her in ways no one else ever had. He knew exactly how heavy the burden of being a champion, being a hero, could get.

She led him to a small spot she had noticed in passing a little earlier, a mossy bank next to the spring where they had got their water. The ground was as soft as it would get out here, and the water was glistening in the moonlight with a soft silver sheen.

When she turned to face him, his eyes were fixed on her with such intensity that she swallowed hard. Without a word, she melted into his embrace. His kiss was feather light, a mere brushing of his lips against hers, but she felt it in every fibre of her being. _Oh Maker. He's in my blood. Part of me._

The forest around them was lost in darkness except for the single perfect spot of moonlight they were standing in. It was easy to imagine that this was all there was - just the two of them, two people meeting here in this magical place, their bodies wrapped tightly around each other as they shared a second, deeper kiss.

Shepard seemed to sense her mood and moved with exquisite slowness, careful not to disturb the soft, dreamy lassitude that had descended upon them. There was no urgency, no rush, and she couldn't have said when and how they found themselves naked on the soft bed of moss. His hands were so gentle on her skin, and yet his touch made her tremble deep inside, with more than just desire.

She wanted him, yes, but not just to satisfy her physical appetites. No, she needed him as close as possible, needed him to become one with her, body and soul. When he slid inside her, a wave of sheer emotion washed all over her, so intense she couldn't hold back her tears. He kissed them away without asking questions, his eyes full of love and tenderness.

"Fiona." Almost imperceptibly, his grip on her hips tightened and his movements became more purposeful.

"Tom." She held on to him, burying her face against his chest.

They were joined so tightly, their limbs entwined, their bodies flush against each other, lips parting only to snatch a quick breath between deep, ardent kisses. "Tom. You make me complete."

A shudder ran through his whole body at her words. She could see the blue glow of his biotics dance all over his skin, and she felt it all the way down to her core as he thrust inside her, harder now, so close to losing control. Fiona knew that if she let loose her magic now, they would both be overwhelmed by sheer lust, but something held her back.

This wasn't about lust, this wasn't about a perfect climax. This was so much more, and she needed to be aware, needed to feel every single, delicious, wonderful and painful moment of it. The tension was building up inside her, irresistible, irrevocable, inevitable. With every tightening of his muscles, every gasped breath, he took her higher and higher, never letting go of her lips, never closing his eyes.

She screamed in the end, when it became too much, when the wave finally crested and washed over both of them, sweeping all conscious thought away, leaving them naked and shivering and clinging tight to each other. They didn't speak afterwards, just got dressed quietly and made their way back to the camp in silence, parting in front of the tents with one last, fervent kiss.

 

* * *

When Fiona climbed up to the promontory to relieve Fenris of his guard duties, he was already waiting for her, his face grim.

"That was a reckless thing to do." His voice was vibrating with unspoken feelings. "What is the point of me keeping watch if you just sneak off into the darkness like this?"

So he'd noticed. Well, it was his job to do so.

Fiona shook her head. "Relax, Fenris. We were perfectly safe. And anyway, are you sure it's my safety you are concerned about?"

If possible, his features became even more forbidding. "What else would it be? Anything else is no concern of mine."

She sighed. Someone else might have taken his words at face value, but she knew him better, knew how to read the small signs that told her he was hurt. Had she given up too easily, back then? She'd told herself she was respecting his choice, but maybe she had been afraid as well, too cowardly to work this through with him. Still, at the end of the day he had no right to interfere in her affairs. She knew only too well he was sleeping with Isabela occasionally. Whatever had been between them, whatever could have been, it was well and truly over.

"Get some rest, Fen." She settled in the spot he had vacated, her back to the rock and looked up at him, but he had turned away already.

"Good night, Hawke."

 

* * *

 The patter of raindrops on the tent plane above him woke James early in the morning. When he turned and tried to sit up, he accidentally touched the soaked leather, setting off a spray of cool water that hit him right in the face. He cursed and shook himself like a wet dog. Fenris and Anders seemed to be already up, but Shepard grunted in his sleep next to him, then opened a bleary eye.

"Damn. Is it morning already?"

"Oh, yeah." He grinned affectionately at the Commander. "Wild night, _loco_?"

"None of your business, lieutenant." Despite pulling rank, Shepard didn't sound angry, just wistful.

 _Must be true love, I guess_. Suddenly he didn't feel like teasing any more. _Man, I wouldn't want to be in Shepard's shoes._

"Commander?" It was an impulse, nothing he'd thought through. "Is this going to work? Will we make it back home?"

For a second, a host of emotions were warring on Shepard's face. Fear, pain, hope, sorrow.

Then his face took on its familiar cool determination. "Of course we will, LT. You know I've got this covered. And you'll be fine once you have something to fight."

"Hell, yeah." James sighed. "Let's go find trouble."

 


	14. In Too Deep

**Chapter 14 - In Too Deep**

It took them another three days to reach the point marked on their map, and when they got to the place, a grassy hillside spotted with boulders, no entry was in sight. They spent the better part of the afternoon searching. It was Sandal who finally noticed the narrow rocky cleft hidden behind one of the larger rocks.

Vega hardly managed to squeeze through the tight gap, but once they were inside, it opened into a somewhat large cave. A low-ceilinged tunnel at the far end took them down into a second cave. The rocky floor was covered in green, murky water, and Fiona eyed the surface with a fair amount of distrust, but they crossed it without suffering anything worse than damp feet. Behind the greenish puddle, a crack in the cave wall led to a dry spacious tunnel which they followed downwards for several hours.

Almost imperceptibly, the walls straightened and the floor became more level. Finally they reached an arched gateway bearing obvious signs of dwarven stonework - the entrance to the Deep Roads proper. Fiona shivered. The high, vaulted ceilings, the lava channels on both sides of the road, the columns and markers, took her right back to their ill-fated expedition, several years ago. _This is different. All we need to do is pick up the lyrium. We'll be back before we know it._ Yet her throat tightened at the thought of going deeper down.

* * *

Shepard shook his head in disbelief. This shouldn't be so hard. After all, if there were one thing he was used to, it was living without sunlight, dealing with different environments. Being down here was hardly worse than exploring a new planet in a spacesuit or spending weeks on board ships without any shore leave. And yet, it was a struggle. He could almost feel the weight of the mountain above them, and he caught himself wishing desperately for a proper electric torch. The magelight Fiona had conjured up was bright enough, but it left an irritating tingle on his skin whenever he got too close. And the primitive torches Fenris and Sandal preferred gave hardly any light at all.

But there was something else about these tunnels, some sort of presence, dark and forbidding. Anders had assured them he would have felt any approaching darkspawn, and so far he had shaken his head whenever Fiona threw him a questioning glance. Shepard was glad. He had heard the others' descriptions of those monsters and had no desire to meet them face to face. Husks were bad enough. But even so, something was off down here.

He wasn't the only one who felt it. Fiona even snapped at Sandal when they first made camp, though she immediately relented at the sight of his round, unhappy face.

"I'm sorry, Sandal. I'm just-"

Shepard put a calming hand on her arm and she relaxed a little. He just barely resisted the urge to pull her close and hide his face in her hair. If the two of them started to show any weakness, the others would soon follow. Fiona must have read the thought in his eyes, for she straightened up immediately and became her usual focussed self.

It wasn't until the cave was almost completely dark that she extended her hand to take his, holding it tightly until they fell asleep.

When they had all rested, they continued further down, though there was no way of telling if it was morning or night. The Deep Roads were still eerily empty of life, not even a single creature in sight. Several hours later, they reached a crossroads. After Fiona had briefly consulted with Sandal, they turned to the left and came to a winding staircase leading to a deeper level. It was warmer down here, the air dry and dusty.

The dwarf seemed to know instinctively where to go. Yet even he was momentarily lost when, after a few hundred paces, their way was blocked by rubble.

Fiona sighed. "It's no use. We'll have to check the walls for side tunnels."

They had to backtrack for a bit until they found a tunnel entrance, little more than a crack in the ancient stone walls. It led into a winding passage, too narrow for more than two people to walk side by side. When they rounded a corner, Fiona who had taken the lead, hissed in disgust as a long strand of something soft and dusty wafted down from above. At the same time, they heard a tiny, rustling noise.

"Spiders! Maker, but I hate spiders." Fiona shook herself.

Shepard was surprised. He hadn't expected Fiona to be so delicate. But just then, the first spider appeared round a bend in the tunnel and he quickly revised his opinion. The thing was _huge_! Huge and hairy and incredibly fast.

Fiona raised her staff in a defensive gesture and muttered something under her breath. He was relieved to see the creature stop in his tracks, but his relief turned into apprehension, when the rustling noise got louder and two more spiders appeared. _No, make that three. Or four?_ A firm hand pushed him aside, and a gleaming blue shadow slid past him. _Fenris_. The elf took up position in front of them, quickly joined by Vega, while Isabela somehow vanished right before his eyes to turn up behind the beasts, daggers at the ready. Fiona and Anders were casting, icy sheets spreading from their hands. Remembering the trick she had shown him when they first met, he aimed a biotic blast at one of the frozen spiders, whooping with joy when it burst into small pieces.

When the last spider died, hacked almost in half by a blow from Fenris' greatsword, Shepard cursed under his breath and counted. Nine spiders, all in all, ugly beasts with long mandibles and tiny, obsidian eyes. Anders knelt down next to one of the carcasses and pulled a vial from his backpack.

He shook his head in disgust. "What are you doing?"

"Spider venom," Anders explained tersely. "It's a valuable ingredient for many common poisons, and we shouldn't let it go to waste."

There was a squelching noise, and Shepard felt his stomach lurch, grateful he couldn't see exactly what the mage was doing. Anders got up with a satisfied smirk and moved on to the next carcass.

Vega shook himself. "Holy hell, this is disgusting. And here I thought Rachni pods were bad."

"If you can't take it, maybe you shouldn't have come along," Fenris' voice rang out with a cutting edge.

What's that supposed to mean?” Vega's face grew red. "Do you want me to show you exactly how much I-"

"Enough, Lieutenant," Shepard barked. "We're a team, Vega! We're in this together, do you understand me?"

Vega snapped to attention, but his expression was still sulky. "Yes, sir."

The atmosphere was thick with unspoken emotion, like a biotic charge building up towards its violent release. Shepard sighed. _Cool down, boys. This is hard enough without your posturing._

* * *

James had volunteered for guard duty, eager to show Shepard he was part of the team. But as he was standing in the dark, tepid tunnel, keeping an ear out for the tiny scrabbling noises in the darkness that would herald another spider attack, he quickly got bored. Back home he could have just set up some sort of perimeter alarm and gone to sleep, instead of standing here all alone.

He had almost dozed off for the second time when a sudden noise right in front of him made him jump. He reached for his cutlass, but then he heard a low, familiar chuckle.

"Boots! What are you doing here?" Relief mixed with irritation, and he grabbed her arms harder than he'd meant to.

"Too horny to sleep." Isabela's skin was warm and silky soft under his touch as she got up on her toes to kiss him. "I tried to do something about it, but it's just not the same without you."

His breathing quickened as her meaning sank in, and when she took hold of him through his pants, it only took a few practiced rubs and twists to coax him to full hardness. "Damn it, Boots, I need to be alert here. Shepard and Hawke will have my head if I-"

"Relax.” She shrugged. “You weren't particularly alert right now. Come on. This won't take long."

Without further ado, she switched places with him so that she was leaning against the rough stone wall now, and firmly guided his hand between her legs. "Please, big boy. I need you."

James quickly pushed her panties aside and inhaled sharply. " _Dios_ , woman, you're soaked already."

"Told you it wouldn't take long." Her voice was rough and hoarse with need as she unlaced his pants, giving him another two long, confident strokes.

Isabela lifted one leg up to his hips, bracing herself against him and opening herself up, and he pushed inside her without further ado. She bit his shoulder to suppress her moan and arched up to meet his thrust. It was a rough and frenzied coupling, without any tenderness or refinement, no romance or subtlety. Just what he needed right now, just what _she_ needed too, judging from the way she clung to his shoulders, her nails digging deeply into his skin.

It really didn't take long. Soon enough she was shuddering convulsively in his arms, and he grabbed her even more tightly, pounding hard and fast inside her until he came with a muffled curse - and froze immediately as he felt the thin blade of a dagger against his throat.

"Is that how they keep watch in your world?" The deep voice dripped with sarcasm, and James nearly slumped with relief. _Fenris._ He was about to answer when he realized the dagger was still there.

A strong hand took hold of his left wrist and twisted his arm painfully behind his back. _Shit! He is a lot stronger than he looks!_ James had seen Fenris swing that huge greatsword of his in battle more than once, but it was another thing to actually feel the power in those slim gauntleted hands. This _hurt_ , and no matter how he tried, he couldn't shake off the elf's grasp, not without slicing his own throat in the process.

"Fenris." Isabela sounded almost amused. "You've made your point, don't you think?"

James breathed in carefully. "She's right, man. Calm down."

There was a long pause, and James closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer to whatever deity was listening. Then his arm was twisted sharply again and he found himself pressed to the wall next to Isabela. He hurriedly reached for the laces of his pants, glaring angrily at Fenris.

But the elf ignored him, his attention focussed completely on Isabela now. She had made no move to cover herself, just stood there, half-naked and exposed, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly.

"What now, Fen? Do you want to have a go at fucking me as well?" James gasped at her deliberate crudeness, and the elf swallowed hard.

"I don't-" He broke off. "Listen, Bela, you do what you please, but if he neglects his guard duties again-"

"I won't." James hardly recognized his own voice, rough and strangled. "Like she said, you've made your point."

"Good." Fenris stepped back with a sneer. "Maker, I shall be glad once you're all gone." He disappeared into the dark tunnel.

* * *

Isabela made her way back to their makeshift camp in silence, wondering what had got into Fenris. It wasn't like him to be jealous. Her eyes fell on Fiona, who had set up her bedroll right next to Shepard's and had cuddled up close to him in her sleep, her head on his arm, a blissful smile on her face. _There you have your answer._ She sighed. No wonder Fenris was tense. Even if his fling with Hawke had long been over, this had to be painful for him, a reminder of what could have been, if he hadn't messed it up.

The elf was curled up on his own bedroll, his back to her, pretending to be asleep, and for a moment Isabela contemplated going over to him, taking him in her arms and giving him peace the only way she knew how to. But then she shook her head and stretched out on the stony floor. That was his own battle. _He needs to get over her, once and for all._ And afterwards, she would make sure he knew she was there for him.

* * *

Steve found Ashley in the courtyard, petting Fiona's big, slobbering monster of a dog. She had been restless ever since the others had left, but her mood had improved a little since Avvar had attached himself to her heels, whining softly each night when she shoved him out of her room.

"How are you doing?" He sat down next to her on a sun-warmed stone bench.

"How do you think?" She didn't look at him, just scratched the dog's belly. "They've been gone for more than a week."

"Hawke said it would take a while," he reminded her.

"Hawke!" Ashley snorted. "You all seem to believe every word the woman says."

"And why shouldn't we?" Steve sighed. "She's given us no reason to distrust her."

Ashley shrugged. "You miss him?"

The abrupt change of topic almost threw him, but then he nodded. "I do. Though, to tell the truth..."

She raised a questioning eyebrow, but waited patiently.

"I don't know." Steve rubbed his neck. "Maybe... I really don't know where this is going. I think I'm in over my head here, to be honest."

"Aren't we all?" Ashley's face softened.

As if on cue, Sebastian's warm, rich voice sounded from the house's back entrance. "Any news from them yet?"

 


	15. Revelations

**Chapter 15 - Revelations**

They should have known better than to walk straight into the middle of the cave without checking the corners first, but after nearly a full day without attacks, Fiona had become overconfident. The pack of deep stalkers took them completely by surprise, and for a moment it was touch and go.

The deep stalker leader tore at Vega's leg braces, spitting venomous mucus at him and missing his face only narrowly. The young man rallied quickly, but he was momentarily incapacitated by the creature's poison. When Shepard saw him sway on his feet, he sprang into action without hesitation. His biotics lit up brighter than she'd ever seen them, eliciting a collective gasp of surprise from Fenris and Anders. Shepard ignored them, moving toward Vega at incredible speed, phasing through the stalkers between them as if they weren't there and batting away the stalker leader like an irritating insect.

Anders took over with a few well-placed freezing spells, while Shepard supported Vega. Fiona managed to tear her eyes away from them and send the second wave of attackers into a brief magical sleep, buying them enough time to regroup. Fenris wasted no time and took the remaining stalkers out one by one with quick, economic movements.

When it was over, Anders sat down on a boulder to catch his breath, but on seeing the small gash on Fiona's leg he immediately reached for a lyrium potion, downing it in one big gulp. He was at her side in an instant, and the familiar wave of healing magic washed over her.

Fiona frowned. There were deep circles under his eyes, and his hands were shaking.

"You need to cut back on the lyrium, Anders. I could have used a poultice or dealt with this myself."

"Please, Hawke. We all know what happened the last time you tried an advanced healing spell." His tone was mocking, but he avoided her eyes. "I'm fine."

"I'm serious. You need to take better care of yourself." She took his hand and forced him to look at her. "We need you. Steve needs you."

He laughed lightly, but his eyes were full of pain. "Well, that remains to be seen. Anyway...." He withdrew his hand, gently but firmly, and walked over to inspect Vega's legs. "You said you needed a healer for this mission."

"At least that is one thing you mages are good for," Fenris muttered next to her. "It must be nice to do some good for a change."

Fiona couldn't believe her ears. It had been a long time since Fenris had said anything so blatantly unfair in her presence. She opened her mouth to protest, but before she could say a word, Anders had twisted around, his eyes glowing blue.

" ** _Quiet, elf. What do you know about being a mage?"_**

Fenris didn't flinch. "I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of their magic, _demon._ "

He raised his sword. Blue cracks appeared along Anders' skin, and the air was so charged with tension that Shepard's biotics flared to life. Fiona felt a headache clawing at her temples. It was hard to move through the crackling waves of energy surrounding them, almost as if she was walking through water or fighting against a slowing spell.

"Enough!" With an effort, she stepped between Fenris and Justice, shielding the spirit with her body.

Fenris scowled when he realized what she was doing, but he lowered his sword, and she turned to face the mage. "Justice!"

There was a final blue flash, then Anders' eyes returned to their normal golden brown, and he slumped to the ground with a groan.

"Shit. What-" Vega had grown pale, but Shepard quickly silenced him with a gesture.

Sandal, who had watched the whole scene with round-eyed fascination, seemed to lose interest now that it was over and turned to the runes in his backpack.

"We'll take a break." Fiona could hardly trust her voice. "Get rid of the stalkers and make a fire."

She walked over to Shepard and briefly grasped his hand. Clearly, this mission would be a challenge in more ways than one.

 

 

* * *

The tunnels seemed to go on forever, narrow and winding. It took them several hours to get back to the road, through another crack in the tunnel wall. Sandal walked up and down a few paces, almost sniffing the air, before he pointed decisively in one direction. Fiona nodded and signalled to the others to follow him.

Shepard shook his head. He had long since lost all sense of orientation. There were signs carved on the roadside markers, but none of them could read them. Without Sandal, they'd be well and truly lost. But now they were making quick progress along the ancient road, without any interruptions. After a while, the road widened further and the air became a little less stale. Rounding a corner, they came face to face with a massive iron gate, wedged open by a fallen headstone.

They squeezed through the gateway, one by one. When the last one of them had passed the door, Fiona raised her staff. The tiny magelight at its tip grew and glowed brighter and brighter. Its light revealed a sight Shepard wouldn't have expected in his wildest dreams.

A city. Abandoned and in ruins, but still without doubt a city, complete with shop fronts, living quarters, squares and streets. An affluent, well-organized place, by the looks of it, before it had been deserted.

"An ancient thaig." Fiona's voice sounded awed. "And a big one, by the looks of it."

Anders nodded. "It seems to have been abandoned a long time ago, during one of the earlier blights. The dwarves must have given it up as the darkspawn advanced. Let's explore for a bit, shall we?"

They wandered through the empty streets in silence, up and down stairs, past gaping black window holes and crumbling facades, until they reached a vast, empty square. It was dominated by a majestic building on one end and a large, partially rusted bronze gong on the other.

Anders stepped up to the gong and tried to lift the mallet lying next to it on the ground. "I wonder what they needed this for. Maybe to give the alarm when they were attacked?"

"Or just to call them all together for assemblies and the like." Isabela followed him. "Better leave it alone. You don't want to wake anything."

Fenris had stopped to stare at a curious contraption right next to the gong at the edge of the square. A kind of pedestal, holding a pair of shackles, nothing else.

Fiona was at his side, giving him a worried look. "Are you alright, Fen?"

The elf nodded, but it seemed an effort for him to tear his eyes away from the pillory. "I'm fine."

That night, when they made camp in the ruins of an ancient dwarven mansion, he sat at a little distance from the others, staring into space. It wasn't difficult to guess what was troubling him. Shepard watched him for a while, then he took a deep breath and walked over.

"Fenris." He didn't touch the elf, but sat down close to him. "Fiona told me you were a slave."

"What would you know about slavery?" Fenris sounded bitter. "Do they even have slaves in your world?"

"They do. It seems to be a pretty universal practice." Ignoring the elf's contemptuous sneer, Shepard went on. "I don't claim to understand what you've been through, Fenris, but when I was a boy of sixteen, my home was attacked by slavers. They took everyone they could and killed the rest." He swallowed.

Fenris sat up a little and watched him with interest now. "Yet you escaped."

Shepard nodded. "I did. But my friends, my parents, my sisters, they didn't. The Batarians killed them all, and they were the lucky ones. The ones they took... They put something into their heads, implants, which made them do their masters' bidding."

He had Fenris' undivided attention now, but he found himself uncertain how to proceed. Memories were flooding his brain. The raid on Mindoir, when he had been little more than a helpless child, his feelings when the alliance patrol had picked him up and saved him, relief, sorrow, and above all guilt.

Years later he had met a young slave girl from Mindoir on the Citadel. She had been too confused to talk coherently, but the glimpses he'd got about her life as a slave, the abuse, the cruelty, and the strange, unhealthy bond that had tied her to her masters, had made him grateful his family had all died. Far better to be dead than to live like this.

He wondered whether Fenris had been mistreated in a similar manner, wondered whether he had felt the same sick attachment to his master, but he didn't dare ask.

The elf was waiting patiently for him to continue, but when he shook his head, lost for words, Fenris fixed him with his clear green eyes. "You are a powerful mage now. I _saw_ you move right through those stalkers today, Shepard. I know of no one in this world who has powers like this." _Except myself._ Shepard could almost hear the unspoken words and smiled to himself, but Fenris' intense focus didn't waver. "Did you ever get back at those people for what they did to you?"

He shrugged. "There was no way to track down the culprits. But much later, I had a chance to help a bunch of colonists fight off an attack by slavers." _Elysium. The Skyllian Blitz._ None of this would mean a thing to Fenris. He didn't know about Commander Shepard, war hero. No matter. "They survived. They were safe, all of them. It meant a lot."

Fenris nodded. "That is better than vengeance. Killing Hadriana, killing Danarius, those deaths did not bring me peace. Revenge tastes like ashes, Commander. You were wise not to go down that path."

The elf rose with a lithe, fluid movement and nodded at Shepard. "I may have... misjudged you, Commander. I apologize. Know I will have your back, whatever we have to face down here."

"Thank you, Fenris." Shepard extended a hand and Fenris took it, after a brief moment of hesitation. "I'm honoured by your trust."

 

 

* * *

As Sebastian advanced across the courtyard, a friendly smile on his face, Ashley tensed. She had avoided his company ever since that kiss, figuring it would only make things harder on both of them if they kept seeing each other. But she had missed him. His eyes, his smile, his voice. _Oh God, his voice!_

"Any news from Hawke and the others?" he repeated, and she felt every single syllable deep inside her belly, warm and tingling.

Steve shook his head. "Nothing. But I guess it's early days yet."

Sebastian nodded and sat down next to them, absent-mindedly scratching the Mabari's broad neck. "Still, I can't help but worry a bit. The legends Varric mentioned-"

"Shepard will be fine. He's survived worse." Ashley flinched when she realized how aggressive she sounded.

"Of course." Sebastian bit his lip. "I just..." He drifted off, staring at the ground between his feet.

Steve looked from Ashley to Sebastian with a frown. "I'd better go. You two look as if you could use some privacy."

"You don't have to-" Ashley looked up and cursed when she saw he was already on his way into the house.

"Ashley." Sebastian had raised his head and was facing her, an intense look on his face. "He's right. We should talk."

She sighed. "Why? There's nothing more to be said, is there?"

He reached out and took her hand, pressing it to his lips. "Oh, but there is."

She felt his mouth burning hot on her skin and had to avert her face. But he ignored her and just kept talking.

"Before you came here, I was at peace. Sure, I had some regrets, and I was still struggling to come to terms with my family's fate. But I was certain I had found my place. I had but to follow the guiding light of the Maker. And now..."

His other hand took hold of her chin, turning her to face him. "I've tried to ignore it, but I can't stop thinking about you, Ashley. I keep praying to the Maker to show me a way for us to be together. Please believe me when I tell you you've touched my heart like no one ever has before."

She swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. _Damn it._ Lieutenant-Commander Williams didn't cry. And certainly not for love. Ashley shook herself angrily.

"It's no use, Sebastian. No matter what you feel, what _I_ feel, you have your vows, and I need to go back to my own life. This here..." She indicated the courtyard with a wave of her hand. "This is nothing but a distraction for me, nothing but a dream!"

She could see the hurt in his eyes as he let go of her hand. "A dream." He bit his lip again, hard enough to draw blood this time. "I wish I could make this dream last forever. I don't want to wake up to a world without you."

Before she could reply, he had already turned and left.

 


	16. The Right Choice

**Chapter 16 - The Right Choice**

Ashley was leaning dangerously far out over the stone balustrade of the balcony, stretching her neck to catch a glimpse of the neighbouring garden. "I wonder what's going on over there."

The grounds of the estate right next to Hawke's were brightly lit with dozens of gaudy paper lanterns. Snatches of melody were drifting up, sweet, melodious tunes with a catching rhythm that made her feet itch.

"Careful!" There were faint lines of amusement around Sebastian's eyes. "I can assure you it's not worth dying for."

Ashley blushed briefly. She was glad he had shown up again tonight. More than once in the past two days, she had regretted her harsh words, much as she usually prided herself on her toughness. Sebastian simply didn't deserve to be treated unkindly. Fortunately he had come back, just as polite, just as courteous as ever. She had been glad for his company, and they had talked and joked all night. He was careful not to get too close, though, no doubt mindful of her earlier rejection.

"So you know what this is all about?" She tilted her head towards the commotion.

"Lady Ravenscroft is hosting a ball in honour of her daughter's seventeenth birthday." His answer was prompt, and Ashley raised a surprised eyebrow.

"I was invited as one of the candidates deemed suitable for her hand, but of course, I declined. She seemed disappointed. Apparently the girl had high hopes for being able to style herself Princess of Starkhaven." Sebastian's voice was dry.

"You know, I still can't wrap my head around the idea that you are an actual prince." Ashley laughed softly to herself. "My father used to read fairy tales to me when I was a child. Handsome dashing princes rescuing beautiful princesses from the clutches of evil witches or tyrants, that sort of thing."

He shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed, but then raised his eyes, a sudden gleam appearing in their depths. "I'd be happy to do any rescuing, but honestly, I can't see you as a helpless damsel in distress." His gaze travelled hotly over her body, yet he kept his distance. "You seem perfectly able to look after yourself."

Ashley snorted. "You bet I am. Doesn't mean I can't be a girl with girly dreams sometimes. What do your vows say about dancing, Sebastian?"

He inhaled sharply. "Nothing. But are you sure-"

"Why not?" She kept her voice light. "I haven't had a chance to show off my dance moves in years."

His laughter was soft and warm, the most delightful sound she'd ever heard. "I doubt you're familiar with any of the dances I learnt as a boy, though."

She shrugged. "You'll have to teach me."

 

 

* * *

Fiona pulled her dagger out of the spider's huge, hairy carcass with a moue of disgust. She hated spiders at the best of times, and this section of the Deep Roads was crawling with them.

They had crossed pretty much the whole thaig, from the noble estates down to what looked like slums and miners' quarters, and then had entered the tunnels again. There was no need to worry about cave-ins or lack of fresh air here - this was an old dwarven mine with solid supportive beams and cunningly designed ventilation shafts. The spiders were a different story, however. It wasn't just the sheer number of them that worried her. The further down they got, the tougher the fights seemed to become. If she wasn't very much mistaken, the spiders were hardier than their fellows near the surface, their venom more aggressive, their mandibles bigger. And...

"Fiona! Look at this." Anders motioned for her to look at the last spider Fenris had slain.

It had given the elf a lot of trouble, she recalled, scuttling away impossibly fast, something odd about its movements, but in the thick of the fight she hadn't been able to put her finger on it. Now Anders' magelight flared up brightly, and she nearly cried out at what she saw. Sixteen legs, instead of the usual eight. No wonder it had been so fast.

She felt a shiver run down their spine. "What is this, Anders? I've never seen-"

"Me neither." The mage's jaw was tense. "I don't know, Hawke. Maybe those tales Varric mentioned weren't completely unfounded after all."

Fiona swallowed, grateful for Shepard's supportive hand on her arm.

His voice was quiet and unobtrusive. "We have no choice, Fiona. If we want the conjurer's blood, we have to press on."

"I just have a bad feeling about this." She chewed her lip.

Anders snorted. "And when has that ever stopped us?"

"Hawke. A word." Fiona whirled around to find herself face to face with Fenris.

She sighed and nodded, leading him a little way down the path, out of earshot of the others. "What is it, Fen?"

His eyes were focussed intensely on her face. "You are too willing to involve yourself in the affairs of others, Hawke. Each time you put yourself at risk."

"Without risk, there's no reward, Fen. Come on!" She flashed him a quick grin, trying to lighten the mood, but he remained serious.

"Hawke. Fiona. You said you have a bad feeling, and I agree. And you know better than to ignore what your instincts tell you." He reached out tentatively to take her hand, something he hadn't done in years.

"Shepard needs our help. We can't let him down now." Fiona was growing impatient.

"Fiona. Something very dangerous is waiting for us down there, I'm sure of it." Fenris' grip on her hand tightened, making her flinch.

"What do you want me to do? Give up and go back?" She raised her chin defiantly, withdrawing her hand. "I appreciate your concern. But I know what I'm doing."

He looked down with a resigned sigh. "I guess it's not my place to worry about you. Not any more." Shaking himself, as if to chase away the thought, he met her eyes. "You know I'll follow you, no matter what."

Her face softened. "I know. Thanks, Fen." She turned back to the others, her usual optimistic smile back on her face.

"What now, Hawke?" Isabela cocked her head. "Do we run home while we still can or do we go on and kick some puppies?"

Fiona shook herself like a wet mabari. "We promised Shepard we'd help him. I don't see how we have a choice." She threw a pleading gaze at Sandal. "How far, Sandal? Not much further, I hope?"

The dwarf smiled and nodded vigorously, his round eyes shining with excitement. Without wasting a look on the dead spider, he turned to leave, motioning for them to follow him.

 

 

* * *

Ashley snuggled up closer to Sebastian, her head resting against his shoulder, her body cradled in his arms, breathing in his scent as he rocked her slowly. The first two dances had been lively and quick, and she had struggled to keep up with his nimble feet, laughing at her own clumsiness. When the music had changed to a slower tune, he had pulled her close, his body firm and warm against hers, and she had lost herself in the dance. It felt so incredibly right, being so close to him, so comfortable and secure, just like home.

Then he shifted and his lips brushed against hers, and the cosiness gave way to a sudden rush of excitement, an electric tingle running all over her body, making her gasp and shiver.

His hands found their way to her ponytail and loosened it so her hair flowed freely around her shoulders and he could run his fingers through the dark strands.

"Ashley. We should-" His voice sounded strained, but he made no move to get away from her.

"Shhhh." She put a trembling finger on his lips. "Shut up and kiss me."

His hands tightened in her hair and he pulled her in, his lips meeting hers with such intensity that she instinctively arched into his arms, kissing him back just as hungrily. God, he was such an amazing kisser! Firm lips, nipping at hers, his tongue teasing her by almost withdrawing before he renewed his attack with full force, claiming her mouth furiously, making her all his, no barriers left.

His grip around her waist became almost painful, and he held her so close she could feel him hard against her stomach. There was no way she could resist him, no way she could deny the flame building inside her.

With a visible effort, he broke the kiss and pushed her back, panting heavily. "Ashley, no! It wouldn't be right."

She almost screamed at him there and then, until she saw the pain in his eyes and came to her senses. "Sebastian. I... I'd better go."

He didn't follow her when she turned away and walked inside. Looking back from the doorway, she could see his silhouette against the brightly lit night sky, his body tense from the fierce struggle against his desire to be with her. Once more she felt tears welling up in her eyes. Ashley balled her hands into fists, so tight her nails dug deeply into her palms. _It wouldn't be right. We both know it._

Never before had she found it so hard to make the right choice.

 

 

* * *

They followed the ancient mining tunnels for what seemed like miles until they reached a vertical shaft, accessible with the help of metal rungs driven into the rocky walls. Sandal headed downwards with single-minded determination, and they quickly followed him, climbing down in single file. At the bottom of the shaft, another tunnel led them to a large natural cave.

Near one of the side walls, Shepard could make out an eerie, bluish-green haze hovering of a series of large puddles filled with a sluggish liquid. The colour was familiar - just like the lyrium veins Fiona had shown him further up in the mines. The surface of the liquid was shiny, and it coalesced in large drops at the rims of the pools, much like mercury.

Sandal pointed to the puddles with a happy grin, fiddling in his tool belt for whatever he would need to extract the stuff. But before he could get started, there was a deep rumbling noise and the ground beneath their feet began to tremble.

"What's going on, Hawke?" Anders had turned pale.

"I have no idea." Fiona's face was grim. "But whatever it is, it's big."

"And it's on its way here." Fenris frowned in concentration, then pointed to a tunnel entrance on the far end of the room. "There. It's coming from that tunnel."

They hardly had time to draw their weapon before the noise got impossibly louder and _something_ appeared in the tunnel entrance. A huge, tubular head, little more than a gaping maw of sharp teeth, tiny eyes at the side of it, followed by a long, snake-like neck and a massive amorphous body, sliding across the floor propelled forward by stumpy, atrophied legs. The creature was huge, its leathery skin a brownish colour, with dark stripes on its back. And it was coming straight towards them, at a slow but steady increasing pace.

Shepard's stomach lurched as he was hit by a sudden flashback. _Just like the thresher maw_. Fiona and Anders were raising their staffs, hurling spells at the advancing beast, but to no avail. His own shockwave was completely ineffectual. Fenris seemed ready to charge with his sword when an unexpected tremor knocked his feet from under him and sent him sprawling to the floor, right in the creature's path.

Fiona screamed and on impulse Shepard jumped forward to grab the elf, dragging him away as fast as he could. Fenris was heavier than he had expected, though, and he was grateful when Vega appeared at his side, taking hold of the elf's feet as they all raced back towards the tunnel they had emerged from. The entrance was small enough to prevent the beast from reaching them, but it was a narrow escape in the literal sense of the word. They just about managed to squeeze through before the massive head hit the wall behind them, belching a nauseating cloud of foul air after them.

"Damn it, what _is_ that creature?" Fiona rubbed her neck, her face a picture of frustration. "And why is it totally unimpressed by my spells?"

"Or mine," Anders added with a sour smile.

Sandal took hold of Fiona's sleeve and pulled her back along the path, pointing eagerly at a small animal skeleton on the ground, then back at the cave.

"A deep stalker? _Tezpadam_?" Fiona frowned when he nodded vigorously. "Are you sure, Sandal? That's a hell of a big one."

The dwarf grinned, obviously happy she had understood him, and shrugged.

"I told you there was something dangerous down here." Fenris was visibly in a huff, probably because he had been saved by James. "We should never have come."

Fiona sighed and carefully inched closer to the tunnel entrance, motioning for Shepard to follow her, sending a tiny wisp before her to light the cave. The giant stalker had retreated a bit and seemed to be resting, its obscenely large tongue lapping occasionally at the lyrium puddles. Its bulk effectively blocked their way to their goal.

Shepard only barely resisted the urge to bang his head against the rock wall. They had been so close! So damn close! There had to be a way to deal with the creature.

"Can we fight it?" He looked at Fiona, willing her to say yes, but she shook her head.

"I don't see how, to be frank. It's immune to every single spell I tried, and we simply don't have enough brute force to deal with it. If we had several warriors, maybe a war dog... But even so, have you seen the hide on it? I doubt our weapons could pierce that. We'd need a catapult or a ballista." She cursed under her breath.

Shepard leant back against the cave wall, trying to collect his thoughts. He had fought enemies of vastly superior strength before. True, there had always been backup, not to mention considerably more advanced weapon technology at his disposal. And this was no Reaper, with a single vulnerable spot. More like a thresher maw, in every respect.

An idea began to form in his mind, or rather a memory. _Tuchanka. Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws_.

"Maybe we don't have to fight it." He looked up into Fiona's face, a slow grin spreading across his features. "I have an idea."


	17. We Are a Team

**Chapter 17 - We Are a Team**

"So, what's this idea of yours?" Fiona sounded interested, but vaguely sceptical.

Shepard shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "I... we have fought a similar beast before."

Vega looked at him, comprehension dawning on his features. "Kalros? The big damn thresher maw on Tuchanka? But we didn't kill it, Commander, remember? It went down with the Reaper."

Fiona and her companions exchanged looks of confusion. "A thresher maw? Like the one that attacked you before you came here?" She sounded tired. "And how will your experiences help us here?"

He sighed. "Look, I can't guarantee it will work. But back then, we were able to lure the beast to a different spot with the help of a booming sound. There was a kind of gong, a bit like the one we saw upstairs in the dwarven thaig, and the beast was attracted to the vibrations. Of course this creature might react differently, but it's worth a try, don't you think?"

Fiona nodded slowly. "We would have to split up, though, and form two teams."

"Exactly." He could hardly hold back his excitement. "One team goes up to sound the gong, while the rest of us..." He indicated Fiona and Sandal with a sweeping gesture. "They will have to take care of the lyrium."

"The team who goes up has the more dangerous part, though. You're practically bait." Fiona looked worried. "And I can't go. I need to stay with Sandal. I promised Bodahn I'd take good care of him."

"I will lead the first team. Team Normandy." Shepard felt the familiar buzz of adrenaline through his veins. "Vega, you're with me?"

"Right behind you." James' eyes were gleaming with excitement.

"I will join you as well." Fenris stepped to the front. "If the beast really attacks you, you will need all the help you can get."

Fiona nodded. "Anders too." When the mage opened his mouth to protest, she silenced him with a quick gesture. "They will need a mage to amplify the sound of the gong. It looked old and rusted. Isabela, you will stay with us, just in case." A brief grin flashed across her face. "I guess we will be Team Kirkwall."

Shepard took a deep breath and reached for Fiona's hand, clasping it briefly. "Let's get going then. This may be our only chance."

 

* * *

Steve dropped into the armchair by the fireplace with a relieved sigh, glad for a chance to stretch his aching leg. Without Anders' constant care and attention it had begun to give him trouble again, nothing serious, but enough to be uncomfortable. Ashley gave him a sharp look when he rubbed his knee with a wince, but refrained from commenting. He was glad of her silence. They were both tired of waiting, frustrated by the enforced inactivity, and talking about it would only make things worse.

A knock on the door tore them from their thoughts.

"You know, Hawke really did a fine job with this place." Varric walked in, smiling broadly at both of them. "Nothing like a cosy fire on a cool summer evening, is there?"

Ashley didn't bother replying, but Steve smiled back, glad for the distraction. "Varric. Why don't you join us? Have some ale?"

Varric gratefully accepted the offer, taking a deep swig from his tankard. "Any news from Hawke?"

Steve shook his head. "Nothing. Do you think we should be worried?"

The dwarf sighed deeply, resting his chin on his steepled fingers as he thought about the question. "Depends. They haven't really been gone for long. But considering where they are going... Yes, you should definitely be worried."

"What do you mean?" Ashley spoke up sharply. "You mentioned before that the area they're headed for has a bad reputation. What kind of bad reputation?"

Varric's eyes lit up as he sensed the opportunity for a story. "Well, they _say_ that the Deep Roads are cursed there. That there are all sorts of giant spiders and monsters hiding in the depths, waiting for the unwary adventurer."

"Old wives' tales." Ashley snorted contemptuously.

"Ah, but all the best stories have a kernel of truth." Varric nodded sagely. "I bet there's _something_ down there."

"Will you stop it?" Ashley jumped up and hissed angrily at the dwarf. "I don't need more worries."

Varric shrugged, but he did change the subject. Steve was relieved. Inwardly he agreed with Ashley. It was bad enough to be separated from the rest of their team. They didn't need to be reminded of the dangers.

 

* * *

Fiona tapped her fingers nervously on the polished wood of her staff. Shepard and the others had been gone for several hours now. The giant stalker was still blocking their access to the lyrium puddles. A while ago it had seemingly fallen asleep, but when she had carefully ventured outside the tunnel entrance, the huge head had lifted from the floor and a single large eye had stared at her maliciously. She had withdrawn immediately.

"Maker, I'm bored." Isabela was leaning against the cave wall right next to her, cleaning her nails with the tip of her cutlass.

Fiona couldn't help but smile at her faked indifference. "Aren't you worried about James?"

The pirate shrugged. "He's a big boy. He can take care of himself." She threw Fiona an unexpectedly astute glance. "And so can Shepard."

Just then, Sandal who had been half asleep on the cave floor, jumped to his feet, his eyes round as saucers, craning his neck as if he was listening for some faraway noise. Fiona strained her ears to hear it too, but it was almost a minute before she could be certain. A low hum, almost too faint to discern. The deep stalker was shuffling its feet lazily, but made no move to leave.

"They need to make it louder." Fiona cursed under her breath. "This won't do."

"Patience, Hawke." Isabela smiled.

There was a brief pause, and then they heard it, loud and clear; a massive booming noise now, its vibrations travelling all the way across the cave floor. The stalker raised its massive head and emitted a deep, plaintive sound. Fiona held her breath. The gong sounded again and this time the creature moved, dragging itself toward the tunnel entrance at an astonishing speed.

"Wait." Isabela held Fiona back when she rushed toward the cave entrance. "Not yet."

Fiona nodded, even though she was chafing at the delay. Finally the pirate motioned for them to move and they set out toward the puddles, Sandal beaming happily as he readied his tools.

 

* * *

Getting the gong to make a sound had been more difficult than Shepard had anticipated. The mallet was so heavy that Fenris and Vega had to work together to lift it. Their first attempt at hitting the huge bronze disc produced only a faint humming noise, accompanied by a creaking of the chains that held it in place.

"It's no use, Shepard." Anders had eyed the procedure critically. "You'll need magic to make this work."

Fenris muttered something unintelligible under his breath and stepped back. The mage ignored him and walked to and fro, measuring and muttering calculations. Finally he lifted his staff and began to cast. Some sort of grease spell, first of all, adding an oily sheen to the heavy chains.

He began muttering another spell, but interrupted himself with a muffled curse. "Shepard. Can you use your powers to push at the corroded bits? If I use an energy bolt now, the grease will go up in flames and who knows what will happen then."

Shepard nodded. "Show me where to aim."

The mage pointed out several spots in the suspension mechanism. Carefully, Shepard aimed his biotics in the right direction and let loose. The disc trembled a little, but it was still stuck.

"More." Anders sounded tense.

He added a little more power, and this time the hinges squeaked and a small rain of rust particles rained down upon them.

"Again." They watched in fascination as the disc swung to and fro.

"That should do it." Anders stepped back a little. "I'm going to cast another spell, to amplify the sound, and then we can try again."

When Fenris and Vega hit the disc with the mallet again, the resulting “boom” nearly swept them off their feet. They repeated the action twice for good measure, then retreated to their hiding place behind the gong.

Nothing happened.

"It will need some time to get here." Fenris' deep voice was vibrating with tension. "Assuming there is a passable route for a beast this size."

Shepard nodded. "As long as we can get it away from the lyrium ponds-"

A faint rumbling sound came from the Eastern side of the thaig. They had explored that part of the dwarven city earlier on. It had been one of the poorer areas, with narrow streets and poorly built houses. Certainly no thoroughfare big enough for the huge stalker. Unless...

"Oh Maker, it doesn't actually need a suitable route." Anders who had peered over a wall, slumped down, his face pale.

Shepard risked a look and cursed violently. The huge creature was approaching, at the same steady pace they had observed before, a lot faster than it seemed at first. It moved straight through the ruins of the city, crushing houses and walls under its huge belly, the leathery hide unaffected by the scrape of stones and metal. And it was coming straight towards them.

"We need to get away from here." Fenris' ears were twitching nervously, his whole body poised for flight. "It will grind us into dust once it arrives."

Shepard tried to think above the rising noise of the creature's bulk sliding through the rubble. "But where would we be safe?"

Down near the puddles they had retreated into a tunnel entrance, safely hidden behind massive walls of natural rock. Up here, there were only crumbling walls, decaying buildings, their mortar brittle with age. No way to run.

"There's got to be a better way." Not much time now. Shepard's attention was drawn upwards to the huge frame holding the gong. He held his breath. Could this be a way? They would only have one chance.

Anders' gaze had followed his and when their eyes met, a huge grin spread over the mage's face. "Yes. That might work. But it will be one hell of a run."

The stalker was only about a hundred paces away, when they set their plan into motion, Shepard bellowing commands from his vantage point on top of an adjoining building. Fenris and Vega had jumped down again and hit the gong once more, the sound ringing out through the square with a force that shook the ground.

The stalker gave a huge roar and turned towards them, picking up speed. Both of them ran as fast as their legs would take them, but the beast had spotted them now and slithered towards what it perceived as the source of the sound as fast as it could. Shepard held his breath. If they misjudged the right moment...

Just as the creature reached the gong, Anders whooped loudly and they both unleashed their powers. A massive blast from Shepard's biotics tore the bronze disc from its hangings, and a series of energy bolts from Anders directed it where they wanted it, setting fire to the grease coating the metal. An aura of greenish-blue fire enveloped the disc as it went down with an enormous crash, trapping the stalker underneath its weight.

The monster roared again, in pain and frustration, and tried to free itself, but only managed to wedge the crushing weight deeper into its neck. The surrounding houses started to tremble, though, and Shepard made haste to get down to the ground.

"Quick. Let's get out of here. It might recover." He motioned for the others to follow him.

Vega was limping, he saw, a nasty gash along his thigh from a splinter of rock, and Fenris was supporting him until Anders arrived, casting a quick healing spell.

"But what about the others, Commander?" Vega was pale, his eyes wild. "They need to go past here on their way out."

"They will have to find a way." Shepard did his best to keep his tone neutral. "We're leaving. Now."

"Damn it, Commander, you can't-" There was an edge of desperation to the young man's voice, but Shepard knew he couldn't let this pass.

"Out. Now. That's an order, LT." The familiar cadence of command achieved what no amount of explanation could have done.

They still heard the stalker's howls of pain in the distance behind them as they made their way upwards through the tunnels. Shepard didn't look back. His priority was getting his team back to safety. He would worry about Fiona later.


	18. Old Friends

**Chapter 18 - Old Friends**

The four of them pushed on with only the briefest of rests until they reached the upper levels of the caves, then they slept for a few hours before heading up to the surface. Neither of them spoke beyond the bare necessities. When the first waft of cool night air hit him, James inhaled deeply, relieved to be out in the open again, yet too worried about the women and Sandal to feel any real joy.

Setting up camp kept them busy for a while. Fenris disappeared briefly and returned with two skinned hares, which he proceeded to roast on a makeshift spit above their campfire. They were all listening, watching the tunnel entrance anxiously, waiting for a sign of life.

Hours passed. Fenris paced the length of the small clearing, his eyes flaring with passion, his posture even more cramped than usual. Anders sat with his back against the rocky wall, his eyes closed, hands folded in his lap, but James knew he wasn't asleep. His knuckles were white with tension and his brow furrowed with worry. Shepard's face was calm and unreadable, but James knew him well enough to notice the tightness in his jaw, the flash of apprehension in his eyes when he thought no one was looking. He himself felt numb with fear. _Where are they? Why aren't they here yet?_

They had almost given up hope when they heard voices, faint but unmistakable, and then the scrape of a boot against stone as Fiona squeezed through the gap in the rock. When her eyes fell on Shepard, they lit up, and she rushed to meet him, embracing him without hesitation.

"Fiona. You-" Shepard's voice was strangled with emotion, and James forced himself to look away.

"And here they say violence doesn't solve anything." Isabela's raucous laugh was the sweetest sound he had heard in a long time. There she was, climbing out of the tunnel, smiling and blowing a kiss at Fenris, then coming towards him and throwing her arms around his neck. "Maker, guys, I'm impressed. Seems like you work well together."

James was lost for words for a moment, so he just grabbed her and kissed her hard, making her squeal with surprised delight. "Boots. You saw-"

"You bet we did." Fiona turned toward him with a grin, without letting go of Shepard. "It was still alive when we got there, but fortunately Sandal here..." She pointed to the dwarf who had emerged last. "He had a little _enchantment_ up his sleeve. That stalker won't bother unwary travellers any longer."

Shepard's grip on her waist tightened visibly. "Do you have the lyrium?"

Fiona nodded. "Sandal extracted more than enough for us, didn't you, Sandal?"

The boy smiled happily at her and nodded.

"Well, then." Anders got to his feet with a wistful smile. "Let's be on our way. The sooner we get back to Kirkwall the better." 

* * *

The way back seemed endless. They were all exhausted and ready to rest, now that the excitement was over and the rush of adrenaline had worn off. A collective sigh of relief went up as soon as they set sight on Kirkwall's familiar silhouette in the distance.

Coming home would be good, Shepard mused, then caught himself, astounded by his own line of thought. _Home_. They had only spent a few short weeks here, yet Kirkwall felt more like home than any other place he'd been to in the past few years. More than the Citadel apartment, which had never really been his, with too many traces of Anderson and Kahlee Sanders still lingering about the place. Certainly more than Mindoir, with its reminders of loss and pain. He was still a stranger here in many ways, yet as they crossed the threshold of the Amell mansion and Fiona flashed him a warm smile, he felt as safe and comfortable as he ever would.

Ashley and Steve welcomed them enthusiastically, whooping with delight when they reported the success of their mission.

Anders tore himself from Steve's embrace for a moment to face Fiona. "You do realize what this means? We have all we need. Give me another three days and I can set up the portal."

The mage's face bore a curious mixture of pride, excitement and sadness. Shepard sighed when he saw the same feelings mirrored on Steve's features, mixed with a tenderness that made him swallow.

He wondered whether he should say something, but was interrupted by Ashley's strident tones. "So now that we're all set... Do we have a plan on how to survive the thresher maw once we're back?"

Shepard nodded. "I've discussed it with Anders." He turned to face Vega and Cortez. "Our problem was that we couldn't reach higher ground in time. There's plenty of rocky plateaus on that planet where we'll be safe until the Normandy picks us up. But with Steve wounded there was no way to get up there fast enough. Even so, it will probably be a close call, but Anders had an idea."

The mage nodded. "Speed spell. I can magically speed you up so that you'll move a lot faster than normal. It's a battle spell, but I haven't used it in a long time, because frankly, it's usually more trouble than it's worth. People accidentally hitting each other, misjudging their fighting moves, the like. But in this case, it should come in useful."

Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Sounds risky. What if we don't get our armour back on transit? And your omni-tool, Shepard? How are we supposed to alert the Normandy? And what if the spell doesn't work on the other side?"

"It's hard to tell, of course." Anders nodded. "But your magic works fine here, so it's reasonable to assume it will be the same the other way round. You'll go through in full armour, so if your old one doesn't come back, at least there's a chance you won't end up completely helpless."

"Fortunately that planet had a low hazard level, so we should be good for a while without suits. And Joker will find us, even without the omni-tool. It might take a little longer, but I'm sure they can locate us." Shepard tried to sound optimistic.

Vega shook his head slowly. "O-kay. I just hope somebody has a plan B."

Shepard took a deep breath. "I don't. Look, I know the plan is not foolproof. But what choice do we have? I don't see us going back any other way." He closed his eyes for a moment. "Of course if anyone among you doesn't want to go back, I... wouldn't hold it against you."

A hush fell over the room, and they instinctively avoided looking at each other until Ashley spoke up. "What's that supposed to mean, Shepard? Of course we're going back with you. We know our duty, just like you do. Am I right, boys?"

Vega snapped to attention the moment she looked at him. "Damn straight, ma'am. There's no way I'd stay behind."

"Me neither." Steve's eyes were sad, but he met Shepard's gaze without flinching. "You need a decent pilot if you want to kick Reaper ass, Commander."

Anders' sharp intake of breath was unmistakable, but the mage didn't say a word. Steve raised his hand as if to touch him, but thought better of it. The silence was threatening to become uncomfortable again.

"Right, everyone. Get back to your preparations." Fiona's voice was shaking slightly, but her face was determined. "We have a lot to do."

* * *

As soon as the door closed behind them, Anders grabbed Steve by the lapels and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Maker, I've missed you."

He was covering Steve's face in hot, feverish kisses, his hands already beginning to roam further, his eyes gleaming with intensity.

"Anders." Steve closed his eyes. "We need to talk."

"Later." The mage laughed giddily, but he sounded hollow and desperate. "Don't I get a proper welcome first?"

"Anders!" Steve caught his hands. "I... I can't stay with you. I have to leave with the others. Shepard needs me."

"Shepard." The mage turned away with a contemptuous snort. "So he's more important than I am?"

Steve exhaled sharply, trying to contain his growing frustration. "That's not what it's about, and you know it. Shepard is a good friend, yes, and I care for him, but it goes a lot deeper than that. Back home, billions rely on him to save them. He's our only hope. And he needs all the support he can get. How could I desert him?"

Tentatively he reached out to touch Anders' back. "Please. You always knew it couldn't last. And there's no place for me in your world. I'm all but useless."

"You have a place with me." Anders turned to face him, his eyes pleading. "If you leave, I'll be alone again." When Steve didn't respond, he gave a short, bitter laugh. "Well, I should have known. I've always been on my own."

The raw pain in his last words was almost enough to make Steve change his mind. Almost. He took a deep breath and pulled the mage into a firm embrace. There was so much he could have said, but he knew his words would fall on deaf ears. Instead he kissed Anders, deeply and tenderly, and led him over to the bed.

* * *

James wiped the sweat off his brow. He had spent most of the morning out in the courtyard fighting, eager to work off some of the tension that came with waiting. Two or three more days, Anders had said, until the portal would be ready. He headed for the kitchen in search of something to grab for lunch, but as he approached, it became clear from the excited voices coming from the doorway that something unusual had happened.

When he entered, he found most of the household assembled there. Fiona was leaning against the big table, with Shepard next to her, one hand placed possessively on her hips. Anders and Steve were sharing a platter of sausages at the far end of the table, while Ashley was busy cleaning her plate in the big earthenware sink. But it was Isabela who dominated the scene, perched on the lap of an exotically handsome elf with long blond hair and a distinctive facial tattoo.

"James! Meet my old friend Zevran!" She beamed at him, obviously unfazed by the fact that said friend's hand was lazily stroking her naked thigh. "I'm sure the two of you will get along splendidly."

James couldn't quite help swallowing. His eyes swept around the room, stopping when he met Steve's gaze. His friend raised a sceptical eyebrow at him and he forced himself to relax. They had a clear-cut deal, Isabela and him. No jealousy, no possessiveness. Though he had rather hoped to have her to himself for those last few days...

The elf brushed back a golden strand of hair and gave him an amused look, nudging Isabela off his lap so he could jump to his feet. "My name is Zevran Arainai, _mi amico_. Isabela and I have known each other for a long time, and I'm always glad to meet new friends of hers, especially if they are so very handsome."

_Wait a moment._ James did a mental double take. Was the elf actually _flirting_ with him? He took a closer look. He had to admit Zevran was easy on the eyes: golden brown skin, amber eyes, a lithe, strong body that moved with the easy grace of a dancer. If he had been attracted to men at all, he would have definitely considered this one tempting. But as it was...

He opted for small talk, choosing to ignore the way Zevran was openly assessing his body. "How did the two of you meet?"

"Ah, that's a long story." Zevran threw back his head and laughed, displaying the smooth brown column of his throat. "I am an assassin, you see, and I met her while on a job."

"An assassin!" James exchanged a quick look with Shepard, noting the sad expression that momentarily flitted across the Commander's face. He knew they were both thinking the same. _An assassin. Like Thane_. And indeed there was a resemblance in the way Zevran moved, like a large cat ready to descend upon its prey, and in the way he watched his surroundings, always alert, always suspicious.

"Come on, big boy." Isabela patted the seat next to her. "Join me for lunch. You must be famished after all that exercise."

He sank down on the bench, enjoying the way her hands stroked over his biceps, the look in her eyes making it clear how much she adored his physique.

Zevran grinned at the blatant display of affection and walked over to Hawke. "So, my dear, tell me more about the situation in Kirkwall? Is the Knight-Commander really as insane as they say?"

While Fiona launched into a description of the status quo regarding templars and mages, James reached for a piece of oven-warm bread and some of Orana's delicious spicy sausages. "So, do you have any plans for tonight with this old friend of yours?"

Isabela smiled, licking her lips like a cat that had found a big bowl of cream. "I do, yes. It's too good an opportunity to miss. Zevran is quite amazingly skilled, you know. It's part of their training as assassins."

James nodded, trying to hide his disappointment, but Isabela chuckled, obviously seeing through his attempt. "Don't be sad, big boy. Actually... I was hoping you would join us."

He nearly choked on his food, gasping for air. "You were... what?"

Steve was throwing him a curious look from the other side of the table, and he did his best to keep his voice down. "Honestly, Isabela, I'm not really into that sort of thing."

She grinned. "Oh, you don't really mean that, do you? You have no idea what you would be missing."

James opened his mouth to speak, but closed it with a sigh when he saw the look on her face. He already knew he was fighting a losing battle.


	19. Chapter 19 - A Pleasant Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, I freely admit that this chapter is 85% totally gratuitous smut. Feel totally free to skip the middle section, if that's not your thing, but there was just simply no way I could resist the idea of Isabela with James and Zev. I'm a bad girl.

**Chapter 19 - A Pleasant Interlude**

"Tom?" Fiona frowned. This wasn't like him. For the third time this afternoon, Shepard's attention had drifted while they were discussing their plans. She walked over to where he was standing, near the window of her study, looking out over the square, gazing sightlessly into the distance. "Anything wrong?"

He shook himself. "I'm sorry." With a sigh, he embraced her, resting his forehead against hers. "I was just... lost in memories, I guess. Your assassin friend, he reminds me of someone."

"Thane?" Fiona ventured a guess, recalling the night he had told her about the friends he'd lost.

Shepard nodded. "They are very much alike in some ways, you know." He laughed briefly. "And completely different in others. Still, I..."

He didn't finish the sentence, and she pulled him closer, placing a soft kiss on his nose. "You miss him."

"I do." He didn't try to hide the tears in his eyes. "Him and so many others. So much death, Fiona, so many friends lost. And who knows who else we will lose."

She smiled at him, but it was a smile full of sadness. "There's always a risk, Tom. With the lives we're leading, death is always a possibility. You don't need me to tell you that."

Shepard squeezed his eyes shut until he had regained control. "No, I don't. I need you to make me feel alive." He pulled her into a kiss full of desperate greed.

She kissed him back, just as eager. "I'm here, Shepard. Be alive with me."

* * *

The knock on his door late at night didn't come as a big surprise, and when James opened the door to find Isabela with Zevran in tow, he could hardly muster the energy for a resigned sigh. "Boots. I told you-"

"Shhh, don't worry. We're not here to ravish you." Isabela pushed past him with a big smile. "Let's just sit and talk a while."

James rolled his eyes. "Sit and talk, eh? Do you really think I'm that naive?"

Zevran said nothing, offering him a small bottle made from dark glass, his face smiling but otherwise unreadable.

"What is this?" James took hold of it with a frown, careful not to break the delicate neck.

"Antivan brandy. And a very fine one." Zevran's accent seemed more pronounced than earlier.

Isabela quickly found them three glasses and poured the golden liquid. James sniffed it suspiciously. _Strong stuff_. He took a careful sip and his eyes widened with pleasure. "Damn!"

Zevran laughed. "It is good, is it not? Besides, it's nice to have a taste of home occasionally."

"You tell me." James took another sip, savouring the rich, fruity taste, the subtle aroma of nuts and berries. "There are days when I would kill for a bottle of good Tequila."

The elf's ears were twitching slightly, and James wondered what this indicated. _Wariness? Amusement? Mockery?_

 _Elves._ He wondered... How different were they really from humans? So far the only elf he’d had any contact with was Fenris, and he had kept a careful distance. Zevran was definitely more... amenable. 

Isabela seemed to have read his thoughts. "They don't have elves in his world, Zev. Can you imagine?"

"Indeed?" Another twitch of those pointy ears and Zevran stepped closer, running a hand along James' jaw in a feather light touch. "Such a pity. Elves are very much appreciated for their beauty here, you know, even if they are treated like vermin otherwise."

James wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry-"

"No need to apologize." Zevran threw back his hair with a cool smile. "It's hardly your fault, and besides, most of my brothers and sisters make little effort to improve their lot. But truly, are there only humans where you come from? Not even dwarves?"

"No elves, no dwarves, but there are... others." He struggled for words to describe the aliens he knew. "Beautiful creatures with bright blue skin and graceful bodies. Tough fighters with heads like birds. Lizard-men with green scales and dark eyes. And others. There are lots of different species."

Zevran's eyes had lit up. "Ah, the possibilities... This sounds like a nursery tale, _mi amico_ , but an intriguing one. Anyway, have you considered our dear Isabela's proposal?"

James swallowed. "I... I don't know what to say, really. I'm not usually interested in men."

Isabela pouted and started to say something, but Zevran cut her off with a quick gesture. "But this is an unusual situation, don't you think? I can assure you neither of us will do anything you're uncomfortable with. How about you have a look and if you feel like it you join us?"

A host of unbidden images flashed across James' inner eye at this suggestion. He couldn't deny that he found the idea extremely arousing.

Zevran's gaze travelled deeper and his smile widened. "I believe that's something we can work with."

"But I want you both naked." Isabela was still pouting. "I've dreamt of it all day long."

James shared a quick look with Zevran, unable to hold back his grin. "Fine with me." This was hardly the first time he was getting naked in another man's company. He was a marine, after all, and he had never been overly modest. "I've got nothing to hide."

"I'm sure you haven't, _caro_." Zevran's gaze was heated enough to make a shiver run down James' spine.

But there was no backing out now. With quick, economic movements, he took off his clothes, doing his best to ignore the elf's glances. From the corner of his eyes he could see that Zevran had followed suit, slipping out of his leather armour with practiced ease. He was... beautiful, there was no other word for it. Slender and golden-skinned, a bit narrower in the hips and chest than most humans, but well-muscled and sleek. Well-endowed too, his cock long and slim and very visibly erect.

"You too, _bellissima_." Zevran's tone brooked no objection, and Isabela eagerly got rid of her tunic and boots.

With a happy smile, she stretched out on the bed, wiggling her hips lasciviously. "Come here, both of you."

James propped himself up on his elbow next to her. He was acutely aware of Zevran's gaze on him, but it wasn't an altogether unpleasant feeling, once he got past the initial nervousness.

There was admiration in the elf's eyes, and no small amount of desire at the sight of his hard, muscular body, plus a genuine interest when he noticed the tattoos on James' arms and chest. "Those are some very interesting markings you have there, _mi amico_. Beautifully done."

"As are yours." James indicated the elf's tattoos with a tilt of his head. They reached all the way down his chest in a soft, flowing pattern, emphasizing the lines of his muscles. There were more on his hips and lower belly, and no doubt on his back, done in a shade of dark red James was unfamiliar with. It went well with his skin tone, though.

"You can touch them, you know." Isabela licked her lips. "You should. You haven't felt smooth skin if you've never had an elf."

"Isabela!" James blushed violently, but Zevran just laughed.

"True." He took one of James' hands and guided it to his hard chest. "Feel."

His hand was shaking, he realized, and he had to close his eyes, but yes, Zevran's skin was wonderfully soft and silky. The texture was subtly different from human skin, not so much as to be unsettling, but enough to add an extra thrill. James shuddered, remembering the night he had spent with a beautiful Asari dancer on Omega, only months ago. Not quite the same thing, but just as exciting.

In utter fascination, he watched as Zevran began to caress Isabela's luscious curves, hands, mouth and teeth busy on her skin, eyes carefully watching her reactions. She responded enthusiastically and the sight of her arching into the elf's touch was enough to make him gather his courage and join in the fun. Soon she was panting heavily, her body writhing between the two of them, and when he slipped a hand between her legs, he found her wet and wanting.

Zevran who had been greedily suckling her left breast, had obviously thought along the same lines, for suddenly James felt the elf's hand brush against his. He quickly withdrew, unsure of how to handle this, but Zevran just laughed, spreading Isabela's legs wider and sliding between them in one smooth move. When he thrust inside her, James couldn't take his eyes from the two of them, wholly caught up in watching them, breathing in the scent of the pirate's arousal, listening to the small sounds she made. Zevran set a fast and furious pace, obviously familiar with Isabela's preferences, and she moved under him just as vigorously.

James was so close to the two of them that every shift of her hips made her legs rub against his erection, and it was almost enough to make him follow them when she finally screamed her release and Zevran collapsed on top of her with a heartfelt sigh. Almost, but not completely. Isabela lay back with a satisfied sigh, her hand trailing down to his cock, long fingers wrapping themselves around him. He groaned and unconsciously thrust into her hand, but Zevran stopped her with a hand around her wrist.

"Not so fast. Let me." There was a growl in the assassin's voice that made James twitch with sudden desire, but the idea of having the other man's hands upon him was still enough to make him pause.

"Zevran. I don't think I can-" He was blushing again, harder than before.

The assassin considered for a moment. "But you want to, yes? You just have trouble wrapping your mind around the idea?"

James nodded, unable to form the words, and the assassin smiled, a warm, gentle smile. "I think I have an idea."

He whispered something in Isabela's ear and the pirate's face lit up. "Oh yes. That should work."

She got up and walked over to the small chest she kept her belongings in. James watched her appreciatively, glad for a chance to regain a bit of control. When she turned to face him, she had a soft velvet cloth in her hand.

"Trust me, big boy." Isabela smiled at him and settled on the bed close to his head, carefully tying the blindfold around his head. "Relax and enjoy."

James took a deep breath and lay back, still apprehensive, but then their hands were upon him, two pairs of hands, only he couldn't really tell which hand belonged to whom as his senses went into overload in record time. There were lips and teeth and tongues and hot breath and sweet whispers, and when finally a mouth closed around him, he couldn't care less whose it was. All he knew was it felt so damn good, with a second set of lips caressing his nipples and long, nimble fingers dancing over every inch of his skin. His pleasure built faster than he could have imagined, his body tautening and tensing until every muscle stood out under his skin and he couldn't hold back any more, exploding with a wordless shout into the wet heat surrounding him.

Full lips kissed his softening cock, and a clever tongue licked the last drops from him as the blindfold was removed. When he opened his eyes again, they were both at his side, wearing identical satisfied grins.

"See? I knew you would like it." Isabela kissed him on the cheek, winking at Zevran. "Zev knows what he's doing."

James let out a shaky breath. "You are _loco_ , both of you. That was-"

Zevran chuckled. "I'll take that as a compliment. And you, _mi amico_ , are so very gorgeous when you lose control like this."

Isabela smiled proudly. "Isn't he?" She curled up on his shoulder with a happy sigh, smiling affectionately at the assassin when he got up. "You're leaving already?"

"Ah, it is better this way, trust me, carissima." Zevran dressed quickly, then bent down to place a brief kiss on her cheek. "I don't want to overstay my welcome. But I thank you both."

James followed him with his eyes as he left the room, unsure whether he was relieved or disappointed.

* * *

Ashley and Sebastian had spent the evening playing chess in the hall. They had been about to say their goodbyes, when Zevran snuck past them on his way out. He gave them a cheery wink and made a quick, lewd gesture toward Vega's door. Ashley blushed almost scarlet.

Sebastian laughed and shook his head, watching the assassin disappear through the door. "Ah, Zevran. Between him and Isabela, I bet your friend had a memorable evening."

Ashley didn't quite manage to hide her disapproval. "There are more important things Vega should be concerned with right now."

"Don't be too hard on him. I used to be like this, you know?" Sebastian sounded melancholy. "He's young. Let him take his pleasures while he can."

She opened her mouth to speak, but then thought better of it. "Good night, Sebastian. It's been a pleasant evening."

"That it has." He took her hand and breathed a kiss on it. "Good night, Ashley."

She watched him go, reminding herself once again that she would be gone in just a few days. _It's all for the best, really._


	20. Cruel Choices

**Chapter 20 - Cruel Choices**

Fiona woke early in the morning to find Shepard already awake, leaning naked against the mantelpiece and staring pensively into the flames.

She was struck momentarily by the resemblance to a similar scene, years ago; Fenris, standing there, already in full armour again, telling her that their relationship was doomed, that they could never be together. She could still feel the pain his rejection had caused her. No matter how plausible his reasons were, no matter how many times he'd looked at her with love and affection afterwards, it always came down to one thing for her. _He'll never be able to fully trust me. Because I'm a mage._ There was no future for them. Ever.

Shepard was different. And yet, he would leave her too. Soon. Anders and Merrill were already busy setting up the portal spells. _In just a few days..._

Shaking off the dark thoughts, she took a moment to look him over. He looked well, relaxed and healthy. His hair had grown out a little, making him look younger and more vulnerable than he had when they first met. And Maker, she would never get enough of the sheer beauty of his body! Strong, wide shoulders, a hard chest, well-defined stomach muscles, long legs. His cock, nestling peacefully between his muscular thighs now, unlike last night... She shivered.

He had been insatiable, making love to her again and again, taking her from every angle and in every position she could think of, his biotics and her magic flaring up between them in a wild, crackling dance. In between, when he was recovering, he had kissed her, licked her, stroked her into oblivion until she was deliciously sore and her legs were too weak to stand. She couldn't remember ever having been so thoroughly taken, so completely claimed. She sighed contentedly at the thought, and his head flew up. A smile lit up his bright blue eyes, when he saw she was awake.

"Fiona." Walking over to her, he leaned down and kissed her, a quick, hard kiss that made her tremble nevertheless.

"Tom. Come back to bed." Her voice was hoarse and scratchy from all the screaming and begging the night before.

He shook his head regretfully. "Time to get up. We have a busy day ahead."

Reaching for his clothes he pulled on pants, wincing when the linen chafed against his sensitive skin. "Ouch. I don't know how you live with those underclothes."

"What's wrong about your smalls?" Fiona frowned. "They look perfectly fine to me."

He grinned and tossed her the shirt he'd been wearing when he arrived. "Here. Try this."

Fiona made a face. It was a strange garment, no lacings, short sleeves, meant to be pulled over the head. Far too conspicuous to be worn outside, so the only time he wore it now was here, in the privacy of their bedroom.

"Come on. Put it on." There were laugh-lines around his eyes, and she complied, mostly to do him a favour, but when the fabric slid across her head and she felt it on her naked body, she couldn't hold back a moan of pleasure. "Maker, Tom, it's so soft!" The material moulded itself to her curves, stretching in all the right places without confining her. It felt so good!

* * *

Shepard had been meaning to tease her, but when he saw her like this, her hair tousled, wearing nothing but his T-Shirt, he was struck by such a host of feelings that he had to hold on to the bedpost to regain his balance. Images whirled across his mind, a whole elaborate fantasy of taking her home with him, keeping her at his side. Fiona on his bed in the Citadel apartment. Fiona's delighted laugh as she tried out the whirlpool. Her face as she tasted sushi for the first time. Fiona talking and laughing with Joker, admiring Liara's evening dress, listening to Garrus' bragging with an amused smile. His chest contracted painfully, and he wondered for an instant. Could it be possible? Was there any way this dream could come true?

But then the pictures changed. The inside of a collector base, Fiona's body hooked up to the ship, harvested, turned into a mindless husk. How could he do this to her? How could he ask her to follow him to a world that was most likely doomed, to a place where she would be helpless, clueless, far from all she knew? And on top of that, ask her to abandon the people who relied on her, who needed her.

Pulling her close, he buried his face in her hair. She would never agree to this, he knew. Just like he could never just stay here, neglect his duty to the people he'd left behind, no matter how much he loved her. No matter if it would tear his heart out to leave her. _The woman I've always dreamed of, and there's no way for us to stay together._ The pain cut through him like a lance, and he held her as tight as he could, clinging to her, wishing desperately he could make this moment last forever.

* * *

Anders' nails were digging deeply into Steve's palms as he clutched his hand tightly. "The preparations are complete, Hawke. We can set the portal up any time."

"Any time." Fiona swallowed. "Alright. When-"

"As soon as you can make it, sister, and as far away from the city as possible." All heads flew around towards the door where Carver had appeared, in full Templar armour, a sneer on his face.

"Carver!"

Steve could easily make out the tension in Fiona's slim back.

"I thought... Why? And why are you here?" she asked.

Carver stepped closer, his expression softening a little when he heard the genuine anxiety in her voice. "It's not safe here, Fiona. I've come to warn you. Somehow Meredith has gotten wind of your activities, and she's very interested in your guests. Whatever it is you're planning, you need to do it soon, and do it outside the city or risk interruption."

Fiona exhaled sharply and reached instinctively for Shepard's hand, but then she caught herself and nodded at her brother. "Thank you. I appreciate the risk you've taken in coming here. We will find a way."

Carver inclined his head stiffly. "I couldn't just let her... Take care, Fiona."

Without waiting for her reply he turned and left. There was a moment of silence. Ashley, who was sitting on the loveseat under the window with Sebastian, raised her head and briefly made eye contact with him, then with Vega. Shepard had tensed too. Steve rubbed his neck. _What does this mean? And what can we do?_

"Blight it!" Fiona paced the room in agitation. "Meredith's interference is the last thing we need."

"Don't worry, Hawke." Merrill smiled brightly. "I know just the place, a cave on the lower slopes of Sundermount. If we leave early tomorrow and use the tunnels, the Knight-Commander won't even notice we're gone."

Fiona smiled back, a little wistfully. "You're right. Tomorrow, everyone. We set out shortly before dawn.

* * *

James' hand was stroking lazy circles on Isabela's naked back. "So you won't be there tomorrow, to say goodbye?"

She shook her head and slid down between his thighs. "No, big boy. You know I'm not good at early mornings. Besides..." There was a naughty gleam in her eyes. "I'd rather say goodbye the same way I welcomed you here, a few weeks ago."

Without any further warning, her lips closed around him, hot and tight, and it took all his control not to thrust.

" _Dios_! You-"

She laughed triumphantly without letting go of him, and the vibration made him arch off the sheets.

"Holy Hell!" Yet despite his arousal there was suddenly a big lump in his throat and he pushed himself up on his elbows, looking down at her. "I'll never forget you, Boots."

She grinned and paused for a heartbeat, smiling affectionately at him before renewing her efforts. "No one ever does."

* * *

Sebastian wasn't there. Ashley kept looking for him while Anders set up the portal, reciting spells from a threadbare grimoire and carefully handling the lyrium with the help of a set of tongs and a pair of thick alchemist's gloves. Varric had arrived early with Merrill, who was chattering eagerly, waving the Wand of Concentration around and generally making everyone nervous.

But there was no sign of Sebastian's familiar gleaming white armour, and she had been so sure he would be there. Every one of Hawke's companions had made a point of saying a proper farewell to them. Even Fenris had made a brief appearance last night, clasping Shepard's forearm tightly and wishing him safe travels.

Ashley bit back a sob. It wasn't like Sebastian to break a promise. When the gleaming outline of the portal appeared before them, changing colour from a faint pink to a deep purple, she had almost resigned herself to leaving without a chance to say goodbye.

And then, just as the whorls of energy coalesced into an opaque surface and Anders pronounced the preparations to be complete, there he was, stepping out from the shadows. He was clad in black leather armour she had never seen on him. Ashley swallowed hard. It was an unusual choice for him, but God, the leather looked good on him!

"Commander. Hawke." To her surprise he approached Shepard and Fiona first, his face earnest, his tone almost formal.

"Sebastian." Shepard nodded at him. "It's good of you to come and see us off."

But Sebastian shook his head. "That's not what I'm here for, Commander. With your permission, I would like to join you."

"What?" Shepard was too surprised to mince words. "Are you sure? Do you have any idea what you're in for?"

Fiona had turned pale. "If you do this, Sebastian, you can never come back. Is this really what you want? What about Starkhaven? What about the Chantry?"

He smiled at her, but ignored her questions and continued addressing himself to Shepard. "I'm aware of the dangers, Commander. I do not fear death, and I'll try not to be a liability. Will you take me with you?"

Shepard shrugged, outwardly indifferent, but Ashley noticed he quickly glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction. "You are welcome aboard my ship, Sebastian, if that's what you wish for."

Sebastian nodded. "I've prayed and fasted until the Maker showed me a path, and I'm sure it's the right one." He handed Fiona a folded piece of parchment. "Will you give this to Elthina for me, Hawke? She's been like a mother to me. She deserves an explanation."

Turning from Fiona, he took Ashley's hand. "I can't bear the thought of losing you, my love. I know we've never spoken of this, but if you will have me..."

Ashley nodded, surprised beyond words. Never in her wildest dreams had she expected this. Up to this moment, she had been prepared to say farewell to him forever. And now... Too overcome to speak, she raised her face to his, closing her eyes as he kissed her deeply.

When she opened them again, her gaze fell on Anders' face. The mage looked torn between conflicting emotions. Hope, longing, desperation.

Steve looked up from the armour strap he'd been adjusting and smiled tentatively at his lover. "Anders. If you-"

The mage swallowed hard and took a step closer, but then his eyes flashed bright blue and he stopped in his tracks, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Steve. I can't. I just can't."

Steve nodded quietly, turning away. Vega wrapped an arm around his shoulder, patting his back. Ashley sighed, then blushed when she realized she was clinging to Sebastian's hand, as if afraid he would disappear after all.

Anders had turned back to the portal, busying himself with a few adjustments. Now he raised his head. "You're all set. All you need is the speed spell, and you'll be ready to leave."

"Give us a moment." Shepard's voice was close to breaking as he drew Fiona into a last embrace.

* * *

For a few precious minutes he held her in his arms, breathing in her scent, feeling her warmth, the soft curves of her body, so familiar already, and all he could think was that he didn't want this moment to end, that he would have given anything to freeze time and remain like this forever. In the end it was Fiona who gently pushed him back, brushing a lock of hair from his forehead.

"Tom. It's time." There was nothing but pure tenderness in her voice.

Shepard swallowed, still clinging to her slim body. "Leaving you is the hardest thing I've ever done, Fiona. And I wish there was a way, but-"

"Shhh." She traced his lips with her finger, silencing him with a caress. "I know, love. We both have a job to do, and there's no one else who can do it for us. Letting you go... it breaks my heart, but there are more important things in this world, and in yours, than my broken heart." She was crying openly, but her face was determined. "Goodbye, Tom. You'll be taking my love with you. And it will make you stronger in the struggles you have to face." She kissed him, almost chastely, her eyes full of pain, then she stepped back, letting go of him with a deliberate motion. "I love you."

"I love you too." He had to turn away or there was no way he would be able to leave.

"Commander?" Vega gestured for him to lead the way.

He nodded, straightening his spine. "Come on. Time to go. Anders?"

The mage raised his staff and muttered the words of the spell. Shepard felt a faint tingle all over his body. He took a deep breath, and without a backward glance he stepped through the portal.


	21. Aftermath, Part 1 - The Normandy

**Chapter 21 - Aftermath, Part 1 - The** **Normandy**

There was a blinding flash of light, a moment of disorientation, and then, with no time to adjust, no time to think, really, they were back. Back on a desert planet, with a thresher maw racing towards them. Shepard spared a moment to glance around. They were all there: Ashley, Vega, Cortez, even Sebastian. Their armour had mysteriously reappeared, as had their guns, but by the same logic the archer was missing his leathers and his bow now. No matter, there were more urgent concerns now.

"Run! Quick!" He grabbed Ashley's forearm, pleased to see she already had a firm hold on Sebastian's wrist, and dragged her toward a rocky outcrop, praying that Anders' spell would work.

And it did. It was a weird feeling, not like running, more like zooming through the air. In a mere heartbeat, they were at the foot of the promontory and began climbing - not a moment too soon, though. Just as Steve, who brought up the back, dragged himself over the edge, the thresher maw hurtled itself against the rocky hillside in impotent rage before withdrawing into the ground.

"We made it." Shepard grinned broadly, but then the realization hit him.

They were back. And he would never see Fiona again. Clenching his jaw, he tried to activate his omni-tool, exhaling sharply when it snapped to life as if it had never been gone.

"Joker?" He realized he sounded shaky.

"Commander? Shit, where have you been? You dropped off the radar for almost five minutes there." There was some interference, but it was unmistakably his pilot's voice.

"Five minutes." Shepard bit back a slightly crazed laugh. "The shuttle is gone. Pick us up, Joker. All five of us."

"Five? I mean, yes, sir." There was a faint muttering in the background, no doubt EDI chipping in with additional information. And then the Normandy was on her way to pick them up.

* * *

She went to meet Sebastian in the med bay where he had been subjected to a thorough examination, probably just as much to ascertain he wasn't a danger to them as for his own benefit, Ashley suspected. Yet when she arrived, she heard Chakwas' laugh, even before the doors opened and his warm, lilting voice reached her ear. _Succumbed to his charm as well, have you, doctor?_ Well, Ashley couldn't blame her.

"He's all yours, Lieutenant Commander." Chakwas gave her a sly look. "No problems with his health or constitution, as far as I can see, though I recommend regular check-ups for at least a few months to come. We need to make sure Sebastian adapts well to our living conditions."

_Sebastian, is it?_ Ashley bit back a grin. "I'm sure that's a good idea," was all she said aloud. "Come on. There's a place I need to show you."

Sebastian jumped up from the examination table with a bright smile that set her heart aflutter. _God, he should be illegal!_ He had changed out of his familiar linen clothes into a pair of fatigues and a black alliance T-shirt, borrowed from Steve, who was roughly his size and build. The outfit suited him only too well. The fabric of the shirt, a little too tight for him, clung to his well-muscled chest and upper arms and Ashley had a hard time keeping her eyes off him. She wasn't the only one. As she led him through the ship's corridors, he drew more than one admiring gaze from the other crew members, a fact he wasn't oblivious to.

She took him to the Starboard Observation Deck, her favourite haunt ever since she'd come back aboard the Normandy. On the way there she noticed a few small signs that he wasn't quite as assured as he pretended to be, a slight shaking of his hands, brief, anxious glances at his surroundings, a quick biting of his lips. For a moment she tried to imagine what this must be like for him, all the bright lights and strange noises, odd contraptions and incomprehensible routines. _I'd probably curl up screaming in a corner, begging for it to stop._ All things considered, he was taking it fairly well.

When they entered the lounge, she took his hand and led him over to the big observation window. "There. See? Isn't it beautiful?"

Ashley heard him draw a deep breath, but he didn't answer. For a long time, he just looked, then he turned with a sigh and sank down on the shiny black sofa, running his hands across the unfamiliar material.

"Maker. I never imagined-" He was trembling, and she sat down at his side, grasping his hands in hers.

"Regrets?" It would be only too understandable, yet she feared his answer.

But he shook his head vigorously. "No. No regrets. I've never been more certain that I'm doing the right thing."

Ashley squeezed his hand harder. "But what about the Chantry? What about Elthina? What about your vows? I know they mean something to you."

He nodded, his face sober. "That's what sets you apart from all the others. You've always respected my decisions, even though-"

Sebastian took a deep breath. "I don't know whether I can explain it properly. All my life, there's been this... _fire_ burning inside me, and I never knew what to do with it. When I was young, I let it consume me. I drank, I whored, I committed petty crimes. I was living life to the full, or so I thought, but it was never enough. Then my parents gave me to the Chantry and I realized things would have to change. I tried. I wanted to be sincere. I told myself I could subdue my passions, find serenity, burn only for the Maker. I even managed to rein in my fury over what happened to my family, eventually." He sighed. "I was fooling myself. Maybe one day I'll get there. Maybe one day I'll be as calm and detached as I strove to be. But not yet."

"Sebastian, you-" Ashley could no longer just listen. She had to tell him-

He raised a hand, signalling for her to let him continue. "You came into my life and the fire flared up again. I tried to beat out the flames, tried to tear my love for you from my heart. I couldn't. And then the Maker showed me another way, and I realized how stupid I'd been." His eyes were shining now. "All my life I listened to what others told me I had to do and I either rebelled against it or tried to follow their wisdom. But I never listened to my heart. And when I finally did I realized that my passions... They are a part of me. They need to be properly channelled, turned toward something good. I knew I had to come with you, do whatever I could to help you. I knew that at your side the heat would turn into a comforting warmth." He broke off, blushing. "And yet, now that I'm here I find that I'm scared of all the strangeness. I tremble like a child. It's all so _different_."

"Some things are just the same as before." Ashley caught his gaze and held it.

To her relief, he smiled at that, some of the tension draining from his shoulders. "Are they?" He cupped her cheek, drawing her closer and brushing his lips against hers. "Are they really? Because if they are, then I can deal with everything else."

She made a small, affirmative noise and he shuddered, kissing her in earnest now. His skill at kissing hadn't suffered at least, and it was only moments until she was moaning into his mouth, her fingers tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck, her whole body aching for his touch.

"Wait." When she came up for breath, she remembered something important. "EDI? Would you lock the door and give us some privacy, please?"

"Certainly, Lieutenant-Commander Williams." Sebastian flinched at the sound of the disembodied voice coming from the walls, but then he leaned in and kissed her again.

"Are you really sure? Your vows-" Ashley could have slapped herself the moment the words left her mouth, but he never even let go of her lips, murmuring against them without breaking the kiss.

"My vows had their meaning as long as my life belonged to the Chantry. But everything's changed now. And if I have a future with you..." His lips travelled down her throat, igniting small flames under her skin all along the way, until he suddenly stopped, looking up straight into her eyes with those impossibly blue eyes. "Do I?"

Ashley gasped, almost ready to whine at the loss of his hot lips. "You know you do. I... I love you."

It was as if a dam had broken. Sebastian's eyes lit up at her words and he mouthed them back at her before redoubling his caresses, so expertly he had her panting within minutes. Their clothes were discarded without further delay and then she felt him, naked and warm all along her body, and it was better than she could have imagined, so close, so real, so utterly intimate. He was kissing her _everywhere_ , his lips scorching hot on her skin, his face intent and focussed, and she was burning for him, aching for his touch, yearning to feel him.

Isabela's remarks about his wild youth echoed in her ears when he spread her legs and bent down to taste her, because _God_ he was so _incredibly_ good at this! His tongue and lips found all her most sensitive places with unerring certainty, making her keen with lust. He was greedy, like a man starved for years, as if he couldn't get enough of her taste, her flesh shuddering under his caresses. She moaned helplessly, writhing beneath him, but then he suddenly pulled back, panting hard, his hands balled into fists.

"Give me a moment." His voice was unsteady, and she realized he was hanging by a thread. "Just... Too much." He took several deep breaths, his eyes closed, and when he opened them again he flashed an apologetic smile at her. "I'm sorry. It's been so long, and I want... I need to make this good for you."

Ashley swallowed, following the line of his jaw with her fingers. "Nothing you could do would make this anything less than perfect for me."

His grin turned mischievous and he quickly twisted his head, catching her finger between his lips. "That is a comforting thought." _Oh God, his voice!_ It seemed to have dropped even deeper, rough and husky, and when his tongue began to swirl around her fingertip, with just the faintest hint of suction, it was almost enough to send her over the edge. She cried out, her hips bucking up involuntarily, and there was no missing the glint of triumph in his eyes.

Then his hands were back on her thighs, and he was spreading her legs again. All conscious thought was lost as he slid a long finger deep inside her. All she knew was she was his, and she wanted him, needed him, needed all of him and she was dimly aware she was telling him, babbling in a voice she didn't even recognize as her own. But he soaked it all up, and his eyes turned dark listening to her, dark with a desire that was furious and tender at the same time, a combination she wouldn't have believed possible.

Sebastian kept holding her gaze while he moved between her legs and arranged them around his slim hips. His eyes never left hers as he carefully positioned himself and then suddenly thrust forward, burying his length inside her, so deep that she could do nothing but scream at the sheer perfection of the feeling. So full, so complete, so gloriously perfect! And he didn't look away when he began to move, a soft rolling motion of his hips that made her come utterly undone.

It was almost embarrassing how quickly she clenched around him, too shattered to even scream, her whole body consumed with white-hot fire, racing through her veins and making every inch of her burn with sheer, naked pleasure. He laughed, a low, triumphant laugh, and just kept going, grinding into her at a steady, rhythmic pace. There he was, propped up on top of her, his movements so utterly graceful, so sublimely beautiful that she couldn't take her eyes off him as he led her to yet another peak, even more overwhelming than the first. This time she took him with her, though, shuddering and gasping through the final aftershocks of pleasure until he collapsed on top of her, completely spent.

It took her a while to become aware of her surroundings again. When she did, Sebastian was lying next to her on his back, eyes staring at the ceiling, a hint of worry already returning to his expressive features.

"Will you be okay?" Ashley gently traced his cheekbone with her fingertips, marvelling at the perfection of his bone structure.

He nodded. "I think I will. With all this..." He made a sweeping gesture with his hand, including their bare bodies, wrapped around each other. "How could I not be?" He pulled her hand to his lips, breathing a kiss on her knuckles. "I'll need something to do. Maybe I can help the good doctor, to start with." He sighed. "I miss my bow, though."

Ashley couldn't help but smile. "We will get a bow for you. It may take a while, but we will find one. And in the meantime..." She disentangled herself from his arms and rolled off the sofa, reaching for her clothes. "You will come with me to the shooting range and I will introduce you to my sniper rifle. I'm sure the two of you will hit it off immediately."

* * *

The mess hall was almost empty at this time of the night, but James actually preferred it that way. Easier to be alone with his thoughts and memories, easier to avoid the curious gazes. He finished his plate quickly, then sat back for a moment, closing his eyes in contemplation.

"Feels strange to be back here, doesn't it, LT?" Shepard dropped into a chair opposite to his, picking at his food with an expression of disgust.

"Amen to that, Commander." James made a valiant attempt to smile. "And not just in a good way."

"I know." Shepard sighed. "How is Steve taking it?"

James shrugged. "Hard to tell. He misses Anders, but I think he's doing okay. Sad, but not broken, you know."

"And you? Miss your pirate queen?" Shepard's tone was light, but his eyes were alert, ready to pick up on anything that would indicate distress.

"Sure do." James snorted. "Especially at night, if you catch my meaning. But hey," he said, aiming for the same lightness, but failing miserably. "It was too good to last anyway, wasn't it?"

Shepard closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes. It was."

_Shit. It must be worse for him. True love and all that_. James threw all caution to the wind. "What about you? How are you holding up?"

To his surprise, Shepard didn't tell him to back off. He just sighed again and shook his head. "You heard Fiona. We both have a job to do. With so much at stake, what else could we have done? Besides... No, that sounds ridiculous." He broke off, almost blushing.

"What, _loco_?" James reached out for Shepard's hand on the table, squeezing it briefly. "I'm sure it's not."

Shepard took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "In a way, she's here with me, James. Not in the way I want her to be, obviously, but her love... I can feel it. I know I'm not alone." He blinked. "There. I told you it sounds ridiculous."

"Not at all, Commander." James shook his head. "Not at all."

 


	22. Aftermath, Part 2 - Kirkwall

**Chapter 22 - Aftermath, Part 2 -** **Kirkwall**

The portal lingered only for a moment after Shepard and his companions had passed through. Almost immediately, the purple surface grew pale and hard. The large crystal at the centre of the Wand of Concentration glowed impossibly bright, forcing them to cover their eyes, then it burst with an ugly, crackling noise, straight along its centre.

It was over. They were gone, and there would be no way of following them. Fiona was shocked when she saw Anders' face. He didn't even try to hide the bleak desperation in his eyes. With a start she noticed how frail and spent he looked, how gaunt his tall frame had become. Her friend seemed to have aged several years within moments.

"Anders." She reached out for him, ready to comfort him and share his grief, but he shook his head, closing his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Fiona. I need to be alone." The naked pain in his voice was almost more than she could bear, too vivid an echo of the wailing of her own broken heart. When he left, nearly running in his eagerness to get away from them all, it was almost a relief.

She sought him out later, when her own tears had dried a little, but he refused to talk to her, no matter what approach she tried.

"What is there to say? They left us, without so much as a look behind. We have other things to focus on. Now, if you don't mind, I have a lot to do." He was scribbling furiously on the latest version of his manifesto, his eyes never meeting hers.

* * *

Isabela leant in the doorway to Fenris' bedroom, looking fondly at the elf. He was busy cleaning his armour, gently brushing off some encrusted dirt before reaching for the oil bottle next to him. She inhaled deeply, savouring the scent of leather, almost smiling at the intense focus on his features.

He seemed so preoccupied that it startled her when he spoke, that deep, rich voice of his easily carrying over to her. "Bela. It's good to see you." He sighed. "They've been gone for over a week. I miss Sebastian's company."

Of course. The archer had been one of his closest friends. Still, Isabela approved of Sebastian's decision, if only because she had always felt a pang of regret at the thought of such a fine specimen of man being reduced to a life of chastity and prayer. As for Fenris...

She stretched voluptously. "Ah, well. Who would have thought Choirboy had it in him, eh? I bet the lovely Ashley will make him _very_ happy." Her voice was dripping with innuendo.

She noted with approval that Fenris' eyes followed the movement of her breasts, yet his tone remained wary. "What about James? Do you miss him?"

Isabela shrugged. "We had a good time, and I'll always have fond memories of him. But I never thought he'd be around for long. And you know I prefer not to be tied down. Well, unless it's in the literal sense." She winked at him, and he chuckled dryly.

Walking over to his side, she sat down on the bed next to him, arranging her legs comfortably on the faded silken blanket. He put aside the oiled rag and the vambrace he'd been working on, but he kept his distance.

"Have you been to see Fiona?" Isabela chewed her lower lip, looking up at him from under her long lashes.

Fenris shook his head. "I thought about it, but... I'm not the one she wants to see. I never will be." One of the corners of his mouth rose in a sad little half-smile. "Took me long enough to work that out, didn't it?"

"Doesn't matter. As long as you did." Isabela did her best to fight back a smug grin. To her own surprise, her heart was beating wildly at the look he gave her. Tentatively, she reached out to run a finger along his ear, then down his jaw.

His low growl was exactly the reaction she had hoped for. "Will you stay the night?"

She lay back with a happy sigh and pulled him down with her. "If you can keep me busy."

"I don't think that will be a problem." Hot lips trailed down her throat while his hands settled firmly on her hips, tugging at the fabric of her tunic. "Take this off."

The offending garment disappeared quickly, and when his mouth found her nipple, Isabela gasped with pleasure. Gazing down at his silvery head, she felt a fierce surge of pride. When she had first slept with him, more than a year ago, it had been good. Better than good, in fact. But the calm confidence he now displayed - that was something he'd found in her arms. And it was incredibly exciting.

He wasn't remotely gentle tonight, his teeth scraping her skin, his tongue flicking sharply against her aching flesh before he sucked hard. Isabela cried out, arching up into his mouth, her fingers involuntarily clenching into his hair. Another dry chuckle and a sure hand slid up her thigh, no teasing, no playing around. He was going straight for the kill.

And it would be the kind of death she would welcome only too happily. The thought made her giggle and he paused for a heartbeat, frowning slightly. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She couldn't resist his slight pout. Catching his lower lip between her teeth, she tugged playfully, then bit down hard, drawing a tiny drop of blood. "Just happy to be here with you."

Fenris glared at her, cursing under his breath in his native language, but she could see he was secretly pleased. And feel it too, through his thin leggings. Instinctively, she opened her legs wider, making him slide against her core. He cursed again, then repeated the motion, drawing another gasp from her. Maker, he felt so good, and she needed more of him.

Too impatient to bother with knots, she scrambled for the dagger hidden in her left boot and swiftly cut through the laces of his shirt. To his credit, Fenris didn't even flinch at the sight, but quickly snatched the blade from her and buried it deep in the top of the little bedside table.

"No weapons in bed," he growled, his hands dancing all over her legs and hips, pulling off her pants and boots in search of more hidden daggers. He actually discovered two of them and Isabela made a mental note to find better hiding places.

But she forgot all about it when he pressed his hot torso to her naked breasts, and the silky softness of his skin over hard, lean muscles felt so utterly perfect that she never wanted to let go of him again. Somehow his leggings ended up on the bedpost and then there was nothing between them, nothing to prevent her from rubbing herself shamelessly against him in a mute plea for _more_ , more skin, more heat, more touch.

"Bela." He spread her open, holding her down with his weight, hitching up one of her legs as far as it would go as he slid deep inside her with a satisfied moan, so far inside that she felt him deep in her belly, hot and hard.

His hand gripped her thigh hard enough to leave a bruise, but when she whimpered, he ignored her, pulling back with a furious snarl. No, there would be no quarter given this time. Without further hesitation he pounded hard into her, fully focussed on his own pleasure, no careful consideration this time. Isabela felt a triumphant laugh bubble up inside her as she surrendered herself completely to him, revelling in the knowledge that she could do this to him. She was the one who could break his control. She was the one who could make him forget everything but the ecstasy building within him, the powerful, all-consuming lust that drove him inside her, again and again until his markings flared up blue and he finally collapsed over her with a hoarse groan, leaving her right on the brink of climax.

He was still shuddering, but when he saw her hand move between her legs, he swatted it aside and pressed the heel of his own hand against her heat, moving it in slow circles with just the right amount of pressure to send her over the edge, screaming and raking her nails down his back.

She felt warm and heavy afterwards, only too ready to snuggle up close to Fenris and rest for a while. He was already half asleep, a tiny smile playing around his luscious lips. _Sleep well, gorgeous._ Breathing in his scent, she made herself comfortable in his arms, already dreaming of what they would do later.

* * *

Fiona put down her tankard of ale with a deep sigh, rolling her neck and flinching when she realized how tense she was.

Varric, whose sharp eyes missed nothing, put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You look tired, Hawke. Shouldn't you be at home in your bed instead of wasting the night away with the likes of us?"

She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. "I can't sleep anyway. Too much on my mind, I guess."

Varric's face gave nothing away, but his gaze was kind. "Maybe you should ask Blondie for a sleeping draught. Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him in weeks. It's not like him to miss our card nights."

"He's at his clinic." Fiona frowned. "I swear, he hasn't left the place in days. Always claims to be busy healing or writing. I'm worried he'll break down one of these days. The only thing that keeps him going is the lyrium." _Far too much lyrium to be good for him._

She didn't need to say it aloud. This wasn't the first time they'd been having this conversation. Ever since Steve had left, Anders had completely withdrawn into his shell. Whenever they met at the Hanged Man they would talk about him - behind his back, because he never joined them any more. They discussed different plans how to help him, dismissing them all in turn as too impractical or too desperate. None of them could get through to him, no matter how hard they tried. But deep inside they all knew something was going horribly wrong.

* * *

Fiona blinked at the sudden influx of light when Isabela pulled the curtains back vigorously.

The pirate frowned at her blotchy face and wrinkled her nose in mock outrage. "Honestly, what do you think you're doing? The good people of Kirkwall are screaming for their champion to show up and solve all their problems for them."

"Let them scream." Fiona buried her face in her cushion with a groan. "I'm sick and tired of it all."

"Of course you are." Isabela sat down on the edge of the bed and gently put an arm around her shoulder. "And rightly so. But it's time to stop moping and face the world again. You've been holed up here for three whole days and it's not doing you any good."

"I know." Fiona allowed herself be dragged into a sitting position and gratefully took the mug Isabela offered her. She downed its content in one gulp, but regretted it immediately. "Blight it, what is this stuff?"

"Old Rivaini recipe." The pirate grinned. "It either kills you or makes you stronger. And since there seems to be nothing much that can kill you, I figured it would help."

Fiona sighed, hiding her face against Isabela's shoulder. "Thanks. I know I shouldn't wallow in self-pity like this. It's just..."

"You miss him so much? Can't live without your man?" Isabela rolled her eyes exaggeratedly.

"Shut up." Fiona boxed her hard in the ribs, biting back a grin, but grew serious again immediately. "I do miss him, night and day. And it hurts, it really does. But honestly, right now I don't even have time to be sad. All I can think about is how much I worry about Anders."

"What has he done this time?" Isabela sighed wearily. "Stripped naked in front of Meredith's office to protest her treatment of mages? Drowned all the Templars in the Gallows in a flood of manifestos? Tell me."

"I wish." Fiona bit her lip. "I don't understand what's going on, I really don't. Last week he disappeared into the sewers for several days. Said he had to get ingredients for a potion and wouldn't accept my help." Fiona brushed her hair back wearily. "I was sick with worry, but when he came back he refused to say what it had been about. Just said he had what he needed and he was too tired to chat."

"And you accepted that? I have a hard time believing that." Isabela's eyebrows arched up in disbelief and Fiona threw her a dark look.

"Of course I didn't. I was after him for days. In the end, I managed to corner him in the clinic and demanded an explanation." She swallowed. "It was a disaster. I tried so hard to make him open up to me, but he just clammed up. And then he practically threw me out in the end, said he didn't want me to get involved, and that it was for my own good. What in Andraste's name is he up to?"

"I have no idea." Isabela patted her back soothingly. "But I guess we'll find out soon enough."

* * *

Shepard had been gone for little more than a month, when Anders put his plan into motion. Fiona gazed at the smoking rubble of the Chantry, too weary to even feel surprised. _So that was his grand solution._ Now she knew. Now hundreds, if not thousands of innocents were dead, victims of Anders' misplaced sense of _justice_. Some people might claim this was the spirit's doing, but she knew better. Anders' fury over the plight of the mages had always been his own.

Still, she didn't kill him when people clamoured for his death. Anders was her closest friend and she loved him like a brother. Even if she would never agree with the senseless violence, even if she still wracked her brain about what she could have, should have done to stop him in time, some part of her understood his reasons only too well. She knew what it meant to be a mage, an apostate, and there was no question whose side she was on in this struggle.

Although she was by no means sure they would survive.


	23. Epilogue - Sacrifice

**Epilogue - Sacrifice**

It was a warm, quiet morning in their little house on the outskirts of Lothering, the sun painting golden stripes on the well-sanded wooden floors, the scents of tea and porridge wafting in from the kitchen. Fiona stretched and yawned, looking out with pride at their tiny, well-ordered garden, so lovely at this time of the year. Two hands settled on her hips from behind, and she happily leaned back against a broad chest, savouring her lover's warm, comforting presence.

"Morning, love." Shepard's lips were trailing down her neck as his grip around her tightened.

She closed her eyes, unconsciously arching into his touch, her body begging for his caresses. With a low laugh, he spun her around and kissed her deeply, his hands sliding up her back, reaching for the laces of her dress. Fiona moaned softly. It felt so good to be here, with him, in his arms, to feel his arousal against her, to know nothing would separate them, nothing could come between them any more.

As his touch became more insistent, she smiled to herself and pushed him gently back, placing a finger on his lips when he began to protest. "Tom. There's something I need to tell you."

He smiled back, full of love, but then his head flew back with a start and he frowned, listening for some sound in the distance. Fiona was about to open her mouth and speak, when suddenly, without a warning, everything tilted sideways and the dream shattered. The house, the sunlight, Shepard, all disappeared with frightening suddenness. Her eyes flew open, wide with panic, as the ship swayed violently in another gust of wind, and she slid toward the damp wooden floor. For a moment she fought it, trying to cling to the dream, but it was no use. Reality hit her like an ogre's club.

The tiny cabin was dark and cramped, with three people squeezed into a space barely suitable for one. The walls were taken up by narrow cots, each with a little storage space underneath, just an arm's length between them. There were no windows, and what illumination there was came from a tiny magelight they took turns conjuring up; being in complete darkness would have driven them mad. For the past three days, the room had been filled with the stench of sick, no matter how tightly they wedged the lid on the bucket. It clung to the insides of their noses, sweet and cloying. Maker, would she ever get rid of the smell, ever breathe fresh air again?

Still the storm raged on, tossing the _Ocean Queen_ about like a child's toy, beams creaking, saltwater sloshing over the decks, dripping through the ceiling, forming puddles on the cabin floor. Isabela was up there with her crew, of course, proudly facing the gale with a reckless smile on her face. And Fenris was with her, as he had been ever since James had left. Whereas the mages were huddled below, safe from the storm's fury.

_Safe_. Fiona bit back a hollow laugh. As if any of them were safe now. The events of the last days in Kirkwall still haunted her dreams. When the final battle had been over, they'd fled the city together, Anders and her and Merrill, three mages on the run. Isabela had agreed to take them partway along the coast to give them a head start. It had seemed like a good plan.

Another particularly vicious lurch of the ship made her stomach churn again, and Fiona only just managed to reach the bucket in time. Merrill didn't even look up, just hid her face deeper in her pillow and made a small choking noise. Avvar was whimpering in his corner. But Anders was at her side, holding her hair back from her face, gently stroking her back until the gagging subsided.

"Better?" He passed her a wet towel so she could clean herself, a ghost of his old smile on his lips.

Fiona nodded. "For now."

Anders sighed. "I wish there was more I could do, but there are no spells against seasickness, at least none that I'm aware of. Was it that bad when you crossed over from Ferelden?"

She shook her head, but avoided looking him in the eye, and he frowned. Suddenly she could almost feel his gaze on her, searching, probing, a healer's experienced eye.

"It's not just seasickness, is it?" There was a curious undertone to his voice.

Fiona looked up, finally meeting his gaze. "No. At least I think-"

He didn't let her finish. Before she knew it, he slid down to the floor before her, placing a gentle hand on her stomach. "Let me check."

Merrill sat up, her eyes suddenly bright with wonder. "What-"

Anders focussed for a moment, his brow furrowed with concentration, his palms glowing faintly. "Yes. There's no doubt about it. Two months along, I'd say. It's a girl, if I'm not very much mistaken."

"A baby!" Merrill practically jumped from her cot, embracing Fiona firmly, tears springing up in her eyes. "Oh! Did he..." She hesitated, but there really was no need to elaborate who _he_ was. "Did he know when he left? Did you tell him?"

Fiona shook her head. "It was too early to be sure. And now he's gone. I wish-" She broke off, squeezing her eyes shut.

Anders was still kneeling before her, and now he gently took her hands in both of his. "It doesn't matter, Fiona. You're not alone." There was a light in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "We'll take care of you. We'll find a safe place for you to rest. I promise."

Fiona sobbed briefly, resting her head against Merrill's shoulder and gazing at Anders through a veil of tears. Even through her grief she felt the rush of relief almost physically. _He's gone. But I'm not alone._

* * *

The head of the red dragon on Shepard's chestpiece was swimming in and out of focus as he tried to see through the haze of pain.

"Blood Dragon Armor" the shopkeeper at Kanala Exports had called it. As soon as he had set eyes on it he'd known he had to have it, as ridiculous as it might look. James had smiled when he'd first shown up in it, a warm smile, full of understanding. The next time they'd been on the Citadel he'd dragged Shepard and Steve off to a tattoo parlour to watch while he got a tiny dragon tattooed on his hipbone.

"Just a reminder, _loco_. To make sure I never forget how much fun we had." James' cocky grin hadn't quite succeeded in hiding the melancholy in his eyes. Steve had nodded, smiling wistfully, his gaze holding Shepard's for a heartbeat.

Not that any one of them would ever need a reminder of the days spent in Thedas. The memories were there, every time their eyes met, memories of those few precious weeks when everything had somehow been easier, more clear-cut. When there had been love and passion and simple pleasures, and their problems could be overcome with persistence and courage.

Whereas here, in their world, everything had seemed to go downward in a steady spiral. Losing Thessia to the Reapers, watching the ancient culture of the asari go down within days, seeing the pain in Liara's eyes without being able to offer comfort. The nightmarish discovery of the experiments at Sanctuary, final proof that the Illusive Man had gone insane. And then the loss of the Citadel itself, Earth being ravaged by Reaper forces, a suicide mission their only chance to save the galaxy.

So much had gone wrong, so many had been lost. _Anderson._ Shepard closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back tears. Pain and loss. They had always been his companions, but in the end they had always made him stronger. He pressed his lips together hard and dragged himself up from the floor. He knew his options. The Catalyst had been concise, if irritating. And now it was up to him to make a choice. Up to him to save them all, once again.

Deep inside, Shepard had always known it would come to this. A final sacrifice, his death paving the way for a future without war. He didn't really mind. He had known for a long time that there was no future for him beyond the fight, no place in a world without struggle. His biggest sacrifice had been made long before. He was at peace now, ready to leave this world behind, to rest, finally. When he closed his eyes, she was there, as she had been in his dreams every night since he'd left. He saw her lovely face, the smile she had given him when they said their farewells. Once more he heard her words. _You'll be taking my love with you. And it will make you stronger._

Slowly, gasping with each move, he dragged himself along the path he had chosen. _So much pain._ He briefly wondered if there'd be enough strength left in his battered body, but there was no alternative really, and he forced himself to continue. _Not much longer. Almost there._ More pain, tearing through his stomach, nearly making him falter, but there was the edge and he almost smiled. He'd made it. He hadn't let them down.

And Shepard jumped. It was a leap into freedom, a final affirmation of everything he had dedicated his life to. As he was flying, tumbling down into the gleaming light, her name was on his lips. _Fiona._  

**Author's Note:**

> Hugs and thanks to my wonderful and incredible beta, zevgirl.


End file.
